Misconceptions over home education and socialisation

[PeachAndorange]

Why is this the case? I’m sick of hearing it as it isn’t true ?
There are HE groups and also other activities at weekends and evenings that any children can go to
Play dates with friends
Family gatherings

All I’m hearing is that my child will be isolated and this was a negative choice .... it’s not and seems it’s just the general consensus that parents do this to isolate and it couldn’t be further from the truth

I think school mixes you with a variety of people from different backgrounds, you just don’t get that when home educated

You can get that when home educated. Do you think that children at a home ed group are going to be the same? Children will get to mix with children of all ages and backgrounds.

I’m loving this home Ed kids don’t mix with a range of backgrounds thing!
In our local group we have Muslims, Christians/catholic’s, pagans, atheists to name just a few. There are home Ed dads, mums and grandparents. There are married couples, unmarried couples, single parents. People with a range of disabilities. Nice families, less nice families, families you would choose to avoid. The children are a mix of neurotypical and a whole range of extra needs. I would say more than 50% of our network are neurodiverse which likely stems from the fact local provision is appalling!

The children attend a range of groups and activities, some drop and run and some we stick around for. They have qualified tutors, music teachers, science teachers, parents who run sessions, people from outside organisations etc. They mix with new kids and kids they see regularly. They also mix with entire families so relate well to young and old. This has been picked up by many group leaders over the years.

It’s not for everyone but it’s seriously not as dire as people here are assuming! All of the teen girls I know in school seem to be self harming, have eating disorders or have crippling anxiety! I’m not anti school and loves it myself but think there are pros and cons to both and hate the whole them and is attitude!

Apologies for typos! Fat fingers and autocorrect hates me

That's good, isn't it Jellyfish? I'd much rather have a teenager who can socialise well with adults (education is preparation for adulthood after all) than teenagers who are preoccupied with nuances of teenage girl life ( I assume you mean things like boy/girl friends, going out, make up, social media, fashion and such like)

No, I don’t think it is of benefit to be unable to make social cue judgements with your peers. And fitting in with their peer group isn’t all about boyfriends and make up, it’s great deal more nuanced than that. Not that there is anything wrong with knowing how to talk about the trivia- appropriate small talk is a social skill.

I moved a lot as a child due to my father’s job, which meant I changed schools more than most did. I learnt very quickly that I had to assess the social dynamics of every new school I arrived at and work out where to place myself. It gave me great skills for adult and working life. Just being able to talk to adults when I wasn’t one would not have been a preparation for adult life since we weren’t on the same level at the time.

Oops, only partly bolded

Jellyfish this is exactly what home Ed kids are doing every time they join new groups and activities which is generally a lot. My experience is the extroverted kids cope well and the introverted kids struggle, just like in school! Only difference is we are likely to have more of the latter within home Ed circles because these are the kids who didn’t cope in school

So, those of you who aren't so keen on home ed, what do you want to happen?
Do you think all children should go to school? Someone said there should be a register of home ed children and regular inspections. How would that work?

I think school mixes you with a variety of people from different backgrounds, you just don’t get that when home educated

Oh, I'd love you to explain your experience that identified this comment, as it's alien to me and others I know who have/are Home educating. Did you read it somewhere?

Parents not soreness ffs. Stupid iPad.

So, those of you who aren't so keen on home ed, what do you want to happen?

it won't, but those parents who chose to home ed stop attacking parents who don't, by making up it's a lazy choice, that kids are miserable, institutionalised, don't learn anything at all, are put on the wrong kind of routine, don't learn to have and express an opinion, and wasting their childhood basically.
Luckily, some schools are great, and kids are really thriving, why wouldn't they.

I don't mean it's what ALL home ed parents do, just that it gets tiresome to hear it from the group who does. Not everyone can afford to home ed in the first place...

I think it's the home ed parents that have been attacked on this thread Justin. It gets very tiresome to hear that home educated children can't socialise, are at risk of abuse, are spoilt, will find adult life hard, are isolated on purpose.....

But you are right to expect home educating parents to treat school parents with respect too.

Oh, I'd love you to explain your experience that identified this comment, as it's alien to me and others I know who have/are Home educating. Did you read it somewhere?

I am not against HE, would certainly not want to see it banned. But couldn't help noticing that the HE'ding parents in my local community were all rather similar to dh and me: well educated, middle class, with an interest in the arts and creative activities rather than in the kind of less worthy thing a pp was sneering about above. They were good people, nice people and we did have a lot to do with them, but on its own it was a narrower perspective than I wanted for dc.

It’s interesting that most the people who are for home education don’t like and immediately almost argue with those saying something that opposes home education.

It almost proves the point that home Ed people cannot are others point of view and are very limited in their thoughts.

Pentium85

It hasn't really though has it? I doubt you would have spoken to all home ed or most home ed people so a few is not going to prove anything.

To be fair, those that don't like the points of view of others are limited in their thought exist in all walks of life, not just those that home ed

pentium

My child is in a school now, it's specialised and as near to H.ed as we can get.
I only argue with blanket statements that generalise, especially when I know otherwise.
To state that H.ed children don't get to see a diverse population is ridiculous.
For us it was more diverse than the school she attended, that had 99% white wc parents, employed in a few jobs We left and the whole world was our oyster, we met so many people and travelled extensively.
Now, there's diversity in her school with people from all over the world and all walks of life.
It's what you do with the child that matters, irrespective of whether you choose to attend school or H.ed. Or even if you attend state/private.

I live in rural Australia. HE is very normal here for the earlier years. By about 12 most are in mainstream schools. The place is well set up for it - lots of clubs, events and sports teams. Parents don't hang around and "interefere" or hand hold, they drop off and let them get on with it, much like you would with full time mainstream school.

There's not as much stigma here. A lot of people do it out of necessity because there simply aren't any schools in commuting distance and they feel that very young children shouldn't be sent away to board at school, in the way that an older child might. Not sure why people stigmatise it so much in the UK. I suppose It's just a cultural difference.

Devlesko, that sounds lovely. But underlines that it's about individual circumstances. We were not well off when dc were little, so there would have been no option of travelling extensively, and as we didn't have a car even ordinary HE meets would often have been quite difficult to make.

cory

I understand, it's not for everybody. We were just lucky that the opportunity came when it did, but we too are a low income family, always have been, we have tc. We travelled extensively on business, so could take dd we us. Our business is what dd has always wanted for a career, and she started at 8 years old.
When she wanted to be with like minded people she auditioned at her present school and was offered a place.
It was the best education we could offer her when she needed it.
But I'm not naive or stupid enough to think it's the best fit for all kids. We have two grown up dc who went all through school.

I admire those who HE, however I think when it gets towards 12/13 I would worry about the types of friendships kids can develop. Maybe just me but I had a few boyfriends including one from 14-19 years old. I can't imagine how that sort of relationship would develop.

My DH was abused as a child by his cousin who was 21 (and 11 years older than him). My DH’s mum and dad knew and did nothing to help him. In fact they forced him to see his abuser for 29 years including trying to make him stay in his bedroom! His dad was a teacher. His dads current girlfriend worked in social services and is still having the paedophile to stay at their house and around all the grandchildren. Despite an ongoing case with the police. A rare case I hope but still something to think about. My point is that some children are at risk everywhere regardless of whether they are home educated or going to school. If someone has it in them to do wrong by a child that’s just how they are. Teacher or not. Lady working in social services protecting children or not.

I think people forget that school socialisation doesn't reflect the real world, rarely in the real world do you see the same friends for six hours a day every day. Home ed kids socialise in much the same way adults do; they have some friends they spend time with on a regular basis, some they only see occasionally, and everything in between.

My DD does home ed groups with and without me. She does mainstream activity groups with and without me. She has home ed friends she sees several times a week, some she sees only occasionally, some she's met once and may never meet again. She's met people she's got on with and people she hasn't, and children from all different backgrounds and lifestyles. The idea that the majority of home ed families are middle clsss hippy types is way off the mark in my experience.

Most children come to multiple activity groups so she has a 'main' group of friends she knows well and sees several times a week, both in structured activity groups and then for free play afterwards. All the things which have been discussed in previous posts, asking to borrow a sharpener(!), learning conflict resolution, teamwork etc, she does on a regular basis. They also have more time for free play than many kids in school do.

Like with school, those friendships then translate outside of home ed groups. She regularly goes to friend's houses, birthday parties, days out, sleepovers, spend weekends together. She sees or speaks to her two best friends on an almost daily basis.

She also has a group of friends who go to school but who live locally. They regularly play together and she has never reported feeling like the odd one out or being excluded. Again, they invite her to their houses and parties etc. When I was a child, none of my school friends lived nearby, so the group of local kids I played with after school and at weekends (from various schools and of varying ages) became just as strong friendships if not moreso than school ones. Most of the childhood friends I am still in touch with today were people I didn't go to school with.

She has friends she met through mainstream groups which have translated into real life friendships, they regularly go to each other's houses to play and spend time in the school hols. The instructor at DDs martial arts group often buddies her up with new students to help them settle in, precisely because she makes friends so easily and is so inclusive and welcoming.

I dont have any concerns about her socialisation, she has tons of friends including several close ones, and a busy active social life. This is also true for the vast majority of home ed kids we know, and whilst DD hasn't reached the teenage years yet, the teenage home ed kids we know have active social lives (not organised by their parents!) with both home ed and non home ed friends, and I doubt you could tell the difference between them and a child who goes to school. The only comments we've ever had with regards to her social skills have been positive ones.

Of the home ed kids I know who do struggle with socialisation, they are usually home edded because they struggle with socialisation, rather than struggle with socialisation because they are home edded. If anything home ed often helps them come out of their shells.

I spend 8 hours a day with colleagues. Some are really annoying! But i still have to work with them. Socialisation isnt only about friends. (Again i am pro home ed! But i think there are as many misconceptions about school socialisation as home socialisation)

I’m scepticisme about the huge social diversity of HE families. By definition you only have one wage earning parent surely which puts it out of financial reach of a large proportion of families.

Burneyfanny

Home edding can be cheaper than sending a child to school so not sure why one income would be a problem.

You cut you cloth accordingly like people who chose to be a sahp.

If you were to actually attend home ed groups you would see the diversity in lots of areas and some mums do work, evenings and weekends. Some work from home and help with family businesses. Some do no outside work at all. Some are childminders. Some are single parents who still work as they have help from friends and family. Some of the local families ferry around kids for each other for all sorts of reasons to fit around younger or older children, older grandparents, work etc

Some are carers for their disabled children so home ed fits in anyway. There are lots of situations and backgrounds, religions, ethnicities etc.

Sometimes the parents work and it is the grandparents ferrying the children to activities , as home ed is done in the evening.

Home ed is not school at home with desks and 6/7 hours per day. You can achieve so much more in less time than at school as you are not teaching a class of 30 to 40 kids.

Your whole point and scepticism shows you know nothing about home ed.

I know people who work, run businesses, are say at home parents, are grandparents, single, married, hippy, religious, pagan, young, old, who have husbands who are professors and bankers, who have husbands who work in supermarket, lots of ethnicities and races, who work at a cinema, who are a gardener, a lorry driver, lots of ex teachers and a few part time and subbing teachers. So much diversity in the average home ed community.

I know a night theatre nurse who has a nanny for her kids for the two nights a week that she works, who earns a good wage and home eds her kids the rest of the time, they have a lovely life.

I know a mum of seven who work for 16 hours a week from home in the evenings, her partner works 50 to 70 hours a week also and has successfully home ed her kids, the oldest now being at work and doing well.

The mum of 1 who childminds within the local home ed community and works parttime evenings.

The mum of one who is a professional who runs her own business and works 3 days a week. Her daughter goes to a home ed childminder and groups and activities on her work days.

People who can't see a different way to live and learn really need to start thinking outside the box. All these people and children are still active in their communities and showing their children, that there are so many ways to live and to be and to spend your time outside of a 5 day week at school and a 5 day week at work when you are an adult.

School is good for some and home ed is good for some, it's as simple as that.