Grabby Go Fund Me ??

[BrokenMumTeenDD]

I'm questioning myself over this as old friend is newly diagnosed with terminal cancer & I am gutted & do have every symptom for them, but finding myself surprising peed off at what feels like a very grabby go fund me, with a very large target amount. Friend did sort of reinvent them self some years back as a sort of guru, hilarious to those of us who know them of old & I'm not sure if it's that aspect of it that is bugging me, or friend repeatedly sharing the GF themselves with sob stories of what they are going through.

I'm not against GF, we've raised money to help out another friend who lost a leg that way, but it was a much smaller target amount with goal to buy him an electric trike, which happened with a bit to spare.

I was going to donate to friend, but felt uncomfortable as the target put me off as grabby. Then I had a word with myself & was going to donate thinking the money was to help them out with housing etc as that's an issue for them after a relationship breakdown too. Though they've now shared shopping trips where they are spending the money to upgrade to expensive laptops etc as 'they are going to be spending a lot of time indoors" okay, their choice, but I know many people in a similar, but not terminal situation, myself included, but would never dream of asking others to pay for equipment upgrades. I feel really mean thinking that way though when they have jade the worst possible year so far topped off with a nasty diagnosis

AIBU

I'm clearly not explaining myself well as some of you are totally misunderstanding my post. No big deal, but you couldn't be further from the truth on my feelings for his situation

& I was genuinely interested in others opinions too, as I was questioning myself & do see how bad it sounds, but it's difficult to explain without outing. You are right though, cancer is the big shit stick & it's not my place to judge how anyone deals with it, least of all someone I care about. I think it was maybe the preachy nature of it that didn't sit well, I'm not sure

Aren't they all grabby? Or started because someone couldn't be arsed to buy travel insurance and then finds out they really should have? Or wants a fancy wedding but thinks others should pay?

If someone is pretending to have cancer ro get cash then that is awful and a scam. If they are really ill then they might as well try to beg for some cash.

I think if you really liked this person then you wouldn't begrudge them a tenner to spend on whatever they choose in their situation.

I know a family like this. They GF for everything. One a few years ago was about a student loan issue. As I'd had the same issue I messaged them privately and offered my assistance. They refused and then blocked me.

I also have family like this. My uncle's child had cancer and has thankfully recovered but the wife started a Facebook page asking for donations of clothes/toys etc. When they arrived she posed the very sick child with them. What her followers didn't realise is that she was then selling them online. I could understand if they were broke but they weren't. Some people are just money grabbing.

@BrokenMumTeenDD I don’t believe you have said anything wrong. I’ve donated to multiple GF’s but normally for a charity, on a rare occasion something specific the limit is normally detailed to what it will be used for, ie a disability product (with the remainder given to charity or specified for other uses)

Go fund me does have conditions for the release of funds though that they have to be used for what is stated in the original post. Was it specified it would be used for electronic upgrades? If not it’s fraud

My dh has stage 4 terminal bowel cancer with a life expectancy of 12 months, our life insurance have refused to pay out until he has more growth 🤬 which will mean he will be sicker than he is now.

We were hoping to do lots with the money, make memories for us all whilst he is well enough too, he wanted to choose something for our children's wedding days as he won't be here (nice necklace etc), we also need our bathroom doing as we have an over the bath shower that he struggles with already. So a walk in shower would be great.

But I don't think I could do a go fund me, I have donated to c couple but there are people much worse off than us.

But you should @loubieloo4, as long as you say what you are raising the funds for people are choosing to help or not. This post is different. No one will think bad of you. My mum was terminal when Macmillan provided her with one last holiday. State any extra money raised will go to charity and choose one you admire

YANBU.
It is glorified begging.
Definitely grabby.

Some people will try to monetise anything - nothing is sacred - and cancer certainly is never off the menu.

There was a woman in my town with a go fund me for a medical issue, I know she could have sold her Range Rover and paid for it no problems but everyone still donated.

If you don't feel it, don't do it. It's not about the money at the end of the day. Trust your gut like a real guru and be at peace with the universe.

I've donated to a go-fund twice (1) to pay for funeral repatriation costs and (2) to contribute money for replacing stolen id document.

Both were set up on behalf of people not themselves and I wasn,'t that close to either individual just aware of their circumstances.

The one thing I don't like about go fund me is the % deducted by the crowdfunding platform so less money goes to the beneficiary / cause. I'd suggest OP that you go and see your friend if you can and while you can. Don't let a badly phrased request get in between you in their hour of need?

@loubieloo4 am so sorry to hear that how disgraceful that your insurance wont pay out!!

OP I really get where you are coming from. If I was dying of cancer the last thing I would think to do would be to set up a go fund me and guilt trip people into donating. I would be more concerned about having my family and friends around for support and if I did need financial help it would be them I would turn to, not the whole bloody world. I think I would die of mortification first.

I think its grabby
The story of the child in Australia who was tormented for having dwarfism. It warmed my heart no end to read that the parents had refused the money and would rather the underlying issue of bullying be tackled. The money was/is to be donated to charity.

I have a huge amount of respect for people whose morals and principles are not for sale. I think its called having dignity.....something we seem to be losing pretty fast in this country. Once a nation that prided itself on it's "stiff upper lip" now a nation of freeloaders.

We should and could learn a lot from that dignified little boy in Australia.

@contentedsoul I think you are confusing two areas and being very judgemental

My mum died before the days of “Gofundme” but was given charity funds to have a holiday with my father. They had an amazing time and if saw the videos the took your be inhuman not to cry. She died a few months later. She’s been terminal for years but still worked as a cleaner, my dad in a factory when work was available

If Gofundme had have existed then I would have raised one as she’s have loved to see other countries, but it was never in our budget and so she died young never getting this experience

I welcome this Australian family choosing what they do, as they also choose to let him experience other amazing things such as leading out a rugby team. It’s great, the exposure has achieved a lot for him which will mean he will have many experiences previously denied to him. But again this is also due to social media working in a positive way as does Gofundme (for the most part)

I am the type of person who never asks anyone for anything, however I honestly can't say what I would do if I was living with a terminal diagnosis; Would I seek financial contributions to prolong my life if treatment abroad was an option? Perhaps or perhaps not but either way I wouldn't judge anyone in such a horrific situation for trying to raise funds to help make their last days a bit easier!

I feel weirdly guilty talking to them & not donating
Why should you feel guilty about not paying to speak to them?
Fair enough to ask what the grabby entitled "friend" "needs" the GFM cash for - and then decide that it's grabby and not to give; at least you bothered to ask!

@WagtailRobin I think you have a good point, my mum would have happily had an vacation, but my dad always wanted to see Ireland, so Macmillan made it happen. It gave him memories, she live less than a year. Not enough money for her children to go but the videos she took (old school non pre internet uploading) are amazing to watch on vhs. We were 16+. This meant a lot to her which is why I donate (although check first) these fund mes. But they aren’t always grabby and if I could tell you the charity work my mum did prior you’d see it was far more than earned

Ok sorry I was crying a bit when I posted the last post so may not make sense. I’ve never benefited from a GoFundMe. Only a charity and only for my mum pre GoFundMe times

I’m with you contentedsoul. There’s a lot to admire about that boy’s family. I wouldn’t in a million years start a page like that to spend the money on creature comforts just because I was going to spend a lot of time indoors. Terminal illness or not.

@contentedsoul

Reading this “ I think its called having dignity.....” made me sick to my stomach that you could be so naive and so up yourself. Shame on you!

Where is the dignity when chemo leaves you shitting yourself on the bathroom floor, unable to walk, reliant on those around you for the smallest things? Where is the dignity for people who lose their independence, their ability to walk or use their hands, lose the years they thought they would have left with their friends and family?

What is dignity to you, once you’ve experienced that?

Yeah someone without money setting up a page to ask for some is soooo bad, what grabby cfs.

Maybe if they sold their car they would lose their lifeline to get out and about?

Maybe they thought they would have ten years to save for that trip of a lifetime, but only have ten months left.

I hope you never experience this first hand. But really a big f you for your comments.

Oh and before you ask I haven’t and don’t even know someone who has set up a medical go fund me. But I get why people do. Flex your empathy once in a while.

@littlejalapeno

Well said 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻