Grabby Go Fund Me ??

[BrokenMumTeenDD]

I'm questioning myself over this as old friend is newly diagnosed with terminal cancer & I am gutted & do have every symptom for them, but finding myself surprising peed off at what feels like a very grabby go fund me, with a very large target amount. Friend did sort of reinvent them self some years back as a sort of guru, hilarious to those of us who know them of old & I'm not sure if it's that aspect of it that is bugging me, or friend repeatedly sharing the GF themselves with sob stories of what they are going through.

I'm not against GF, we've raised money to help out another friend who lost a leg that way, but it was a much smaller target amount with goal to buy him an electric trike, which happened with a bit to spare.

I was going to donate to friend, but felt uncomfortable as the target put me off as grabby. Then I had a word with myself & was going to donate thinking the money was to help them out with housing etc as that's an issue for them after a relationship breakdown too. Though they've now shared shopping trips where they are spending the money to upgrade to expensive laptops etc as 'they are going to be spending a lot of time indoors" okay, their choice, but I know many people in a similar, but not terminal situation, myself included, but would never dream of asking others to pay for equipment upgrades. I feel really mean thinking that way though when they have jade the worst possible year so far topped off with a nasty diagnosis

AIBU

The reason I asked if it's Simon, is that a previous 'friend' did similar. Claimed cancer, got services for free and money, turned out to be complete bull. He was also a self-help guru. Got sent away for fraud in the end.

Thanks broken and floof

The amount they are trying to raise would put me off donating too OP. I would donate to cancer research rather than them.

It seems a bit unfair to judge their behaviour, I imagine I would do all sorts of things if I found out my diagnosis was terminal.

Totally agree with that Sparkly, I don't envy him at all with what he's going through, & I'm the least judgey person, but I do feel uncomfortable about this

Honestly .....

due to this thread i'm now sitting here wondering if i should go-fund towards my new kitchen!

So - my opinion is YABU. No one is forced to give. If you don't ask you don't get, as they say

The reason I asked if it's Simon, is that a previous 'friend' did similar. Claimed cancer, got services for free and money, turned out to be complete bull. He was also a self-help guru. Got sent away for fraud in the end.

wow. That sounds so similar, but I do know them well enough to know it won't be fraud, though theyve had their dodgy moments, I'd trust them in their, I guess it's more using his status to cash in on his bad luck I suppose

I’d have to be so desperate to do a gfm. I’d be so embarrassed!! I think I’d also only ever do it for treatment not available here.

I think if you have caveats on what a person can use the money for then it isn't given generously. For example people who won't give money to a homeless person but instead buy a sarnie. ffs let him have his vodka. not your business. do not dontae if you don't want to.

What do you mean exactly by they have reinvented themselves as a guru?

Just don't give if you don't want to or it makes you uncomfortable, or you don't have a few bob spare.

I imagine the desperation for money comes from a desperation at running out of time to do the things they want before they die, so they feel fuck it, might as well ask. It is sad.

Terminal cancer simply means it cannot be treated and people can live with it for years however most is weeks or months. However to be given that diagnosis is completely life changing and your poor friend must be terrified and head all over the place. Whilst it may seem grabby that he is looking for cash to enjoy himself, I think go for it and let him make most of the time he has left. You dont need to donate but I have no doubt others will

The thing is he is not asking for tens of thousands from you personally...he is aiming for that as a sum total.
I know i would live life a bit audaciosly if i had a terminal illness. Given that you have used the term ' sob story' i gather you dont like this person very much.
This is why i don't have many friends...completely overrated and always bitching behind my back.

Absent as in take a sudden interest in things that they would have laughed at only month earlier due to a new partner. Immersed themselves in partners interests & rose as a sort of priest in that area with a following clambering for "their wise words" this was in a totally new area of the country, so it wasn't known that this was a new thing to them, sort of assumed & encouraged to think they've always been that way, which couldn't be further from the truth.

Just don't donate if you don't feel right doing so.
Let them do them.

I'll leave it there TY. IABU.

TBH I surprised myself thinking the way I do as I'd normally be very supportive. Maybe losing another friend to it & seeing her amazing courage & continued even working with it & her never asking for anything or anyone else either I was a bit taken aback

I'm with you, OP, it's grabby and nasty. A 'guru'. hahaha. I'd give him bugger all, just for that reason alone. Now, if he needed a scooter and the government wouldn't fund it, sure. If he was trying some experimental therapy and needed to travel sure. But, money for a nice life? Isn't they why people have savings? He'll be getting good benefits if he's terminal. Surely that cash can pay for his 'treats'?

They don't sound like someone you like, much less a friend. So don't donate and cut them out of your life.

Better than someone doing one to raise money to pay a vet bill because they couldn't be arsed getting pet insurance! Now that is taking the mick.

Terminal illness? I'd be happy to donate.

Big Picture: He’s dying. What has he got to lose? Let him enjoy what time he has left. If it means a fancy laptop, a decent home and a couple of holidays I would have absolutely no issue with that. You don’t have to donate if you disapprove.

I would never beg for money, which is essentially what it is and it would annoy me and make me uncomfortable too. However there are brazen people out there and if they can get some monetary gain from their illness - and there are mugs willing to donate - I guess they can crack on with it!
Just don’t donate but help him in some other way instead - offer to do a bit of housekeeping/cooking or take some flowers round?

But they are dying, right?

A work colleague put up a go fund page for his wife who had cancer.
However the amount asked for was the same as the tax he owed the tax man.
Strongly suspected that his wife had little idea there was a go fund me page.

I can’t believe you said he’s trying to cash in on his bad luck. What a thoroughly nasty thing to say. You certainly aren’t the “least judgy” person. You have no idea what they are going through and you certainly are judging them harshly.

Crisps, I've already discussed with her the benefit & housing entitlement they will now qualify for. My DB also has a life limiting illness & he says he's never felt so well off as he does now & loves his sheltered apartment. I explained to Friend how to access this as I helped my DB, so had some clue about the system. A smaller amount to tide them over, or money for private treatment etc I would have given gladly.

Maybe I'm just a bit too blaze' as terminal illness is unfortunately rife around us & this is the first time I've known someone heavily pushing their own GF page

I don't think this counts as CFery. You think theres a safety net for sick people, don't you.

Just don't donate, and block them. Sick people are use to this kind of reaction from healthy people anyway. I doubt you'll be missed.

Errr, I am disabled myself, very much so right now & also awaiting cancer scans, so I know exactly how it is to be a "sick person" thank you very much