Grabby Go Fund Me ??

[BrokenMumTeenDD]

I'm questioning myself over this as old friend is newly diagnosed with terminal cancer & I am gutted & do have every symptom for them, but finding myself surprising peed off at what feels like a very grabby go fund me, with a very large target amount. Friend did sort of reinvent them self some years back as a sort of guru, hilarious to those of us who know them of old & I'm not sure if it's that aspect of it that is bugging me, or friend repeatedly sharing the GF themselves with sob stories of what they are going through.

I'm not against GF, we've raised money to help out another friend who lost a leg that way, but it was a much smaller target amount with goal to buy him an electric trike, which happened with a bit to spare.

I was going to donate to friend, but felt uncomfortable as the target put me off as grabby. Then I had a word with myself & was going to donate thinking the money was to help them out with housing etc as that's an issue for them after a relationship breakdown too. Though they've now shared shopping trips where they are spending the money to upgrade to expensive laptops etc as 'they are going to be spending a lot of time indoors" okay, their choice, but I know many people in a similar, but not terminal situation, myself included, but would never dream of asking others to pay for equipment upgrades. I feel really mean thinking that way though when they have jade the worst possible year so far topped off with a nasty diagnosis

AIBU

Why do people keep saying "you dont have to give" - stating the flipping obvious. I am sure OP knows that. It isnt what has been asked. She has asked if it is grabby.

YANBU IMO, it is grabby to ask for tens of thousands when we are so lucky in this country to get free healthcare, accommodation help and lots of charities like Marie Curie help with holiday expenses. My ex-H had cancer and the help we were offered was second to none. Maybe we were just very lucky, but still, they sound like they are using this to guilt trip people into giving.

Dont feel bad OP, be there to support when you can and if you want to. I woulddnt donate to any Go fund

You aren't her friend, you hate her, and she is dying.
Take a look at yourself.

Friend did sort of reinvent them self some years back as a sort of guru, hilarious to those of us who know them of old

I'm glad you aren't my friend, with friends like you, who needs enemies.

its up to you-ive just read about a woman started a fund to visit her murderer partner ins prison in america-erm thats ano from me

I’m not a fan of go fund me either. I think people do miss use it and use it to ask for things that are not that important. Cancer is awful and I would be happy to donate for treatment costs abroad or to make a final dream come true but I think it’s a bit cheeky to ask for money towards housing and to ask for such a large amount. If I was really unwell (dying) I don’t think I would want people giving me money for such things.

Blimey, this is the first time in my 50 years that I've heard the experience of having terminal cancer described as a 'sob story'. You are not a friend to this person by any stretch of the imagination.

I see where you’re coming from OP, I’ve never really seen someone having a GF for themselves before , I thought people usually set them up on behalf of others so in that sense ,yes it looks grabby .
The amount is very high too ,especially if they don’t need it for the housing now and just spending it up and not for something like medical care, funeral , money towards family left behind ..

Dev I'm glad you aren't my friend either as you sound massively hard work

To the poster quoting "sob story" yes you are right, that does sound bad, but it was more to explain how the GF piece was skilfully written, really tugging on the emotions & guilt of returning the favour of our wise friend & all they've done for us, we owe them etc rather than, shit situation & appreciate any help you can give

And all these “you sure aren’t a friend “
Oh shut up .. op obviously knows this person better than anyone on here or they wouldn’t be asking the question .
Terminal cancer does not mean you can use it to get lots of money from people for laptops and shopping

Bloody Hell, with friends like you who needs enemies 😮

I always approach these 'fund me' things with caution. A few years ago, a local business was at risk of closing. Everyone fell over themselves to donate and save it. It reached the target figure, and then the owner fucked off to live in another country.

charming laundry-proves you realy dont know whats going on with these things

Was there a fire that meant expensive repairs Laundry? If so we might be neighbours- if not, scary there was another GF story like this. In our case, insurance fraud rumours surfaced too

Friends GF is genuine though, I'm not doubting that bit, just the amount & the heavy guilt trip to donate

I have a friend who has cancer (hopefully on the way to recovery). If she needed money for treatment or to pay her rent because she lost her job and had no other options I'd happily donate. But if was to upgrade her computer I probably wouldn't and would rather support her in other non financial ways.

Thing is there might be people who are going without. But this is more unpleasant during illness or in your last days. Don't donate if you don't want to. You do sound bitter. Thankfully I have never been in your situation and I know people don't stop being annoying just because they are ill. But remember she knows she is dying so if she's a bit of a dick give her some slack.

Terminal cancer does not mean you can use it to get lots of money from people for laptops and shopping

Of course you can if people are willing stupid enough to give it.

no, teminal cancer is a reminder of our own mortality and whilst you all going on about a person being grabby, perhaps take a step back and truly think what being told your going to die soon really feels like....none of you know

His girlfriend is terminal and NOT him?

I've known at least 5 people pretend this. So maybe she's got cancer, maybe she hasn't, maybe it's terminal, maybe it's not.

I'm curious why you're so sure it's terminal?

I think GF is Go Fund @LaurieFairyCake, not girlfriend

He definitely has Cancer, I don't doubt that. I've known him since we were kids & its not operable. I know from other close with the same type though that it can be managed reasonably well for decades. Though I'm sure that's little comfort to him right now & I do understand that the GF page is giving him a lift & I don't begrudge him that, or him needing money to tide him over & this be a solution, or money for alternative treatments to support him staying well. He also wasn't poor, so didn't need new electronics, though who wouldn't want a free upgrade if offered. I was just a bit shocked at the target amount, plus the full on guilt trip way it was written, not just what he's dealing with, that's fair enough, but very much playing the guru card IYSWIM, followed up by showing off shopping for new toys. I was torn though as it was good to see him happy, but it put me off donating myself, which I had intended to until I saw the details etc. I feel shit about it though, but it's by far the biggest amount I've seen asked for by people we know in similar circumstances

Scary so many people have experienced that though. Not had that since my teens & figured people grew out of it

To be honest OP your comments and attitude do come across as a bit distasteful. People don’t have to do everything the way you would or do it with your approval. Don’t donate if you don’t want to donate, but it’s a bit off to complain in the way you’re doing and doesn’t reflect well on you. Someone close to me is stage 4 going through awful chemo, what I wouldn’t give to give them one pain free, enjoyment full day. I think that’s the normal way to feel about a friends in those circumstances. Move on OP, indulging these bad thoughts about your “friend” won’t bring anything positive to your life.

I wouldn’t begrudge someone dying of cancer raising money.
They’re dying.
And this is a friend?!!!
I’d be happy for my friend to have and ask for anything they wanted if they had terminal cancer.

You come across as a very bitter and uncaring person. Your post is so lacking in empathy!Dont donate if it bothers you so much!!

If you don't want to help, don't.

Your post is quite unpleasant IMO.

When I give a small amount to a friend with cancer, it means, "I stand with you. I wish I could help more. I wish you weren't going through this."