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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband being a dick

56 replies

sanswit · 27/02/2020 08:07

My husband went to drop our dd at her childminders this morning and have stayed in to get our DS dressed for school.

When he left, as I alway do, I locked the door behind him and started getting DS dressed.

He came back from the CM (I saw him walking ho the path and walked towards the door) and because the door was locked he started hammering the door and rattling the letterbox repeatedly.

I opened the door and and asked why he couldn’t just have chapped? He then started having a go that I was being a headcase for locking the door when he’d just popped out for 10 minutes.

A barney ensued because I wouldn’t back down that locking the door is good practice (we have friends whose how was nearly broken into after her husband left for work and she was getting the children breakfast. The only thing that prevented it was a chain on the front door)

He just kept telling me I was nuts and that I shouldn’t have locked the door. I’m not proud to say I hissed that he was a fucking aggressive weirdo idiot which flamed it more.

Wibu to lock the door or was he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Watermelontea · 27/02/2020 08:10

YWNBU to lock the door, the world isn’t a safe place and if locking it gives you peace of mind in your own home then that’s great, but as you know YWBU to escalate it and resorting to swearing at him.
Just tell him to take his key in future, as you’ll be locking the door.

Boom45 · 27/02/2020 08:14

"Sneak in" burglaries are very common round here - someone just walks in to your house and picks up a handbag or mobile phone lying around and scrapers while the homeowner is in a different room or upstairs. Locking the door is sensible.
Being angry the door is locked is a huge over reaction

WalkingDeadTrainee · 27/02/2020 08:16

Doesn't he have a key? Why don't people have keys to their housesConfused

Brefugee · 27/02/2020 08:16

I think you're being a BU but then i don't know what it's like where you live. Why didn't he take a key?

MimiLaRue · 27/02/2020 08:17

YANBU. Even if it was a slight OTT reaction to lock the door, why cant he appreciate that this makes you anxious. Its hardly a big deal to knock is it? he's acting like he was locked out in the snow for 5 hours or something. He's behaving like an arse. He could have knocked normally, you would have let him in. Thats it. Theres absolutely no need for him to make this into a huge thing.

Original poster
sanswit · 27/02/2020 08:19

@WalkingDeadTrainee

He has a key but didn’t take it with him.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 27/02/2020 08:20

He is being a dick for going out without a house key. If you do it by accident, that's different, but you don't then have a go at the person who lets you in, you're just cross with yourself.

He's the dick.

Noconceptofnormal · 27/02/2020 08:22

This is the sort of thing men don't understand, they don't live in a world where they inherently feel vulnerable. My husband thinks I'm ott for double locking our front door and using the chain. I'd never leave the door unlocked and neither should you.

Biancadelrioisback · 27/02/2020 08:24

I always lock the door when i get home but DH doesnt. We bought a blink camera which has motion sensor so we get a notification on our phones if someone comes onto our drive way (which is quite long so plenty of time to get to the front door.
But tbf, we've accidentally left our front door wide open all day before and the worst thing that happened was we found the neighbours cat on our bed

BackOnThatRollerCoaster · 27/02/2020 08:27

What's 'chapped'?
Yanbu I do the same. If you hadn't have and someone had walked in you'd be being accused of being negligent!

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2020 08:30

Knocked.

Did it kill him to wait a few seconds till you opened the door?

Idiot.

DonnaDarko · 27/02/2020 08:30

YANBU. Your husband is for not having his key!

Shouldbedoing · 27/02/2020 08:32

It's a well known phenomenon for crooks to nip in after the man of the house has left for work either for thieving or worse. So many people don't lock the door for just 10 minutes. And yes, men just don't get the safety precautions women take almost automatically, every day.

catpyjamas · 27/02/2020 08:35

My DH does this as well. I do something like lock the door or say something like 'I'll message you when I get there' when I travel so for safety he (someone) knows I arrived ok. He immediately launches into 'You're a psycho you need help' rant. Hmm I think this is a form of abuse OP. (not agreeing with you for your agressive response) but why do some people start yelling about mental health when someone takes what I think are sensible precautions?

Shouldbedoing · 27/02/2020 08:37

2 dickish husbands there then

Bluewater1 · 27/02/2020 08:39

YANBU. I know someone who had a sneak in burglary. They took her handbag and stole her car using her car keys

SoupDragon · 27/02/2020 08:39

I think that if I had popped out for 10 minutes and my partner was at home I wouldn't take my key and would be surprised/mildly annoyed that they'd locked the door.

(Well, I wouldn't in my house as the door has a Yale lock and thus is locked if it is shut.)

GetOffTheTableMabel · 27/02/2020 08:41

I don’t think hissing that he was being “a fucking aggressive weirdo idiot” was an overreaction at all, in the circumstances.
He decided not to take his key because he wrongly assumed he didn’t need it. That’s his mistake, not yours. When you are in the house and he is not you can, and should, have things to your liking. He doesn’t get to decide what makes you feel comfortable, you do. Twat.

Namechanger001 · 27/02/2020 08:42

Tell him he’s nuts for not taking his key. Who leaves the house without the thing that you use to get back in. Weirdo! Also tell him he has male privilege for not having to consider his safety constantly

Frenchw1fe · 27/02/2020 08:46

He's a dick for not just knocking like a normal person. Rattling and hammering won't make you any quicker, it would make me slower because I'd deliberately take my time to answer.

MrsClatterbuck · 27/02/2020 09:02

My DH locks our doors and takes a very strong stance on this. We also have the doors alarmed so when they are opened an alarm sounds. It is me actually who can sometimes be a bit lax. If there is a lot of to and froing then obviously they aren't locked. He also asks me to ring him if out at night when leaving as a safety thing. I'm not always good at remembering to do this.
I remember years ago when in our other house coming home and the back door lying open it scared me and had to get a neighbour to go in the house with to make sure everything is ok.

SoupDragon · 27/02/2020 09:07

Who leaves the house without the thing that you use to get back in.

Someone who lives in a house where the door has to be physically locked and whose wife is still in the house Confused

BaolFan · 27/02/2020 09:07

Chapped = knocked. Very common round my way to say 'I chapped on the door' and similar.

Original poster
sanswit · 27/02/2020 09:13

Glad I’m not a headcase then Grin

To be honest, our friends were so shaken by someone trying to get into their house it’s really made me think.

Her husband had left for work about 6.15 and this guy tried the door about 6.25 so the police were sure that he’d been watching the house.

I’ll never leave my doors unlocked tbh and my lovely dad always instilled it in me to put my safety (and now the children’s safety) first.

OP posts:
huuskymam · 27/02/2020 09:18

Hes being an arsehole. I always lock the door when DH does the school run, and he works nights so when hes in bed it locked cause I have headphones on. I know by the dogs reaction if anyone is in the garden. There has been a lot of burglaries in my area lately during the morning, all made easier by the front door being unlocked.