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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband being a dick

56 replies

sanswit · 27/02/2020 08:07

My husband went to drop our dd at her childminders this morning and have stayed in to get our DS dressed for school.

When he left, as I alway do, I locked the door behind him and started getting DS dressed.

He came back from the CM (I saw him walking ho the path and walked towards the door) and because the door was locked he started hammering the door and rattling the letterbox repeatedly.

I opened the door and and asked why he couldn’t just have chapped? He then started having a go that I was being a headcase for locking the door when he’d just popped out for 10 minutes.

A barney ensued because I wouldn’t back down that locking the door is good practice (we have friends whose how was nearly broken into after her husband left for work and she was getting the children breakfast. The only thing that prevented it was a chain on the front door)

He just kept telling me I was nuts and that I shouldn’t have locked the door. I’m not proud to say I hissed that he was a fucking aggressive weirdo idiot which flamed it more.

Wibu to lock the door or was he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
thecatsarecrazy · 27/02/2020 09:18

My husband gets funny if the front door is locked when he gets in from work. I'm normally upstairs with youngest, older 2 downstairs with heads in devices so it feels safer.

Merryoldgoat · 27/02/2020 09:18

I find it weird to have a door that you don’t need a key to enter from outside.

NearlyGranny · 27/02/2020 09:22

OP, you can be 100% sure of two things: if an opportunistic burglar had been watching your DH leave and nipped in to take your stuff while you were busy upstairs, your insurance company would not pay any claim; your DH would then be blaming you for all of it and telling you how stupid you were for NOT locking the door behind him!

LightDrizzle · 27/02/2020 09:22

My mum lived in a quiet village and had silverware stolen from her kitchen while she was elsewhere in the house.
Two middle-aged male friends in nice suburbs of our city had their nice cars stolen from their drives by thieves who took the keys from their unlocked houses while they were inside.

Is your DH someone who just can’t be wrong?

ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2020 09:23

I lock the door as soon as DH and DC go off on the school run and it is permanently locked, no matter who is in the house.

Namechanger001 · 27/02/2020 09:24

@SoupDragon- and what if the wife wants to go out last minute or round the neighbours suddenly? He shouldn’t make it her problem to think about if he’s got his key. I’m responsible for me getting in the house and my husband is the same. That’s not even talking about the safety. How many people have their car key in the hall somewhere? That makes it easy pickings for an opportunist thief.

TheSmelliestHouse · 27/02/2020 09:27

Yanbu it's normal to have a locked front door and use a key. He is bu for not taking a key.

diddl · 27/02/2020 09:30

Tbh I find it incredible that anyone wouldn't lock the door.

If you are upstairs or in the garden, someone could be in & out without you knowing.

Also, if you have young kids, isn't it a good idea for them not to just be able to open the door & walk out?

Our door doesn't lock when you close it, but you can't get in without a key.

ActualHornist · 27/02/2020 09:32

I find it weird that this situation has never happened before.

YANBU of course, but if you normally leave the door unlocked under these circumstances I can see why he might be a little ticked off. Not excusing his behaviour which was aggressive and completely OTT.

Lllot5 · 27/02/2020 09:37

If your door is shut how do burglars walk in. If you door can be opened from the outside then yes I’d lock it, but if not I wouldn’t.

Itsallgonewoowoo · 27/02/2020 09:45

I'm in the minority here, my DH constantly locks doors and it drives me scatty, though I understand he feels he needs to, so I don't call him names. I've always had dogs and used to live in a shop, we had regular break ins as a kid, they always got past the locks but never the dogs so I appreciate I'm too relaxed.
Name calling on either side is not great, I think you both need to calm down and perhaps talk about it at a better time so he understands you need to do it to feel safe and that he should have his key with him... Or get a Yale!

k1233 · 27/02/2020 09:56

I lock my doors always. My place is small, max 15m from front door to back door. Doors are always locked. There are some terrible news stories about people attacked in their own homes due to unlocked doors.

When I had more of a "deterrent" dog (bought him due to a stalker at the time), the back door would be unlocked, only because the rental properties didn't have dog doors and he needed to be able to go to the toilet. Once I got my own place and put in a dog door, doors were locked.

Not to undermine my current tough little guard dog. He bailed up an intruder one Christmas eve. He's pretty big on stranger danger - no one can approach the place without him alerting me. But he's a little white fluffy, so not as visibly intimidating.

OptimisticSix · 27/02/2020 09:58

YANBU and I say that as someone who seldom locks the doors. I'm working on getting into the habit but a life time of not bothering is hard to break 😁

sadforthekoalas · 27/02/2020 10:02

Get a Yale type lock then you can forget about it and just use a second deadlock when you go out.

Constantly having to remember to lock yourself in is going to make the feeling of being unsafe persist imo

diddl · 27/02/2020 10:13

"Get a Yale type lock then you can forget about it"

But OP's husband will still need to remember his key & not be pissed off & hammering on the door if he forgets it?

JudyCoolibar · 27/02/2020 10:17

I agree with getting a Yale lock. With luck OP's husband will then realise he has to get into the habit of making sure he has a key with him when he goes out. Millions of other people manage it.

Original poster
sanswit · 27/02/2020 10:19

I’m not going to spend hundreds of pounds changing my door.

But I’ll continue to lock it

OP posts:
Brefugee · 27/02/2020 10:27

Do so many houses have doors that you just open as front doors? I had no idea Shock back doors, yet, but front doors?

letsdolunch321 · 27/02/2020 10:28

DH (Dickhead) needs to make sure he has his keys on him.

He is being a massive idiot by not having keys, what would have happened had an emergency occurred whilst he was dropping DD to childminders & you had left the house to deal with said emergency 😡

JudyCoolibar · 27/02/2020 10:34

You wouldn't have to replace your door to replace a Yale lock. There would be a further benefit to you in that you wouldn't have to stop what you were doing to lock the door behind people going out.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/02/2020 10:52

Agree with a Yale lock as well. Where do you all put your keys when you have locked the door. Would you find them quickly ànd be able to open the door to get out in a fire?

RightOnTheEdge · 27/02/2020 10:53

All the houses round here have door handles on the outside that you just push open.
I usually have mine locked unless the dc are playing out and coming in and out, mostly because my ex just walks in without knocking Hmm

Your DH was bvu to be so angry and aggressive about it, there was no need. He should understand you wanting to feel safe.

Daftodil · 27/02/2020 10:56

I lock the door, not just because of burglars getting in, but because 2yo DS could get out (he hasn't managed it yet at my house, but has gone outside and ran towards the road twice at my parents house).

He is being unreasonable: A key doesn't take up much space. He could've taken one easily.

You are being unreasonable to call him a "fucking aggressive weirdo idiot"

SabineUndine · 27/02/2020 10:59

I'd be pissed off that he was so unconcerned about my personal safety, to be honest.

mrsmuddlepies · 27/02/2020 11:04

I think you calling him “a fucking aggressive weirdo idiot” is out of order or do MN ers think it's ok if a husband addressed his wife like this?