Sorry - it's a hen do one

[HattieMid2]

Due to get married at the end of this year, hen do planned for the summer. My bridesmaids have planned it, nothing too extravagant, a weekend away (not abroad), plenty of notice. Everyone I wanted to invite said that they would love to come, would defo be there, etc etc.
However, they have now ALL cancelled now that it's time to book.

My main issue is that none of them have approached me to tell me that they can't make it. I have heard this through my bridesmaids, who have reluctantly told me as we now need to rearrange everything as there will only be the five of us together for the weekend.
Two of the people that have cancelled are my SILs who I have seen several times over the last few days and neither has mentioned it.

AIBU to be absolutely gutted? I am very lucky to have amazing friends who will plan a lovely celebration, but they don't live near me so I will be travelling alone on the morning of my hen do to meet them, which stings a bit. 10 of my friends/family have cancelled ☹️

Yanbu to be disappointed. I think it's very shabby that none of the 10 have contacted you. Was the weekend expensive?

I would go ahead as a group of 5 though, I wouldn't cancel if I were you, not if it's something I wanted to do and the other 4 were ok with it

Hmmmm how much was this weekend away and is there something else going on at same time to make people cancel. I would ask directly to Sil and tell them your disappointment

It’ll have been too expensive.

15 people on a weekend away?!

Sorry sounds like my idea of hell. Why so many?

5 is a much better number.

Your friends are wankers. Bang out of order

Yes, it will be the money. I asked my bridesmaid to organise my hen weekend and to keep the cost as low as possible. I found out nearer the time from one of my friends, while she explained to me she was struggling to afford it, that it was much more money that I wanted people to be paying. I felt very guilty, despite the fact in didn’t organise it

I'll bet it was a combination of cost/using annual leave. Its just a hen do.
Downscale it to a nice meal out and they'll probably be able to go.

And they may not have told you personally because they are awkward about the money and don’t want you to feel bad

How much did it cost?

I am sympathetic to you, but also aware of how expensive these things can be!

YANBU to be disappointed that they didn't tell you direct. Sounds a bit gutless to me.
That said, a weekend away with 15 hens would be hell on earth for me, but I would've declined the invite in the first place!
As others have said, I expect it is the cost.

Do you know how much the weekend is costing them? I'd assume there's a cost issue if 3/4 of the group are now not attending. Cost is usually a contentious issue. Perhaps the organisers have money and haven't been too concerned about cost? I'd find out more about why they've said no and maybe look at having a night out somewhere or one night in a Prem Inn type thing if affordability is the issue.

Awww sorry op that's really shit, hope you still have a good time tho

I couldn't even have a murder mystery evening for my hen do as people started dropping out when a deposit was required. I didn't have the minimum numbers any more so downgraded to just the meal and drinks. Beyond disappointed but it is what it is and we will still have a good night out.

Naaaw out of order.
If they didn't want to go they should have said in the beginning, it's so rude to bail as soon as they're booking unless it's for a very good reason.
I wouldn't have an issue if people said "Nope, not for me" as you'd have then made other plans.

Sympathies but yes, might have been the expense.

At least you will have five people who obviously love you coming along - you will have a great time.

It will be the cost and having to take leave from work.

I agree that you should still do a nice meal with them.

The main issue is that we're all in different areas now so keeping it to just a meal etc wouldn't have worked - I would have been fine with that!
Totally get that the cost of these things can get way out of hand. It was planned in the area that the majority of my friends live in order to keep costs down. Several of them wouldn't have even needed accommodation.

It's been sorted now and I'm just having a celebration with my bridesmaids, like I said I just feel gutted that so many cancelled and didn't mention it to me. I have attended all of their hen dos (those that are married) and just feel a bit shit that they couldn't even let me know they weren't going to make mine!

What were their reasons for dropping out, OP?

Jesus this is why I will never get married.

I feel your disappointment.

Back in the day the bride herself just invited her friends for a night out. I would hate it if someone was organising something for me, especially if it involves a financial commitment as I know it would probably end up with people pulling out. It is especially shabby that family have pulled out.

Could it be a ploy and they are all going to surprise you?

@Whatifitallgoesright 😂😂 right now, I agree with you 😂

@Ginfordinner I actually wanted to take this approach and organise it myself, but my bridesmaids really wanted to plan something for me. Wish I'd stuck to my guns now, at least then I would have been fully aware of why people weren't coming!

No one has given any reasons so far. PPs are right, it will be cost and time off work; which I totally understand.

Ime bridesmaids usually make a massive big deal about the hen do plans being a surprise for the bride, and discussing any issues with her is frowned upon as “adding more stress”. So instead the poor woman gets stressed about people who are supposed to be her friends not being honest with her and people she cares about being priced out and unable to say so. I think I might have a theory about hen dos being the ultimate expression of toxic female socialisation.

I'm inclined to agree with you Doobigetta.

OP can you take control back into your hands and just have a meal out?

Is it a whole weekend? Can you make it one night (Saturday) so it’s less time off and expense for people?