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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it isn't normal behaviour for a 4 year old it's naughty!

61 replies

Needtochangemymindset · 26/02/2020 20:42

Had a hard day today with my 4 almost 5 year old. Im usually good at keeping it together but I ended up shouting several times. Each time she was asked to do something e.g. colouring at the table not on the sofa she shouted 'no I won't at me' and when I eventually lost my temper she put her hands over her ears, mimicked me and then either stuck out her tongue or blew raspberries at me.

DH says normal I say needs firmer discipline.

Please help!

Yes for normal behaviour
No for needs firmer discipline

OP posts:
porple · 26/02/2020 20:43

it is normal behaviour I’d say, but she still needs to be disciplined for it

cowbag1 · 26/02/2020 20:46

I'd say it is normal but I would discipline for it. They're testing the boundaries at this age and if you don't make it clear the behaviour you will and won't accept, that'll walk all over you.

rvby · 26/02/2020 20:46

Surely both answers are true?

It's normal for children to shit on the floor. Doesn't mean you don't teach them not to.

Do you think that because a behaviour is normal you just ignore it? Confused

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 26/02/2020 20:48

Normal and can be a sign of tiredness or a cold on its way. I suggest a couple of early nights so she isn’t so tired and cross.

Heismyopendoor · 26/02/2020 20:52

Normal cheeky behaviour. :)

Merename · 26/02/2020 20:52

Agree with others that it’s normal but needs discipline. Problem is that kind of behaviour really winds us up and the discipline can easily come from an angry place - never works so well. But for that I would remove the crayons as a consequence and explain that she won’t get crayons without supervision for a few days until she can show me she won’t draw where I’ve told her not to. It’s bloody exhausting isn’t it, sometimes you just want them to stop being so unreasonable!!

Snoopdogsbitch · 26/02/2020 20:52

Distraction and positivity can work far better. My DS has adhd (so I know ALL about challenging behaviour) and whilst he is spoken to constantly about appropriate behaviour and good choices, often distraction and me being positive about something else can stop the tantrum. Conversation about said poor behaviour then happens when he's calm: noone takes anything in when they're overly emotional.

ParkheadParadise · 26/02/2020 20:53

I've got a 4 yr old dd.
Her response to a telling off recently thanks to my great niece is WHATEVER.
I ignore her and carry on with what I'm doing.
She has never done this outside, as I would definitely not be happy with her talking to anyone else like that.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 26/02/2020 20:56

It’s normal 4yo boundary pushing.

4 years old was a nightmare age for both my DC. They both became demons.

Please know- it doesn’t last! Grin

Take deep breaths- give yourself time to think how you want to react rather than just reacting.

Scottishgirl85 · 26/02/2020 20:56

My daughter turned 5 last week and has literally never spoken back to us, so I would be shocked if she did this! We have always praised good behaviour and ignored bad behaviour (ie no shouting) and it seems to have really worked.

NarniaBanarnia · 26/02/2020 20:57

Gosh OP I'm obv in a minority of posters so far but I would call that naughty, yes.

Actually, maybe not 'naughty' as maybe it's got an underlying reason - as a pp said, she may be tired, going down with a bug, or just trying to get your attention. And she is only little.

But I really wouldn't be thrilled with my DD doing that, and I always think I'm a massive softie compared to a lot of my friends. My own parents were extremely harsh so I've always erred on the live-and-let-live side. I take manners incredibly seriously, though - things that other people might think of as 'naughty' behaviour such as refusal to eat vegetables or something, don't bother me.

IceColdCat · 26/02/2020 20:57

Normal!

Original poster
Needtochangemymindset · 26/02/2020 20:59

Thanks everyone.

Ive tried giving her a time out and her answer will be 'Good I like sitting there/doing this', when I tell her that's enough and ask her 'Do you understand why I was angry?' her answer will be 'Oh can I stay here I like it here'. If I take something away from her she will respond with 'I don't want it now anyway', She knows what she's doing.

Four is proving much harder than two or three!

OP posts:
NonStopDisco · 26/02/2020 20:59

There needs to be natural or logical consequences. A logical consequence is that the crayons are taken away because she will not follow instructions with them.
Shouting (often not intended) means that a child may behave because you shouted, but not understand why.

Chinks123 · 26/02/2020 21:00

Dd has never answered us back, (she’s 6)So if she had done this she’d be in trouble. I have to say though I had lunch with my friend and her kids, and they were really rude to her, she didn’t bat an eyelid! I’d say it’s normal but I’d discipline her.

fourandnomore · 26/02/2020 21:01

Normal boundary testing as others have said. If you let her know it’s not ok and she continues repeatedly then it’s more of an issue, but my four year old does this at times when she’s either tired and wants some attention or just being cheeky with her brother. I pull her up on it.

RB68 · 26/02/2020 21:02

of course its naughty, but it is also pretty normal. I would say yes needs discipline and mine would be then you don't get to do that activity and remove items to unreachable place and if its the right time start bed routine as naughty behaviour is usually the result of being tired so bed it is

namechange1041 · 26/02/2020 21:04

Gosh she sounds like a madamGrin

How long do you take her things off her for? Long enough for her to miss it?

She may say she doesn't want it anyway but if you keep it for long enough she might realise she actually does want it back?

Doggybiccys · 26/02/2020 21:06

Oh god OP- I so long for these days. Wait til she’s 18 and getting up to all sorts and telling you about it and you will look back at theses times with fondness.

But yes - she still needs disciplined ( not that it did me any good!).

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 26/02/2020 21:06

The not wanting thing is normal. The mimicking and hands over ears needs sorting.

Florencenotflo · 26/02/2020 21:06

My Dd does that too! If I ask her to go and calm down on the stairs, she replies with "I was going to sit out there anyway" or if I remove a toy as a consequence she will tell me that one is rubbish anyway and she doesn't want it.

For the stairs, the next consequence was for every time she made a cheeky remark the time re-set back to zero. We made it up to 20 minutes the other day, she could have been done in 4! And the toys, if she's cheeky around the punishment all her toys are off limits until she can be nicer and (meaningfully) apologise for being cheeky.

I take some comfort in that nursery don't see this behaviour, they get the helpful Dd that likes to tidy up and help the little ones join in. We get all the gobbiness and attitude! But she is just pushing boundaries and we are her 'safe place' so it's only natural she will do it to us. And tiredness and hunger affect her mood massively!

SidsWife · 26/02/2020 21:08

I don’t think that’s normal at all! If he disgusted if my children behaved like that.

And to the poster who said shitting on the floor is normal. Really?!

slipperywhensparticus · 26/02/2020 21:11

Colouring the sofa ask her to sit at the table when she refuses remove the colouring and put them on the table if she goes back again remove the colouring if she says she likes time out tell her she is free to leave and leave her there walk away you cant argue with a back

Mimicking is shitty it really winds me up personally I would have to remove myself for that one my lowest moment was dumping a small cup of water on my daughters head because she was demanding a drink NOW! NOW! NOW! BITCH! and splash she was around 3/4 and testing my patience I wasnt proud of that moment but she never called me a bitch again

Lynda07 · 26/02/2020 21:14

She actually said,
"It's normal for children to shit on the floor. Doesn't mean you don't teach them not to.

Do you think that because a behaviour is normal you just ignore it? confused"

Emmelina · 26/02/2020 21:16

Normal, yes.
Acceptable, no.
She needs to be taught it’s not nice, so discipline is appropriate.