Is DS being a CF?

[MirandaGoshawk]

DS is 26 and lives at home. He works long hours, so I do his washing. His GF is also 26 and lives with her parents. She stays over with DS two or three nights a week. Her socks & undies have appeared in our washing basket a couple of times and I've done them without comment. Now a pair of her trousers have appeared. I mentioned them to DS and said I wasn't happy with extra work drying clothes in this weather. He said to shove them in with his and tumble dry (which I tend to avoid). But the label says no. Anyway today is blowy so I have washed them. AIBU to ask him to get her to take her washing home in future? What if I shrink something?

[MrTumblesSpottyHag]

If he's got time for a GF then he's got time for laundry. He can do hers with his if he wants.
The idea of my MIL handling my dirty knickers is 🤮

[Didkdt]

His hours aren't so long that he can't entertain his GF. Perhaps they could do their washing together.

[MachineBee]

Do you also do all the housework and shopping?

Not only should he be doing his own washing, he should know how the hoover works, how much time it takes to cook a meal etc.

Time for a conversation with him methinks.

[AryaStarkWolf]

Another thinking your son should do his own laundry

[DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon]

Does the girlfriend know you do your DS's washing? I think most people would assume at 26 he does his own. She probably left the trousers at his and he's put them in the wash basket.

Or she spilt something on them and DS said don't worry leave them here, I'll wash them. I can't imagine she's just purposefully leaving things for you to Do.

Once I left a pair of pants at DPs by accident (when he lived at home) and MIL washed, dried them and neatly folded them and I felt really weird about it. It was all so secretive. She didn't even say to DP, she just found them, washed them and slid them to the back of his drawer I can't imagine a 26 yr old being totally cool with their BFs mum washing their Knicks.

[VettiyaIruken]

Please don't help release yet another bloke into the world who thinks women are domestic appliances! I realise since he's nearly 30 it's perhaps a bit too late but adults need to work AND take care of their cleaning, washing and cooking. Even if they work long hours and even if they are men.

[Apolloanddaphne]

I do all the washing for our household no matter who is here. I do the washing for my 22yo DD2. It makes no sense environmentally having people doing smaller loads when it can all be done at once. When DD1 was living at home I washed her boyfriends clothes when he was around. It's just a bit of washing. Both DDs are capable of doing it but it makes no sense to me as I said before.

[bluehairandheartbroken]

Is it definitely her putting her stuff in the wash or is your DS doing it? Before me and my husband were married/lived together I used to stay over with him at his mum's a couple of nights a week. One day his mum handed me a carrier bag with a tshirt and a pair of trousers in and said "Here's your washing, blue". I was about to thank her and then she said "I haven't washed it as I have enough to do here as it is".

I was mortified as a) I hadn't even expected her to wash them - my OH (now husband) had obviously chucked them in the basket, I'd actually been wondering where they were - and b) because just how fucking mean? One tshirt and pair of trousers? But then nearly 20 years later and she's still a nasty bitch to me so looking back, it's no massive surprise.

[saraclara]

I used to get my daughters to do their own washing when they lived at home. But then realised it was neither environmentally good, nor financially sensible, as I'm on a water meter. So instead our stuff was pooled, but everyone took their turn at actually getting the household's washing done and dried.

So yes, your son should be contributing to the household chores by putting washing on, and he can include the girlfriend's on the days he does it.

[AnneOfTeenFables]

I wouldn't be doing his washing or her's. If he's old enough to have his gf over to stay, he's old enough to work a washing machine imo.

[Newjez]

Assuming they have designer tears, you should darn them and tell her you've fixed them.

[itsabitofamess]

Why are you so stressed about this? If you don't want to wash her trousers / pants leave them in the laundry basket. If you don't want to wash your sons stuff leave that in the laundry basket (presumably he has his own laundry basket). If you don't mind doing his then you are unreasonable to complain about doing a tiny bit of hers imo. Equally, she's a bit weird leaving her dirty pants to be washed by her boyfriends mum. I've been married a decade and nearly died of shame when my clean pants came back neatly folded at my mil's whilst we were staying there for the week. Frankly I don't think I would be doing his at 26 but whether you do it or you don't, its not really a big deal.

[Needtochangemymindset]

Ewwww! I wouldn't have dreamt of putting my knickers in my boyfriends washing so his mum ended up doing them when I was 26! I wouldn't have down that at 18!!

Your son needs to start doing his own washing! He's 26!! It doesn't matter he lives at home or works long hours he's 26 FGS!!

Time your son grew up and his girlfriend took her dirty pants home! (or he washes them!)

[Soontobe60]

Have I missed something? Does your long - hours - working ds have to stand and watch the machine whilst it does his washing? No!!! It’ll take him all if 2 minutes to put a wash on. Just stop babying him, never mind washing his gfs dirty undies😫😫😫

[Umberta]

What @bluehairandheartbroken said.
The GF has no idea you're doing it because... what kind of mother does her 26yo son's laundry on a regular basis?! As an occasional favour, if he's very ill or really particularly stressed with work.
YABVVVU and you would be even more unreasonable to confront the GF has if she's in the wrong. You and your son are in the wrong for having this weird dependent relationship. If I were the GF I'd run a mile

[3timeslucky]

Either he takes over his and her washing or you put her stuff in a bag and give it to her explaining "your stuff got caught up with ds's". They're both CFs letting you do either of their laundry at that age.

[PersephoneandHades]

We all work hard, we're all tired, we all have things we'd rather do, but he still needs to learn how to do his own washing.

[1forsorrow]

The trouble with everyone doing their own washing is that you end up with smaller loads or dirty washing hanging around for longer or maybe mixing whites with colours. I'd rather do it all together and save on water, washing powder and electric.

[Squirrelpeanutbutter]

FFS he's 26 not six. They are both taking the piss.

[MirandaGoshawk]

Wow! Some judgy comments on here! FYI, he knows how the washing machine works - he has even fixed it in the past. He is very practical and he fixes my car, has built us a kitchen, etc., and saved us hassle/money, so it's quid pro quo. Him living here suits us all, and why the hell shouldn't he? He leaves at 7am and sometimes doesn't get back until after 7pm. Sometimes he works weekends too (getting his own business off the ground). I am here all day and I want to help oil the wheels for him. I would feel like a selfish bitch if I didn't. I also don't think his GF wants me to wash her stuff - he has just found them in his room and chucked them in the washing when he wasn't going to see her for a few days.

[Parsley65]

It's not a big deal by itself, but you don't want him to have too much of a shock when he does eventually get a place of his own. Sometimes you have to be a bit cruel to be kind.

If it was me I'd buy them a wash basket that lives in his room and keep transferring anything that is put in yours by mistake!

I would also be making sure he paid rent/was able - and willing to cook, etc...

[Fantasiaa]

I think you need to let go and realise your son is a fully grown man.

[GinDrinker00]

Next time she’s round, call her down “hey xxx, if you need to do washing, heres the washing machine and this is where the powder etc live.” CF for sure!

[Raspberrytruffle]

Yuk theres no way I'd want anyone to see or wash my delicatessen unless it was my husband , we are too close! Yanbu! Plus can you imagine if you just shoved them in with your son's clothes? Its taken me 10 years to train my dh to separate colours etc and not to shove everything in the tumble dryer because you end up with bootleg Jean's turning in to knee level jeans. Some people are so cheeky even though you have done them a big favour laundering the clothes may be cheeky and say oh you've ruined them the dye has ran off your sons Jean's or they have shrunk or bubbled. Best to leave them untouched in a carrier bag for her to take home when shes next up. I'd also knock it on the head doing your sons laundry it's not doing him any favours, my adult brother almost 40 lives with mum and dad and it's taken him going in to the army to learn to take care off himself! I'm fussy I hate my mum doing my clothes. I coloured my mums hair and made the mistake of wearing bleach wash Jean's they got ruined with black hair dye so my gorgeous mum was like il wash them just put on a pair of my jeans! They came out completely white and shrunk because she boiled them then chucked them in a tumble dryer but I love and appreciate my mum so I said its ok mum thankyou for trying to sort them it's just Jean's. My dd as sen and when we visit she will end up being sick so my mum will try and wash it on boil wash then tumble but all it does it melt the sequins etc so I've got my own way of dealing with delicatessen @MirandaGoshawk

[Raspberrytruffle]

Ha meant delicate not delicatessen