Is DS being a CF?

[MirandaGoshawk]

DS is 26 and lives at home. He works long hours, so I do his washing. His GF is also 26 and lives with her parents. She stays over with DS two or three nights a week. Her socks & undies have appeared in our washing basket a couple of times and I've done them without comment. Now a pair of her trousers have appeared. I mentioned them to DS and said I wasn't happy with extra work drying clothes in this weather. He said to shove them in with his and tumble dry (which I tend to avoid). But the label says no. Anyway today is blowy so I have washed them. AIBU to ask him to get her to take her washing home in future? What if I shrink something?

[FizzyGreenWater]

He works long hours, so I do his washing

This is awful, I assume once he moves out, he is going to have to move to part time hours? Because how on earth is is possible to deal with long hours AND laundry?



The answer here is stop doing his washing. Really. You're doing him no favours. Plenty of people with long hours organise their time to deal with their own laundry. And their girlfriend's.

[AnneOfTeenFables]

You started by asking if he was a CF. When posters agree that he is, you get all defensive.

[TeensArghhhh]

It’s time your 26 year old “baby” moved out is all I can say ....

Apart from...What 26 year old relies on someone else to wash their dirty knickers? Eew! 😷

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Out of the house for 12 hours in many jobs is pretty standard especially when you’re in your 20’s. Most people manage to do their own washing, ironing, cooking and cleaning. You asked if your ds is being a cheeky fucker then defended him with a quid pro quo explanation when some people answered yes.

What outcome are you looking for? Why did you ask the question?

[Squirrelpeanutbutter]

@MirandaGoshawk

You must have suspected he's a CF, otherwise why ask the question. You've now come over all defensive!

It's definitely time for your 26 year old man child to move out, stop excusing his behaviour.

[LizB62A]

At 26 he should be doing his own washing

[messolini9]

The trouble with everyone doing their own washing is that you end up with smaller loads or dirty washing hanging around for longer or maybe mixing whites with colours. I'd rather do it all together and save on water, washing powder and electric.

& what's wrong with the son doing just that?
Why does his mother need to sort it out for him?

[messolini9]

Next time she’s round, call her down “hey xxx, if you need to do washing, heres the washing machine and this is where the powder etc live.”

Oh good grief.
26 year old man doesn't do his own laundry.
Solution? - outsource it to his g/f!!

I feckin' despair ...

[Ragwort]

If your DS can 'entertain' his GF at your home, then surely he can do his own washing. And the absolute cheek of the GF putting her dirty knickers in your laundry basket. Yet another reason why I would never condone my adult DS inviting his GF to stay overnight. You are being treated like a skivvy OP, with neither your DS nor his GF having any respect for you.

Tell them both to grow up.

[PragmaticWench]

How on earth is being out of the house 7 to 7 considered too exhausting to then bung some clothes in the wash?! That's a normal day for most people, who then do housework on top.

[TryingToBeBold]

I think people are being a bit harsh.
My mum still did my washing when I was 23 before I moved out. Because it was easier (if doing a wash every couple of days) to just bung my stuff in with my parents? I'd help put it out to dry etc but it was easier rather than saving up 7 odd days dirty washing until I had a load full)

And as for saying he will have to do his own washing when he moves out.. he will. And depending on where he lives could do it at midnight for all anyone cares. Or 9pm before bed? I think it's a bit less acceptable to do that when you're living with parents..

[SilverySurfer]

I'm puzzled why you asked the question? The majority said 'yes' and you now come back to defend your poor baby because he works 12 hours a day - so do millions of other people who also manage to do the washing, housework and the shopping all by themselves, without a mummy to do it for them.

[Needtochangemymindset]

He leaves at 7am and sometimes doesn't get back until after 7pm. Sometimes he works weekends too (getting his own business off the ground)

Sorry to be picky OP but for many people they are not long hours, most London commuters I work with leave home around 7am and many aren't back home until around 7.30pm or later and those hours/commute are seen as normal. Many also have to work weekends or put in extra hours to get their jobs done.

Whether you're at home or not it's time for your 'grown up' son to do his own washing. And his GF shouldn't be leaving her knickers around! She obviously takes them off so she needs to pick them up and take them home! She's 26 FGS an adult and a woman not a teenager!!

[Bella2020]

That was a bit of a drip feed, OP!
I reckon you should mention to your son that his girlfriend's underwear & things have been finding their way into the laundry and would she like them to take home? I'd hate the thought of anyone but my husband washing my knickers! She may feel the same.

[Lweji]

Interesting thread, OP.
You think he may be a CF, but you're happy to do his laundry and his GF's at the same time.
You know he's treating you like a maid.

The things you say he does at home, most children would do for parents anyway.

I leave home at 8 and arrive shortly before 8. I still manage to make dinner, wash my own and DS's clothes, sort out the dishes and the cat stuff, do the shopping. As most people who work do.

I do think that he should start sorting his own clothes, particularly if his GF's are included.

[MadamePewter]

He is a CF but now I can see that it’s not his fault.

I can also see the GF’s thread on here when she’s married and pregnant and expected to do everything as he works long hours

[flower1994]

miranda, what is your question then? youdint mind doing sons washing and you dont think the gf realises her washing has ended up in yours. so....what is your point?

[flower1994]

dont*

[DontDribbleOnTheCarpet]

Making him do his own laundry (an hers as well if there is any) will benefit you in the long run. It will be one less thing for her to resent you for, if they marry and have children. Of course, depending on how he has been brought up, he may just palm the laundry off onto his girlfriend to do, but at least them she will have a warning to heed.

I dearly loved my MIL, but I really wish she hadn't hammered in the idea that men do outside work and only women to work inside the house.

[partofthepeanutgallery]

have him do his own laundry. Problem solved.

[purpleboy]

My 16 yo does her own laundry, not because "I'm a selfish bitch" but because in the not to distant future she is going to be in the real world, where adults have to work long hours AND actually doing their own laundry. I would be doing her a disservice to continue treating her like a child.
Living at home, whatever that's not the problem, the problem is your bringing up a man child and your doing him no favours. It's hard to hear I'm sure but it's true, and the amount of people on here telling you that, should give you indication it's time to let him take responsibility for himself.

[Orangecake123]

Ask your own son to do his own laundry?

[LannieDuck]

This is why some grown men move in with a girlfriend and apparently don't know how to use a washing machine, or a cooker, or a hoover etc. And don't think it's their job to learn.

They might do a bit of DIY or push a lawn mower around the garden occasionally, but he daily grind of housework? That's womens' work.

...because it always has been for him - you've always done it for him.

Out of interest, does his father live at home too? Does he work, or is he home all day as well? Does he do any of the housework?