To give up my high flying career for a menial job?

[WalterWx]

I’m relatively young (30), single and work in a very senior role for an international company in the city. The field I work in is specialist and complex. Nothing is black and white, an awful amount of thought and research is required before being able to make decisions and the implications of a wrong decision on my part would be catastrophic for both the company and my career. I have achieved a lot and trained hard for years to get to where I am, but the buck stops with me and I’m in a role where the learning never ends. I leave work most days feeling stressed and mentally exhausted from the responsibility of it all. I used to dream of having the responsibility and salary that I have now, but now I’m living the life I dreamed of I find it absolutely draining and it’s sucking the life out of me. Sometimes I wish I could just leave, take on a role with much less responsibility and accept the massive pay cut which would come with it. Friends and family don’t seem to understand and all appear shocked that anyone would want to give up such a high flying career at my age when I’ve got such a bright future ahead of me. Comments such as “you’ll be bored in a menial job!”, “why would you throw away your career?”, “but we thought you were so ambitious!” Etc.

AIBU? Surely other people have done this and I’d love to know if you regretted it.

Not saying the civil service or NHS precludes any creativity. In case there was doubt.

I know a former high-flying lawyer who quit to become a landscape gardener - quit through stress and unhappiness. Also a city finance bod with Cambridge degree who became a taxi driver( quit for similar reason).

If you’re being paid well invest your money into cash generating assets and retire early/quit to become a full time investor.

@Regina, which cash generating assets do you have in mind? I spend hours most days trawling, mostly through scams. I would be interested to know, but distrustful.

Pay for a coach to help you consider your options. If you have savings you can maybe take time out to rest and regroup or learn something just for fun.

Menial jobs come with their own stresses.

YABU because changing your job doesn’t automatically mean doing something menial.

As a PP said, go and see a coach and review your options. You would be bored in a real menial job and just as unhappy (and poorer)

Please don't use the term menial, it's degrading. No job is menial

It's funny that someone might class a cleaner for example as doing a menial job but could we actually live without cleaners cleaning hospitals for example? I'm sure we could all survive without lawyers, marketing executives etc. Who is actually doing the menial job? One we would all survive without? High paid does not equate to important and undisposable. If every single marketing exec for example quit right now, the world would still turn and really, people would be unphased! If every cleaner in the world quit right now, we would have the plague doing the rounds by the end of next week!

Yappityyapyap is absolutely right.

It depends what you want to do. I had a high flying career and loved it for the first few years but got burnt out by the travel and not being able to see my kids as much as I wanted to. I got a job as a lecturer in a university business school and took a big pay cut (about 50% less) but I thrive on it. Many of my colleagues are ex Deloitte, major banks, Blue Chip company executives, etc. The intellectual stimulation is still there, and I get to work with some really talented colleagues and students. We are teaching our students to take on those roles in the future and many of them really value being taught by those who have not just talked the talk, but also walked the walk. I still get to do consultancy as part of my role, and just today I experienced the joy of watching the penny drop as I showed a student a recent consultancy report I’d written. It showed him clearly how the research skills he’s developed during his dissertation are used in the ‘real world’.

You need to take those skills to a related but different area. I took the skills and resume I got during my time in a very intense field and got an intellectually stimulating, but much more laid back role at a non-profit.

@YappityYapYap

Well said! It's the people at the bottom who keep the wheels turning, and I get tired of those who insist we should all go to university and aim for top jobs. Everyone's job is important, and the word "menial" diminishes those jobs which in reality have to be done, even if they are lowly paid.

Please, don't pack it in. You must be very good in your field to have progressed so far, so fast. Stick with it, and opportunities will emerge.
I worked in an exhausting, long-hours but glamorous role for many years. In terms of setting myself up financially and enjoying all the goodies, it was totally worth it. I'd do it all again.
What is rarely told about these roles is about how hard and long you have to work, and how the heavy weight follows you home. That you are feeling all this does not mean you are an imposter. It just comes with the territory.
Can I suggest you outsource the domestic work? Hire a cleaner, order food delivery. Give yourself over to work for at least the next five years. There's nothing wrong with feeling as you do. It's just the nature of these high-level positions. So make it as easy as you can on yourself.

I think maybe you need assessing/treatment for depression or stress. Perhaps also session(s) with a career advisor.

Your idea that there is this extreme choice facing you between “high flying” and “menial” (horrible word) seems really very overly dramatic.

In reality, there are many, many options available to you.

BTW, I agree with the PPs who defend so-called "menial" work. It shouldn't be underrated. Housework is the work that makes all other work possible. Cleaners keep schools and hospitals hygienic, which saves lives. Food workers keep us fed and healthy.
I work freelance in my long-time field, but break up my deskbound day in a "menial" job, delivering catalogues to mailboxes. I love it. I get paid for exercising and chatting to my neighbours. It keeps me going during the lean times.
But it doesn't pay enough to cover basic expenses, so keep that in mind, OP, if you think a low-skill way of earning is for you.

I did exactly this, albeit I was in my mid forties and totally knackered & stressed out of my brain , I reassessed my finances made some big adjustments that have actually become easier over time and I can honestly say I’ve not looked back, I love my job, I love my simpler stress free life

You're displaying the signs of burnout, can you explore the option off a sabbatical and find a life coach? As tempting as taking a much junior role sounds it can be equally as stressful, yes I've done it. In hindsight I now wish I'd taken a step back or sideways move instead of walking away.

I had a promotion about 10 years ago that pushed me to my limit and I did it for 18 months. I saved up a big chunk of money and once I had children years later I’ve had a safety net to dip into. So I’m not saying do it forever but it’s worth thinking long term.

What is the worst that could happen if you do your job badly? Like, incompetence rather than misconduct. You would get fired - probably given your position, you'd be allowed to resign. At that point you could go and get that no-responsibility job you are thinking about now. So rather than short cutting to your worst case scenario, could you just... be a bit less diligent? Just try your best and not feel obliged to worry that it's not perfect?

Aside from that if you're earning good money I would encourage you to get your home bought and paid for. Once you can live rent and mortgage free, life is a lot easier, whatever your job.

I wanted to add a couple of thing to my previous message and absolutely salute the pp who pointed out that we can survive without lawyers but we can't survive without cleaners.

If you look at it from the "survival" point of you both my previous job and current jobs are pointless.

I was the family's big earner. We had everything: the big house, staff, holidays in exotic places. And we were breaking. I was never at home, our family life was reciting more and more on outside support and more and more of my sense of value was connected with outside recognition. I was turning into something I did not like.

I have now whose another job which has quartered my income and I have never been happier!

This comes with provisos:

1- the stress was truly given by the job and not my personality.

2- I am in a less paid but interesting job and I am treated well and well respected as part of a team.

3- this comes at a stage in my life when I had "seen the film and bought the t shirt" I really felt I had nothing left to prove and I had achieved anything I wanted to achieve.

4- I never really cared much for material possessions. I am glad that my job got us a lovely house in the south east and that we got to see the world but I have given up the "nails-weekly hairdresser-expensive undies" happily. I am not any uglier and a whole lotta freer!

5- having less money feels that I have more control of my life! I have the time to cook from scratch (I love cooking and am a good chef) and so our shopping bills are a fraction of what they used to be. We now clean the house together as a team and sort out the garden: it has made us appreciate more what we have.

6- being out of the capitalist hamster wheel of manufactured needs surely feels good!

I would try and discover whether it was the demanding job (situational) or you feeling burnt out...(personal).

The answer will give you a way forward.

So, could you either, move sideways, or make changes for the job you have? Have you been able to talk about this within your company?

See an occupational psychologist - they're the experts in these type of situations you have ..

I would seriously avoid life coaches/job coaches... It's largely unregulated, unless they are properly qualified in a different field which is directly applicable to the role you have. (am aware of a high flying chartered accountant who also is a coach--she deals with burnt out accountants! She knows the issues involved... Etc)

What do you mean by a menial job though?

I couldn’t give up a good job and salary. I agree with your family!

I would suggest assessing what job you would actually like and thrive in. Some jobs fit some people better - that goes for professional jobs, manual jobs, admin, whatever. Also consider what you want for the future - eg is having a family important and if you do would you want part-time? Would you like/dislike travel/shift-work? Do you have enough to pay your mortgage/is owning a place important to you?

If you have the finances then you are certainly lucky. I was able to do a big career switch in my 30s and am very lucky and much happier. I had a mortgage and kids but my partner was a relatively high earner, so was lucky. It took a lot of planning and research. Feel free to PM me. Good luck.

I think you'd enjoy it for a few months and then you'd be bored rigid. I often fantasise about ditching my career (I love it but it's stressful) but I've done enough menial jobs whilst studying to appreciate that it's not for me, I have a low boredom threshold and short attention span.