To give up my high flying career for a menial job?

[WalterWx]

I’m relatively young (30), single and work in a very senior role for an international company in the city. The field I work in is specialist and complex. Nothing is black and white, an awful amount of thought and research is required before being able to make decisions and the implications of a wrong decision on my part would be catastrophic for both the company and my career. I have achieved a lot and trained hard for years to get to where I am, but the buck stops with me and I’m in a role where the learning never ends. I leave work most days feeling stressed and mentally exhausted from the responsibility of it all. I used to dream of having the responsibility and salary that I have now, but now I’m living the life I dreamed of I find it absolutely draining and it’s sucking the life out of me. Sometimes I wish I could just leave, take on a role with much less responsibility and accept the massive pay cut which would come with it. Friends and family don’t seem to understand and all appear shocked that anyone would want to give up such a high flying career at my age when I’ve got such a bright future ahead of me. Comments such as “you’ll be bored in a menial job!”, “why would you throw away your career?”, “but we thought you were so ambitious!” Etc.

AIBU? Surely other people have done this and I’d love to know if you regretted it.

But you dont have to take a menial job. You sound highly skilled. Would a sideways move or one step down be an option?

Perhaps learning how to manage your anxiety and stress levels would be a more sensible approach than to just throw away your career. I would find resources/therapists/life coaches who could help you learn to carve out a workable balance before making any rash decisions.

I’m not sure about the expression “ menial” - seems a bit derogatory. You are in a very fortunate position of having access to career coaches and other sorts of expertise. No doubt you’ve got top notch contacts too. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to step away from the stress but there must be dozens of jobs that you could move to that would be fulfilling and less stressful. You could also think about a career break and go travelling to see what you’re drawn to or considers starting your own business. Unless you’ve got a wealthy spouse life on a low income is no picnic.

Personally I would stick it out until I had bought a family sized house in a nice area outright. The freedom from a mortgage would give you more options.

There is a wealth of middle ground between menial job and what you describe.

Perhaps work backwards, to see what kind of income you need to afford the lifestyle you want, and then see what sort of jobs are available in that salary bracket

The thing is you are too intelligent and too skilled and too driven to be happy in a non-responsibility role. They are all brilliant qualities to have - it means you have gotten far very fast.

You may enjoy something that aligns with your passions like a role in the charity sector - but at a level that would challenge you.

I found it too hard going from Head of Department back to 'normal teacher' - which I thought was going to ease my stress. Nope. The problem was with how I deal/don't deal with stress and that is what I had to work on and I felt under-fulfilled and suffocated not making the decisions and so had to move back up quickly.

You are romanticizing what happens in a menial job. It is very stressful to be at the bottom and have little control over your schedule and your duties, to work hard and yet to be treated as disposible and replaceable, to be disrespected the way low-paid workers are and to have the many disadvantages that come with poverty. Indeed, trying to live off poverty wages is an anxiety-producing job in its own right.

I’d say it depends if you otherwise like it? I can relate as I used to feel like that at 30 - whereas now (heading towards 40 😱) with another 10 years under my belt, I don’t. The job didn’t change but I did. At 30 I had the capability and skills to do the job, but I didn’t have the wisdom that only comes from experience. I’m relaxed most of the time now even when the shits hitting the fan all over the place as I‘m much more experienced in sorting the less than ideal from truly horrifying, spotting problems waaaay up stream, sorting out problems that do occur. So you may find if you hang in there just a bit longer, you won’t always feel like this.

Don’t do it! I’m in a similar position to you and quit a stressful job in the city to take an admin job out in the country two years ago. Whilst I will never regret leaving that particular job, I’m finding that the admin/data entry job isn’t enough of a challenge and I absolutely hate it. I think it would be different for people with children and a lot of things to get done outside of work, but managing a career often gives single people a lot of purpose.

It sounds to me like burnout rather than a deep dislike of your chosen career. I would suggest taking a sabbatical if you can afford it and not work for 3 months, go travelling or volunteer on a project that interests you. If you dread going back or hate it when you get there then look for a similar job in your same field. It sounds like your skills would be in high demand anywhere.

A step down might be a good option but be wary of stepping down too far. People often find it more satisfying to have a position where they have a firm control of ‘what goes on’ rather than being the one who has to find solutions and do the grunt work. Ie always being told what and how to do it when you know there is a better way to do it. Managing a team can sometimes be better than being a member of team if you see what I mean.

I am going to say something different. I had a so called good job and was very well known in my field. I was invited to give public lectures, book signings etc. I hated it with a passion. It was killing me. Literally. I have made a disappearing act and now have a much less well paid job, interesting but I leave my work at the office. I have never been happier. The weekends are mine, the evenings are mine. People said I would miss the loss of status but I don't give a shit. Before I used to live to work now I work to live.

I sometimes think I would like to work on a beauty counter for a brand like Clinique or Clarins. But I know that after a week I would be bored out of my mind. And on under £9 an hour.

I once applied to be a “first class customer host” and retail service manager on CrossCountry trains. Went to the interview and was offered a job. But I knew I would be bored after the novelty wore off of pushing a trolley, serving people in first class looking down their noses and wearing a snazzy uniform. Maybe if the uniform had a cabin crew style hat...

Don’t move down move sideways. Take the skills you obviously have and apply then to something easier. My old job was like yours. I left when I had a baby then started up my own business in same field but doing an easier part of it. It’s not either complex corporate or macdonalds! Could you move to say hr or marketing within your company?

Surely you have transferable skills and could move sector or sideways?

Can you take any time out? If you can, take a few months off, go sit on a beach. Dont think about work. Come back and male a call then.

Have you thought about investing in the services of a co-active life coach and/or the resources available at the excellent “Designing Your Life” designingyour.life/

Your situation sounds familiar to something I’ve been grappling with for years and only once I started Using a life coach and reading the Designing Your Life book did I start to understand what my actual problems were and how I could move forward to make them better, and to build the confidence to do this. My biggest take away from this ongoing process is that decisions are rarely as binary as they might appear, and that you have far more options and far more agency than it sometimes feels.
You’re in a position of power OP - you have the option to live a life that makes you truly happy and I wish you every success.

Do it! The best job I ever had was working behind a bar. Now a stressed teacher. If I could afford to I’d be back behind the bar in an instant.

Just to clarify- I’ve been a teacher for 20 yrs now so feel I’ve put in my time!

Sounds like you could benefit from some time to reflect and understand yourself and your motivations.... You could try the values exercise form acceptance and commitment therapy (there are workbooks on Amazon). Better still find a psychologist to talk this through with.....

I'm currently in a high flying well paid professional career.

It has on occasion nearly broken me with stress. But I stuck it out.

As for menial jobs, I've worked as a check out girl, a receptionist, etc when a student.

Not exactly easy to he spoken to like rubbish by the general public, be spoken to like rubbish by your boss because its low skill and you're replaceable. The same levels of bitchiness existed among staff in Boots than they did in a law firm.

Well go clean toilets for minimum wage and come tell us how easy it is to pay your Bill's and how respected you feel.

You are much too young to throw away your career. I remember feeling similar at your age - the responsibility feels huge and there’s nowhere to hide. Give it some time - you’ll get more experience, you’ll start to see the same things over again, and getting a track record of making the right judgement calls will give you confidence.

You’ll have lots of transferable skills. Look at other industries/sectors.

The problem with taking what you call a ‘menial’ job, (if you can get one, being so overqualified) is that you will have zero authority, zero autonomy, zero control over your duties and schedule, you won’t fit in, you will have little in common with your colleagues and you will be told what to do by people who you consider to be imbeciles.

I know, I’ve been there....

I would suggest a compromise, by stepping back and applying for lower paid less pressurised jobs in areas related to your current role to see if that improves matters.

Being skint grows real old fast.

My cousin left a high-powered professional job for similar reasons and became a teaching assistant. She didn’t really enjoy it- where she worked it was all a bit “us and them” with teachers and TAs not mixing with each other, and she found herself having to button her lip when, e.g., the teacher taught the kids that 10% of 100 was 1. She left after a year.

However, it gave her a chance to reassess her career and subsequently she built up a portfolio of freelance work so she could control the pressures of work more. She was fortunate to have qualifications and experience which enabled that. Is anything like that a possibility for you?