To think my toddler is just being stubborn with words?!

[MotherToAStubbornOne]

My 21 month old is weird when it comes to talking. For background she babbles in her own language non stop but still isn’t talking. She can say things like Daddy, Eat, Bye, Night, More, Ball, Doggy... she has maybe 10/15 words that she’s uses semi regularly. However she goes some days without saying more then 2 or 3 ‘real’ words. I’ve recently started to teach her some sign language and that’s helped her pick up some more words such as Eat and More as mentioned above. She does the sign language for drink but she says ‘weeee’ instead..

Anyway, the thing that I’m finding frustrating is that she says new words once or twice and then never again. For instance yesterday Waffle the dog was on and she said ‘Waffle’ about 3 times and then refused to say it again. And today she said ‘sticker’ whilst we were looking at some stickers but again, she refuses to say it again. She probably has about 50 words that she has said/used to say but won’t anymore. Sometimes she says a word clearly and then when she tries again it comes out all weird like ‘thank you’ for instance. Oh and recently (about a month ago actually) she had a day where she picked up 5 or 6 new words in one day but she’s gone backwards again since then.

Has anyone else experienced this? I know kids all talk at their own pace but it’s frustrating when I know she can say a lot more than she is. She gets so annoyed when I don’t understand her babbling too so it’s not like she doesn’t want to be able to communicate!

Sorry if that’s long winded, I’m not the best writer.

Do you sing nursery rhymes to her? Sounds strange, but the rhythm, the tunes and the predictability of a familiar song can really help a child who is having problems with early language. Make sure there are no other aural distractions like tv, radio, music playing and try some nursery rhymes, preferably ones with actions. If you are not sure of them there are lots of books of them in libraries, or you can learn them from you tube .

@viques thank you for your reply. Yes we do lots of nursery rhymes and she’s really good at the actions! She’s been able to do all the actions to wind the bobbin up since she was about 15 months. She can sing “whyyy the boh, puh puh bap bap bap” (that last bit is pull pull clap clap clap) but she doesn’t do that often. And she can sings “roh roh rah” when she wants to do row row row your boat.

Another thing to mention is that when my mum comes round she constantly tries to get her to talk (mainly tries to get her to say Nanny and Thankyou) and my dd gets really frustrated. It’s like the more you try to encourage it the more she shuts off. That’s not to say I’ve stopped trying but I just try not to push her too much.

Oh and I should also add that she’s really good at her animal noises! She’s a very bright little girl. Just stubborn as a mule!

It seems from your posts that you're making too much of a deal about it.
Why would she refuse to say a word?

Just talk normally to her and don't make a song and dance about it.

@Lweji

Well I do talk to her normally

I’m just asking if anyone else has had a child who says words but then doesn’t say them again. And I don’t know why she would refuse to say a word.. I’m not a mind reader! But I know for a fact she can say Mummy for instance but she won’t say it anymore. Lately if I ask her to say Mummy she says “Daddy” 😂

Lately if I ask her to say Mummy she says “Daddy”

That's exactly what I was talking about.

@Lweji what do you mean then? Are you saying I shouldn’t encourage to say any words ever?

I don’t ask her to say Mummy often. Like I said I try not to push her with it. But this morning I said “can you say sticker?” And she said it back to me very clearly! But I’ll bet she won’t say it again for a while now.

They do it at their own pace. My DS said a few words at about 15 months and then did nothing but make one random constant noise for the next 6 months. I nearly took him to see a speech therapist at 21/22 months, and then he just started talking again. 6 months later, he's now saying five word sentences and singing nursery rhymes and doesn't ever stop!

We never had any success with "can you say x word?" he would just look at me, like 🤷‍♀️

Hi, I'm a speech therapist. It can be so frustrating when you hear a word once and then not again (I know from my own kids!), but the main thing to do is not ask her to copy/say words. As you said, this can make her frustrated, so remind your family of that too.

Learning words should be fun, so just model the words over and over to her, not asking her to copy, include lots of pauses in your speech so she has time to formulate what she might want to say, sing songs and chat about your day.

She sounds like she's doing fine :)

Just talk normally to her and don't make a song and dance about it

This. She's not even 2 years old yet! Just keep talking to her and she'll get there.

Sounds good on the nursery rhyme front, though not so good with pushy granny!

Have you had a hearing test done recently? Something like glue ear can really make it hard for toddlers, (must be like that weird underwater hearing you can get after a plane journey) it can be very intermittent which means it is not always easy to pick up, but at this time of year when colds are abundant, even a snotty nose for a week can translate into a bunged up ear. For a 15 month old learning new vocabulary this can really slow things down, and could explain why sometimes she picks up words easily and at other times misses off parts of the word or doesn't use words she has previously said .

For instance yesterday Waffle the dog was on and she said ‘Waffle’ about 3 times and then refused to say it again. And today she said ‘sticker’ whilst we were looking at some stickers but again, she refuses to say it again

Stop giving the poor kid the chance to "refuse", stop asking her to repeat words, & let her develop at her own pace.

She is picking up on your anxiety/desire to repeat words, & that might feel stifling or stressful to her.

& FFS stop labelling a tiny child as stubborn for not wishing to parrot words back to you on demand. It is counter-productive - she'll talk when she wants to.

My daughter is very similar to this and the same age, we laugh because I think it’s an early sign we’ve got another stubborn child . She sounds like she just doesn’t want to ‘perform.’ She sounds perfectly normal, as she has got some words that she knows gets her what she wants. Some children ‘bank’ the words and some use them immediately. I’m a teacher with a lot of children with EAL so I’m familiar with language acquisition. If you’re worried there are usually S&L drop ins but she sounds perfect (and spirited!) to me.

You seem to have high expectations and it’s making you frustrated. Your daughter will pick up on this and it won’t help.

Just stop putting pressure on her and stop expecting so much. She’s not even 2 years old.

Do you happen to know other kids the same age who are talking more? Is that why you have certain expectations? Comparing your child to others is never a good idea.

My dd, 26 months, still can't properly say words.

Like yours, she will say something a few times, and then, bam, it's gone.

We have been referred for speech and language therapy as the waiting lists are so long are in ireland that by the time the assessment comes along, they should have a better idea.

She does like songs etc but can't sing the words, she just says ahhhhh and oooohhh in place of words.

It's like a little brain funk that just stops them saying the words they know. The big thing when we had her 2 year check up was 2 words together which she cannot do. She speaks her own language and I now understand her, as others are starting too😂

You still have time. I did say to the health nurse when she was 22 months I wanted a follow up(she was being checked for weight and her soft spot!). So they did it all there and then. So we had a follow up for weight and speech.

If you're concerned, speak to the health nurse.

@fassbender Thank you, that’s very helpful! She only ever says a word if I ask her to so it’s hard not to but I’ll stop.

I was the one telling everyone she was fine and will say things in own time but other people have gotten in my head and made me feel like I’m not doing enough!

I’ll tell people (especially my mum) to back off a bit and leave her to it.

@viques I think her hearing is okay because she understands everything I say to her, which I guess is a pretty good sign too!

Are you saying I shouldn’t encourage to say any words ever?

Well... yes. She's not a trained monkey.
She's not in a race to say words.
Just talk with her. Ask her questions that require words. Such as: do you want milk or juice? Do you want to go with mum or dad? What do you want to eat? Etc.

I am a speech Pathologist and based on her age and language skills I would consider taking her to see a SALT

I’ve probably made myself come across as more frustrated than I really am. I posted this more out of curiosity.. I just wondered if others had children that were similar! I’m actually very laid back. She was behind with her crawling and walking too but that didn’t phase me.

I think her babbling is adorable and I’ll miss it when it stops! It’s good to know others have children who are similar and there’s been some good advice, so thank you!

@Lweji I’m just going to ignore you because you’re being rude and unhelpful.

@helterskelter3 & @0hT00dles glad to know I’m not alone with the stubborn toddler 😂

DS said mum at less than 1 year old and little more until he was at least 18 months.
Of course he wouldn't shut up when he reached the question phase.
He's also bilingual.
As your DD seems to have her own language, it's possible she acts as bilingual and English may not be a priority for her.

She's still not two, I'd just relax and let her chatter away and talk to her without any pressure to say specific words.

My DS is two soon and doesn't have many words at all which is strange for me as his brother was chattering away in full sentences from about 18 months but he'll get there in his own time.

Ok, then...

@Lweji sorry but I just didn’t appreciate the trained monkey comment! I spend all day chatting normally to her and I ask her questions like you said above too. I just don’t like that you assumed I don’t do those things. It’s not often I ask her to repeat a word. But as I said, the only time she does say a new word is when someone says “can you say X?”

I only asked started this thread because my OH said “I wonder if other kids do this, we can’t be the only ones 😂 find out!”