To think my toddler is just being stubborn with words?!

[MotherToAStubbornOne]

My 21 month old is weird when it comes to talking. For background she babbles in her own language non stop but still isn’t talking. She can say things like Daddy, Eat, Bye, Night, More, Ball, Doggy... she has maybe 10/15 words that she’s uses semi regularly. However she goes some days without saying more then 2 or 3 ‘real’ words. I’ve recently started to teach her some sign language and that’s helped her pick up some more words such as Eat and More as mentioned above. She does the sign language for drink but she says ‘weeee’ instead..

Anyway, the thing that I’m finding frustrating is that she says new words once or twice and then never again. For instance yesterday Waffle the dog was on and she said ‘Waffle’ about 3 times and then refused to say it again. And today she said ‘sticker’ whilst we were looking at some stickers but again, she refuses to say it again. She probably has about 50 words that she has said/used to say but won’t anymore. Sometimes she says a word clearly and then when she tries again it comes out all weird like ‘thank you’ for instance. Oh and recently (about a month ago actually) she had a day where she picked up 5 or 6 new words in one day but she’s gone backwards again since then.

Has anyone else experienced this? I know kids all talk at their own pace but it’s frustrating when I know she can say a lot more than she is. She gets so annoyed when I don’t understand her babbling too so it’s not like she doesn’t want to be able to communicate!

Sorry if that’s long winded, I’m not the best writer.

My DS is 21m and I could have written this post. He's so similar to what you describe. I have decided as long as there is progress, however slow, I'm not going to get worked up about it until his 2 year assessment.

@Allyo19 thanks for the reply! That’s all I wanted to know, that others were experiencing the same thing. As I’ve not come across this before!

I’m really pleased with her progress regardless and as you’ve said, I’m not going to even consider looking into it further until she’s 2! And using sign language has really helped lately.

How does she respond when you ask an x or y question?

Ok, the trained monkey was a bit strong, but I still don't see the need to insist she says new words again.
Language develops as people communicate with each other.

Fwiw both Dd and Ds were non verbal at 2 years old. Dd didn’t even babble

Ds was nearer 4 till other people understood him.

They are late teens now and speak perfectly well.

I wouldn’t get wound up about what she said one day and what she didn’t say the next

As you said she is a bright girl and these things will come

It is hard not to worry with family and competitive mums making comments.
I believe he'll have a burst in the next couple of months but if not then we'll get an assessment.
Have you looked at the Ages and Stages questionnaire for 24 months? I found that quite reassuring. We currently score 30, which is the 'try a few things and check again in a few months' score, rather then straight to referral.

@Lweji well, I’ve just asked her if she wants water or juice and she smiled started doing a dance 😂

They really are all so different

My first was super chatty very early and would repeat ever word he heard and it would stick in his vocabulary from a very young age and by 2 he was very verbal

Second was not as interested in copying words and would, like yours say it and then not again for a while.
With him I completely stopped telling him to repeat or say something. I would just speak slowly and encourage him to use words when he wanted something.
Also picture books were great for him. I would just point at the pictures and say wow what is this and he would attempt the words.
By 2.5 he was speaking really well. He's pronunciation isn't always very clear but he has a wide vocabulary now so no concerns at all

I agree that some children get frustrated with being overly prompted and other thrive from it - only learnt this from having to take a different approach with DS2

Meaning neither. That's fine.

@Allyo19 I’ve not but I’ll take a look for curiosity’s sake.

She’s currently say doing a jigsaw puzzle and chatting away to herself. I really will miss her little language

Say = sat

DS (20mths) is like this & I totally understand how you're feeling. It's incredibly frustrating for him & us when we can't understand what he wants or is trying to say. We've done all the above & are trying to not get concerned but it's hard as our experience with DD (5) was the opposite, she was early with words & picked them up at a rate of knots. She could have proper conversations with you around 2yrs & at this age she'd have new words every week.

Does she understand what you are saying? If you ask her to get her shoes, or point to the car can she do that?

I think it really is repetition, repetion, repetition. As others have said ask precise questions - either x or y. If she replies with the word great -you say fantastic - you want y for lunch, or the dog to play with etc. Pass her the object saying here is the dog, you wanted the dog. etc

Once they gat the hang of that, move onto the next stage - Here's the brown dog, you wanted the dog.

But lots of singing and lots of books will help too.

@twinckletwinck thanks for your reply!

Thanks for pointing out that some kids thrive from being asked to repeat words. I thought that too so it’s weird that some people are being so pissy with me for ever asking her to repeat a word and making out like I’m putting pressure on her when I’m really not!

We have loads of picture books that were gifted to us and they’ve been a big help too. So I’ll keep at it with them (she loves them) and make sure I’m not asking her to repeat anything anymore.

@Seeline yes she understands almost everything you say to her so I’m not too worried about her progress. You’ve given some great advice there

I think she just shuts down when people try to get her to say things. It’s been helpful to know that we need to stop doing this completely!

@APurpleSquirrel it’s hard when they get frustrated! She repeats sentences to me but I haven’t got a clue what she’s saying and then she shouts at me because I don’t understand her

I'd say she sounds perfectly normal!

My DS is 2.5, he talks and mutters to himself in what sounds like his own little language when playing but when speaking to others he will use words and has started doing proper sentences

Lweji is correct though, she isn’t a performing sea lion or trained monkey. Just talk, repeat, repeat, repeat, sing, sing some more, name every little thing out loud, read lots of books and it will all come. My daughter is nearly 3 and is only just putting together four-word sentences sometimes. Her understanding is there and your daughter’s is too, that’s what matters. She will have a developmental check soon so you can bring it up, but seriously, relax about it and you’ll find she’ll be more enthusiastic.

I think that’s a good plan - just stop asking her to say words and get your family to stop too.

So Like this

“ do you want juice or milk? “

She indicates juice .

“ So you’d like juice. Good, we have black currant juice today, your favourite . Do you want to help pour it out ? “

“ Do you want the red cup or the green cup? “ ( you show them as obviously she doesn’t know the names of colours ).

She points to green.

“ you want the green cup with handles. Does teddy want a drink too? “

She nods

You pretend to give a drink to teddy etc .

You DONT try to get her to reply to you in words, or not give her what she wants until she says it.

The most important thing is not that she talks but that you can she she understands what YOU are saying. If she can HEAR the difference between juice / milk ( rather than recognise the bottles ) that indicates ( not proof ) that her hearing and comprehension are ok .

If you say “ do you what to go into the garden ? “ and she runs to get her coat / to the door, you know she links these activities ( wearing a coat to go outside ).

So If you are playing with her with blocks, talk about what she is doing .

“ oh shall we make a big tower? Do you want to put on another block? Oh you have two blocks , well done. “

“ oh now you have knocked them all down - crash ! “ .

DON’T say “ Here’s a block - what is it? No say the word block. Good now say the word please.”

Etc etc.

If she says a word wrongly DONT correct her EVER. Just model the correct word.

So if she points to a cat and says “ dog”, just say “ yes that’s a cat, it’s Mog who lives next door. The cat says Miao . Do you want to pat her ? “

Some children just hate being asked to perform, so pressurising her to do it more won’t work and may be making her anxious.

If she is stubborn as you say, the last thing you want to do is get into a control battle about this. Her speaking or not is not under your control so don’t even go there.

I’d also speak to your health visitor to get her advice, in case she needs SAL assessment.

My eldest didn’t speak until he was three. Absolutely nothing wrong with him, haven’t been able to shut him up since . He just exploded with hundreds of words shortly after his third birthday, it was quite bizarre. Your toddler has 10-15 words which sounds normal at that age.

She sounds super!

I have a suggestion. Try copying exactly what she says and repeat it to yourself until you decipher her "language". Then when she says something to you, repeat it back once and answer with repetition.

Eg "Wo yeya babby?
"Where is the other rabbit? Mmh... here's Pink rabbit. Where is the other one? Ah! Other rabbit! There."

I did that with my kid, and we could have quite long conversations. Just like yours she would pronounce the word correctly, then forget. So "the other rabbit" became "yeya babby". The y was from the sound between "the" and "other". Once I figured that, and that she would repeat a consonant in the rhythm of the word, then I could decode her.

Hth

Hth

@Double3xposure thanks for that

I do a lot of that with her already. As I’ve said it’s very rare I ask her to repeat a word.

We just went out for a walk and when I said “Shall we go outside?” She went tried to put her coat on and she put her socks and shoes on by herself! She’s very independent.

As you said, I don’t correct her words. For instance when she says “wee” instead of “drink” because I know what she means and I don’t think it’s fair to her to tell her she’s wrong. But I still ask her “do you want a drink?” So she’s still hearing the ‘correct’ word.

I’ll go through all of what you’ve said with my OH and mum so that they’re on board. My OH doesn’t ask her to say much either but my Mum is terrible for it. Just constantly asking her to say thank you over and over and it clearly upsets my dd which is why I hardly ever do it.

@BiblioX I absolutely do not treat her like a performing sea monkey! Thank you very much if this is in regards to her saying Waffle 3 times... she was the one who repeated it 3 times. I then said “ahhh waffle” and she didn’t say it again. I didn’t ask her to say it again though. I just repeated it a few more times and then left it alone.

Also, I don’t want her to talk for my entertainment so the performing monkey comments are ridiculous. I’m obviously just trying to be a good Mum and help my child with her development. There’s no need for people to be all judgey about this it’s not going to help anyone.

We just went out for a walk and when I said “Shall we go outside?” She went tried to put her coat on and she put her socks and shoes on by herself! She’s very independent

I’m impressed. My 14 year old cant put on socks and shoes without being asked a dozen times .

One of my other children was very independent too. His first “sentence” was “ Dooit masel” ( I can do it myself ).

Your DD obviously has good comprehension, that’s encouraging.

TBF, "stubborn with words" is hardly an expression I'd use regarding children starting to talk.

It suggests a certain attitude from the part of the parent, which was reinforced in the OP. It points to a battle of wills, regardless of what you say you're not doing in further posts.

It may well be unfair in this case, but unless children actually have developmental problems, most issues are either caused or made worse by parents.

As another pp has pointed out, they will mispronounce words and we have to learn how they pronounce words too. It takes time and a lot of patience. Don't expect perfect words.