To fantasise about going missing.

[Lilyamna]

I’m not going anywhere.

But I think about it a lot. Where I would go. How I would get there without leaving a trace. How long it would take people to notice I had gone and how long before they actually got worried.
I’d go to The Highlands, and I reckon it’s take 4 days for people to start looking.
Anyone else ever think about this or am I just odd?

telling the family, "Right. I'm off. Sort yourselves out."

is completely different!

I used to imagine doing this, and then it sort of happened to me. I did this to an extent. I did a Shirley Valentine act, and left a note on the kitchen table. Went to live in a flat in the next village, the only people I told was my dad and my kids (in their 20s, living away from home). So my dh and friends didn’t know where I was.

I had savings and found a job, and I was never happier, so glad I ditched the old life.

A guy at my friend's workplace recently 'disappeared'. Work van found parked by road with keys still in ignition. Very odd! Still not found two weeks later.

YEah, Driving with the brakes on.

Another recommendation for the Undomestic Goddess. Not a fan of her other books but I do like that one, apart from the sadly predictable ending.....

Just remembered another book that I found more emotionally satisfying

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0099479419/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i5?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Every morning at 6.25am I go and hang out my washing on the line. Every morning at 6.27am my kids start shouting for me and asking where I am.

So in my case, 2 minutes.

I have the fantasy too though. The trick would be to pick somewhere completely random with no connection to you.

Should day its Ladder of Years by Anne Tyler

I thought about it all the time as a young person living at home with parents. Sometimes, even now, I wish I had done it!

Nope, you're not alone. I quite often think along the same lines.

I sometimes dream of finding a remote cave somewhere and just hibernating .

I remember someone doing this - it was in the news.

He lived in Scotland with his wife and son, I think he was
a solicitor, and he just disappeared one day. No trace could be found
of him for many years.

It turns out he took himself off to Cornwall and worked as an itinerant
picker on farms down there. He was found because the police
did some raids of farm workers - I can't remember the reason for it but
they weren't looking for him but they were checking everyone's ID.

The pic in the news when the man went missing was of an overweight middle aged man who you would pass in the street without
looking twice.
The pic of him after he was found was of a slim man who looked 20 years younger. You would never have guessed it was the same man.

If I remember correctly he didn't want any contact with his wife and son after he was found.

On the light hearted side, I have had the 'how would I do it' thoughts. To start with, you need to social isolate yourself before you leave, so way less people are bothered to look for you. You would have to stop clubs/work/visiting/volunteering, then social media, then reduce contact with friends and family. After a year or so, you mention traveling to wherever, slip away, and go somewhere else.
I reckon you can hide in plain sight if no one is bothered to look for you.

On the not so light hearted, one of my school friends went missing, and has never been found. Witnessesing the trauma his family has been through, I would never, ever do it.

I have an 8 week old that I love very much. He is beautiful. I am very tired though and I have panic attacks. Sometimes I wonder how far I could get in the night when the baby and dh are asleep. I picture just putting my shoes on and running through the night. Disappearing somewhere quiet where no one can find me and sleeping a really long time.

On the light hearted side, I have had the 'how would I do it' thoughts
To start with, you need to social isolate yourself before you leave, so way less people are bothered to look for you. You would have to stop clubs/work/visiting/volunteering, then social media, then reduce contact with friends and family. After a year or so, you mention traveling to wherever, slip away, and go somewhere else
I reckon you can hide in plain sight if no one is bothered to look for you

This and you would need a stash of money. I actually did this , not for long and many years ago. I had plenty of money cos I inherited some from my parents death. So with them gone, not many people would wonder where I was (pre children)
I upped and went with just a case. Literally got onto the first train to wherever (hull as it happened) and started again. Took me 4 years to come back home,still no one cared.
Obviously now I look back and I was hurting so much and I had the good luck. Dont think anyone could do it now. Too much data and too many cameras, once someone got the police interested in your going missing they would find you. But if no one knows that you actually went missing well yes you could.

I would never do it as I know the upset and carnage it would cause. (Married with 2 adult children both left home.)

But OMG I HAVE fantasised about it. I worked full time for the first 12-13 years of my adult life before having kids, then for 20 more or so years I was working (3 to 4 days a week) whilst raising the kids, and also looking after elderly parents.

Really trying to juggle so much! I know many women can relate. I used to fantasise occasionally, about running away too, and even wished I could be hospitalised for 3 months or so, just so I could have no responsibilities, and no work, and DH could look after the kids for a change. (He was always so busy in his big important job when they were little/young, so most of the childcare fell to me.)

And now both sets of parents have passed, me and DH are in our mid 50s, and the kids have left and are independent. However, I now feel like a nursemaid and personal assistant of DH. He is 57, and has one ailment after another, he is always 'ill,' he is going to the doctors at least once a month, also various clinics and specialists, for one new ailment after another, and I seem to be spending more time with him at hospital and clinic appointments than ever before. He never goes a single month without a visit/appointment to a medical specialist. I don't really HAVE to go with him every time, but I would never hear the last of it if I didn't go; he's like a baby... 'but I don't wanna go on my OWN! I NEEEEED you with me, you're my WIIIIIFE!'

So yeah I find myself quite regularly fantasising about fucking off and leaving him to it, as I don't think I can stand other 25-30 years of his 'ailments' and his huffing and puffing and moaning... AND going to all these fucking appointments with him. I rarely go to the docs or any specialists, and when I DO, I go alone, but he can't go alone apparently! I seriously feel like his fucking personal nurse.

Oh and since the kids left home, (at 20 -ish) I have carried on working... 4 days a week.

@Stuckupsnob

More detail please!!

So you left your husband and went to live in the next village but didn’t tell anyone. But you don’t say your ex, is he still your dh?

How did that work?

faracrossthepond I have to say, in your position (which I will hopefully be in in about ten years' time) I would go. In fact that's my running away fantasy - if my DH continues on his current trajectory into grumpy old man-hood, I'm not ruining my middle age and retirement listening to that. I used to get so guilty about not putting other people first but then I had kids and realised these are the people I'm willing to make sacrifices for, nobody else.

What would happen if you left? He wouldn't cope, and if you didn't help him he'd start asking the kids and trying to get them to get you to go back? Do you not think that whining would be a lot easier to ignore from your own flat, possibly drinking iced tea while you read the Sunday paper, with his number blocked on your phone?

Once DC's have grown up, flown the coup and you are on your own, it is so much easier. But it's easier to get 'lost' in a crowd ie larger town/city where neighbour's are generally more self-centered and could care less about anyone else.

Not having a social media profile helps, or at least if you 'must' do SM then use another name/location/etc to put people 'off your scent'.

Just over 10 yrs ago when I left, several 'friends' claimed I would be missed and they would keep in touch, they had my phone number and email address, but none of them even bothered. Hurt a bit at first, but wasn't surprising as they showed their true colours.

Works for me and means my life is peaceful after a horrendous childhood that I wouldn't wish on anyone. For those 'thinking' about it, give it a try! ;-)

Yes I wonder too. Not for the aspect of having people worry about me, but of just dropping all the burdens and setting off. If " Fast Car" comes on the radio I think about just driving to the airport and jumping on the next flight to anywhere. A good novel I read aws about a man who did just that. Dreading an awful dinner party with guests he hated and a marriage on the rocks, and being sent out to buy some napkins, he just keeps going.
www.amazon.co.uk/Adventures-Goodnight-Loving-Leslie-Thomas/dp/0140086722?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

When walking to work instead of going left, I sometimes think about going right.

My fantasy is a villa on a Greek island. In my head, I've picked its location, decorated and furnished it. I've planned the work I would get (in a local bar, not catering to tourists). In my fantasy, I am somehow fluent in Greek and would have completely overcome both my fear of driving on the right hand side of the road and my dislike of much Greek cuisine...

The work in the bar would keep me financially afloat, of course, while I write my Novel. I am going to be the next big thing in YA writing, the next J.K. Rowling in my fantasy, but still manage to maintain my anonymity.

No, I haven't spent hours pondering this, why do you ask?

Apologies as this isn’t really on topic, but had a plan for kind of hiding in plain sight, and it nearly worked. It was to have a tiny minimalist flat or room in the middle of a very busy part of the city that I love, and I say “kind of” hiding because it would be obvious where I was, but they would respect my need for solitude. I was going to read all my books, then donate them, and listen to my vinyl and donate it.

I had also lined up a pied a terre for travelling. Not far, not fast, just three consecutive days a week when my life was my own. Both places had secure entry and were on second floors, which meant no-one would know whether I was in or out.

I was also going to go on one big trip, on my own, to a place that means a lot to me that I have never been to before.

In the space of a month, it all blew apart. I find myself tied to this shitty town in ways I never imagined, always contactable, never alone in any sense, and unable to concentrate long enough to escape into a book.

I love this. I know someone who did it. Her children were grown up and she spent ages secretly saving money. She went to a nearby town and rented a flat and carried on living with her husband while visiting the flat to decorate and furnish it but never said a word to anyone. Then when she was ready, she left and moved into her perfect little flat and didn't give anyone the address, but kept in touch with her children. She's now married to a new husband and very happy (no longer in the secret flat).

I thought this was just my little fantasy. No idea that others dreamed about it too! Certainly, I get the selfishness of the panic it would cause. But I would love just for a few days to be away from all contact with humanity.

I think about it often and would love to do it. If only I had enough money.