To fantasise about going missing.

[Lilyamna]

I’m not going anywhere.

But I think about it a lot. Where I would go. How I would get there without leaving a trace. How long it would take people to notice I had gone and how long before they actually got worried.
I’d go to The Highlands, and I reckon it’s take 4 days for people to start looking.
Anyone else ever think about this or am I just odd?

God, this has literally never occurred to me.
Maybe I'm weird!

I wouldn't head for the Highlands! Everyone knows everyone and everyone's business! No anonymity to be had 😀

I never thought this until I became a Mum, I don’t think about it seriously, but it does sometimes pop into my head. It’s the responsibility aspect, before, I could just piss off anywhere.

Yes. The responsibility.

I thought about it a lot when DH was sick, and think about it a lot now I am bringing up our DC alone

My fantasy is similar, but less dramatic. I have an imaginary bolthole in London. When I am there, noone knows where I am, I don't know anyone, and noone calls me or is concerned about me. I can do exactly what I like with only myself for company. It's odd, because I'm very happy with my life, but I would love to escape all the responsibility from time to time.

I thought I was weird even entertaining this thought, but it seems I'm not so odd!

I reckon I could hide pretty well “in plain sight”. My maiden name is along the lines of Smith and I have a common first initial so I could go back to that and be pretty anonymous.

Ladder of years by Anne Tyler is about just this. I reread it when I'm feeling trapped, so cathartic.

But actually I have missing fantasies all time, I can be out for a walk with my husband/friend and I'll muse in my head what would happen if they turned round and I'm gone.

I've come to bed before my husband, night indulge in one now...

I loved that book. I read it before I'd even had kids, I wasn't even in a relationship. I just loved the idea that starting again was always an option.

I used to dream about doing this when my kids were young, had to work full time and had less contact with my friends as we all had such busy demanding lives. I used to think that they would only miss me when they got hungry.
Kids are very much adults now and have different problems, that are not my responsibility although I like to be "there" for them now and I feel far more appreciated by DH and family than I did years ago so I wouldn't want to vanish now.

There’s a couple of books that deal with this theme.

The Day I Died is worth a read, although it is pretty unrealistic.

As I was driving to pick my mum up to stay with us for Xmas I fantasised that there would be an almighty and unexpected fall of snow. I'd have to abandon the journey and could travel no further until the thaw! I'd hole up in an anonymous budget hotel with a comprehensive breakfast buffet and WiFi and emerge around Jan 3rd when it was all over

I found a campsite about 45 minutes from home that has little wooden hobbit houses, and every so often I take myself off for a few nights. It is my Happy Place! No electricity, no WiFi, just perfect peace and quiet. I mostly go on my own with a pile of books, colouring stuff, and just forget the world exists 😁 utter bliss!

I do sometimes. I'm just curious to find out who besides my family would care enough to try and get in touch! I've no plans to actually do it but it's a nice daydream.

My dream is to buy a campervan, and just go off. Mostly it's to get away from DP, not DC!

@PomBearWithAnOFRS your hobbit hole sounds amazing! I want to go there!

Most of the time it’s the escape I’m after, but some days (bit like today) it’s the melancholy “would they even miss me? Would they be sad? How long until they forgot about me?” questions that get me.

I had a pretty shit childhood and have very dysfunctional (divorced) parents who have each made themselves dependents of mine emotionally and financially, which led to my nervous breakdown in 2018. I didn’t really have a childhood or young adulthood as I had adult responsibilities from a very young age.

I have what I think is ‘runaway ideation’ instead of suicide ideation and I do feel I kind of romanticise those that have done a disappearing act. I can’t commit suicide because I have children, and I had to witness my father’s suicide attempt as a child so I swore I would never inflict that on my kids.

I think this leaves the running away as the fantasy option. Although I am unlikely to do it as have a really supportive DH who doesn’t want to leave this house and I feel safe enough to stick it out with him and the kids.

Also, whenever there is a missing adult campaign on FB etc I never buy into the narrative of ‘their parents/family must be so worried etc’. I can clearly imagine that most of these people never wanting to be found have been fundamentally damaged by their families of origin. I even envy them a little bit, they must feel so wonderfully free.

Yes I definitely fantasise about a few days on my own!! No contact with my husband,children and friends..!! Me time is what I really crave ..!!

Please let me have your best tips on how to get away with this and where to go.

My ex has done it. Fucked off to Norway. Didn't say goodbye to the kids. Didn't tell them he was going. No job to go to. No forwarding address. Told me tonight no more maintenance. Anything is possible apparently. Knock yourself out.

Ds and I are going to do this one day, get a campervan and go home to Scotland and travel around. Dd is happy here and hates roughing it so we are waiting for her to be fully independent and we re off.

You'd easily be found.

I go missing all the time, not for very long I'll admit but I get a slight pang of satisfaction. "Mum! Mum! MUUUUM! MUM? DAAD! DAAAAD?! WHERE IS MUM?!"

I should add I'm only hiding in the toilet not Brazil or anything.

I was going to say this
I wouldn't head for the Highlands! Everyone knows everyone and everyone's business! No anonymity to be had 😀
It would take half an hour maximum before the gossip started!

The frightening mess, trauma, police investigation for a missing person, that you would leave behind, means that you are incredibly wierd and selfish, for even considering this for more than a nano second!