Is OH having an affair?

[Grigio3000]

A long few months ago now, after a row with OH, I found a Google search “Should I have an affair”. OH goes out to night classes (Which have been even more frequent lately. Which they always dress up for) so has plenty of opportunity to do so. Also seen a few other things on line, some odd behaviour, but no smoking gun yet. Am I being paranoid? How do I confront? What if I’ve got the wrong end of the stick? Trust is then gone. Help.

I don’t want them to think I’m spying on them. Because that creates a trust issue. And yes, I know there is already a trust issue.

Can you arrange to meet dp for a drink FOEF the class? See how reacts.

Is he showing the classic signs - more secretive with phone? Second phone? Suddenly taken an increase in what he wears? Eats? Unusual spending on cards,or extra cash (which doesn’t leave a paper trail) etc

The increase in night classes does sound suspicious, though. Can you google the course, to see if there’s a programme of events on? Or even phone the organisers (don’t give your name, just say you are attending xyz class, and want to check the next few dates) to check dates of classes?

Nothing concrete to confirm an affair t the moment, so watch and wait.

FOEF? Before..

Are you a man in a heterosexual relationship? Or a lesbian? Notice you've evaded using pronouns.

I love how people assume its a man in question? Not once has op said 'he'

What difference does that make @ConsiderTheCentre?!

I love how people assume its a man in question? Not once has op said 'he'

Very careful to avoid it actually. Which always pisses me off so I'm swerving this one.

It's just incongurous to read he, he, he when that's not what the op has said.

Surely there is only one answer to should I have an affair and that is NO!

Why would anyone ask google?

How weird.

Are you male or female? I can't see many men 'dressing up' for an evening class. I could perhaps understand a woman making a bit of an effort if she was going out as may women do this anyway.

I've googled all sorts of things when my head has felt a mess and I'm trying to make sense of it. If it was after a row it could be just that.

But if you're having rows, his head is in a place to look for those sorts of answers, and yours to think that this might be going on, then it might be worth asking yourself and then him 'are we happy' and if not 'can we be happy' and 'do we want to be happy'

This might seem really over simplistic but I wished my ex had asked me this instead of having affairs, or I had asked him these questions instead of 'which film did you watch, when did start, so what did you do between then and midnight'

I too am more interested in your attempt to swerve a gendered pronoun than I am in your problem tbh. What's that all about?

Perhaps the person in question is non binary.

What are the classes?

Why the weird avoidance of pronouns?

Ignore the google thing - if your relationship is at a point where you are both considering affairs, there are trust issues, neither of you sound that happy, maybe it's time to call it a day.

My recent study Weird Gender Pronoun Avoidance on Mumsnet showed that it is 20% lesbian couples, 1% millennials and 79% men in heterosexual relationships. Of the 79% about 80% were sexist and wanted advice from women while simultaneously hating them. 19% wanted a gotcha on MN with their partner. 1% well meaning.

Such a clunky OP, all the 'they' stuff. Always makes me feel vaguely insulted.

Oh I think it's possibly quite deliberate that OP hasn't said either 'he' or 'she' - the generality of the posting makes me just a little bit suspect that this is going to be one of those 'reverses' where it ends up getting pointed out quite sanctimoniously how the answers would have been totally different if they'd said the straying partner was female...

Sounds about right MrsTerryPratchett

I just tried typing 'Should I have a' into Google and 'affair' was the first predictive in the list, followed by 'Baby', 'smart meter', 'fringe' etc

Could he have started typing the sentence & accidentally pressed return to soon, therefore getting the top query?

Could be the OP is male and is familiar with MN, and doesn't want to be labelled as controlling or creepy for worrying about such things.
Just a thought.

19% wanted a gotcha on MN with their partner.

While 90% of women posted would be after this and would usually be met with LTB.

I don't think that's fair actually MrsTerryPratchet - I always avoid gendered pronouns on here because the advice is almost always sexist against men and I want frank honest opinions that are not swayed by sexist bias (conscious or unconscious and male or female). It horrifies me when a woman punches a man and they are told what did he do to provoke it but vice versa it's all LTB and and he's a violent abuser. Ditto with parents witholding contact - if a woman does it then they must have good reason but if a man does it then he is reprehensible and almost certainly only being the resident parent in order to avoid paying child maintenance.
Here endeth my rant.

I can't see many men 'dressing up' for an evening class.

Depends perhaps on what they do at work and what the course is. If they're in a more manual role they may well want to get changed to go out, even if only to a class.

If my DH checked my phone he might find some odd google searches. Right off the bat recently was "Is my partner controlling?" and "What are the warning signs of a potential abuser?", both of which were googled by me during a discussion with a friend regarding her new bf. So the 'Should I have an affair" all by itself I wouldn't take as 'proof'. But coupled with new/odd behaviours or a change in our relationship it might point me in a 'new direction'.

I'd never confront someone about an affair unless I had solid proof. But if I suspected it, I'd keep digging until I had it or exhausted all possibilities.

Would it be odd for you to ask to 'sit in' on one of his/her classes saying you're just curious about them?