Long story short I’ve just bought a house, I’m single and my partner has left me for another woman doesn’t see our son and hasn’t for a very long time. I got pregnant on the pill didn’t know I was pregnant (smoked cannabis and got drunk at a party about 4 days before I found out) I now have a 20 month old toddler who definitely has ASD. he walk on his tiptoes, no interest in other kids, doesn’t point, doesn’t speak, doesn’t play with toys, doesn’t interact with other people even if they try, does stuff and then forgets (could wave etc now doesn’t) (could say Mama nana now doesn’t) I have been trying do incredibly hard y make stuff easier for him, I’ve talked to my HV as well as the GP but both dismissed me saying he’s too young and most toddlers do stuff like this. The thing is I know it’s cringe but sometimes a mother just knows, I’ve always known he’s a little bit different. Anyway so basically I’ve been up at night and every break time at work researching how to help a toddler how to help with getting him to talk etc. During the day I sing to him, show him flash cards which he loves, read him books and point to stuff, try to encourage him to play I put out two to three toys and play with them so he’s not overwhelmed but he’s not interested and walks back and fourth around the room all day, I take him on walks and narrate what’s happening I point to stuff eg look a duck etc I sing nursery rhymes with him I limit screen time I get a bag with items in it and name each one I make it fun and sometimes use a silly voice or pretend I’m really excited. I take him to soft play so he can interact with other kids we go to a Toddler gym class every Monday and Thursday and he’s just not making any progress, I have some money saved up and I’m wondering is it worth it to take him to a professional speech therapist? And I doing something wrong? I’m so stressed out with the new house and I still miss my husband and my mind keeps taking me back to when things were goood and east and I don’t want to miss him but I still do and I’m starting to lose my patience with my toddler I’m Absolutely exhausted and can’t seem to catch a break. Despite all of his walking and all of our outings he decides that 9 o clock is his bedtime which isn’t great and last night he went to sleep way after 12 and woke up at 6 screaming. He makes himself vomit and I’m really just at the end of my tether last night I put him in his high chair went upstairs and just cried out of pure exhaustion and frustration. If I knew motherhood would be so hard I would of never had a baby I know it sounds absolutely horrible but I just needed to vent. Any advice would be very appreciated.