To want just one nights sleep?

[ifeeltheneedtheneedforsleep]

I had a baby almost 2 weeks ago - long story short was a traumatic birth that ended up with an emergency section under general anaesthetic, baby in SCBU and we were in hospital for 9 days. During that time, barely slept as the hospital ward was terrible - dh kept things going at home with dc1 and visited several times a day etc
Since we came home, I've pretty much been expected to just get on with it despite having awful headaches and still having some pain from the wound. DH will have cuddles etc with baby and help in terms of making up bottles etc but when it comes to night time, I'm on my own as he buggers off to the spare room where he has yet another good nights sleep. I'm totally wiped - baby is generally really good all day but come night time he will not sleep. I just need a bit of a break and it's soul destroying hearing him snore in the other room while I'm sitting here with a screaming baby absolutely exhausted

Is your husband back at work already or is he on paternity leave? Could you speak to him about doing shifts if baby is bottle fed, so he takes them say 8-12 while you get an early night, then you do the rest of the night while he gets some sleep for work the next day? At least then you'd get one solid block of sleep each night and feel a bit more rested

He's still on paternity leave for another week and baby is bottle fed x

Have you actually spoken to him about it?

Yanbu. If you are bottle feeding he can help with the feeds. You got to bed early etc then cover the later part of the night etc

If he is still on leave then YADNBU. He should do a few full nights to allow you to recover.

Yanbu. You've just had major surgery and yet you're the only one up all night while he sleeps and enjoys his paternity leave? Er....just no.

Why don't you split it according to who is best in the early mornings and who is a night owl. Eg if baby wakes between midnight and 3am it's you. If baby wakes between 3am and 6am it's him.

He’s off work and your wee one is bottle fed? Why is he not doing the night feeds? Lazy sod. You should be the one getting a full nights sleep to let your body recover. Congratulations

Have you spoken to him about it? Of course he should be doing half the night.

You have to talk to him. Even when he’s back at work he has to help you. He should get more sleep than you but not he gets a full night and you get fragments here and there. It’s hard when you’re so tired but tell him. Tel him you will tell all your friends and family that he does nothing at night if he doesn’t pick up his game. I wish I’d done that, you can tell they know it’s shit behaviour when they are horrified at the idea of you doing this. I started helping at night with ds1 when I told him I really wanted to strangle him and I meant it. I really meant it. I’ve since told him that our marriage will never recover if he isn’t proactive at making sure I get some sleep if we have a third (which he wants). It’s the truth. I hope he listens op, it’s the most unbelievably selfish behaviour.

YNBU... Ds is 3 soon and dd is 4months.. And I'm yet to have a full night's sleep since ds was born as bf both and haven't stopped between... Its torture... I lost it with dp (doesn't live with us) the other weekend because I am soooo tired and it just drives me insane that no matter how bad or long my nights are or have been he just gets to walk out of here and drop all responsibility and go relax and sleep for the whole night... I appreciate that he does lots of other things to help but getting a 30 min nap occasionally in a day time doesn't make up for 3 yrs of broken sleep/no sleep at nights

He's being utterly shit and needs to step up - but you need to tell him, not us.

What the actual fuck does he think he's playing at? Does he realise the baby is up half the night?

What an inconsiderate loser your husband is.

Absolutely no excuse for this. He needs to step up - NOW.

When ours were little my husband would 6pm-12am and I’d do 12am-6am. We played to our strengths. It HAS to be fair otherwise resentment builds. Good luck and congratulations

Your husband should do one night straight away so you can rest and get some of your strength back and then I would switch to 6-12, and 12-6 shifts until he goes back to work.

Speak to him and tell him you've had major surgery, have not yet recovered and need to sleep. Tell him tonight you will be in the spare room. He is most definitely taking the piss!

@TooManyPups similar situation but both mine are a bit older (my DH is at home but by the time the older wanted him at night I had two anyway). I reckon if I don’t have any more maybe I’ll have a night sleep maybe in 2021 or potentially 2022.
However I’m kind of just used to it and I’m not sure I’m sleep deprived any more. I’m not even sure if I could sleep through the night now.

Have you actually just said 'I'm done, off in the spare room tonight and I need you to deal with the kids'?
I had to do it the day after my section with DD2. Was home less than 24hrs after and up and down the stairs in our 3 story and I just hit a wall.

No big deal. Took all the pain meds, had a full nights sleep and felt like a new woman in the morning. DH didn't bat an eyelid tbf - he always makes it look easy when I'm not involved 😆 but I was very explicit about what I needed as I hadn't been as bad after my first section.

He’s off work, no excuse. If he goes in the spare room, wake him up and hand him the baby and tell him your going back to sleep. You just had surgery, your DH is being an inconsiderate arse.

YANBU (surprised you even have to ask). There's no reason your husband can't do nights while he's on paternity leave, especially after you've had a section.

DS2 is ebf & turned 2 weeks today. DP went back to work today & last night was the only night since having DS2 that he hasn't helped on the night shift by changing nappies or refilling my water etc. I even said we should sleep apart last night so there was no chance the baby could wake him & he could go back to work refreshed but he insisted he stay in our room just in case I needed anything. I had a section & DP has been making sure he pull his own weight (more even). That's what paternity leave is for. Have a word with him & hopefully you'll get a decent sleep tonight.

It never ceases to amaze me how truly entitled some men are - you've just had major surgery, but he hands you the baby and off to bed he goes??

You need to nip this in the butt, now. Set the bar for what's expected or it will be too late. Tell him ( don't ask) that you're in the spare room tonight & he's having the baby.

I've seen too many relationships fall a part because of resentment. Nearly all of them because their partners were 'man-children' who did feck all - it was like having a second child.
The bar for motherhood is still set so high, far too much is expected, and we place the greatest expectations on ourselves.

It's pretty bad form isn't it.

I had 5 weeks paternity and shared the nights.
Since being back at work I'm in a separate room between shifts due to them being 12hrs plus I'm in a firearms carrying role so lack of sleep isn't acceptable for obvious reasons.

However on days off I'll be sharing nights again as well as doing one or two on my own.

I'm nothing special, just doing what I naively thought all blokes do.

I had an EmCS and postnatal stay like this one with DC1. The trauma and lack of sleep from it rapidly led me into severe postnatal anxiety which it took me months to recover from. I was BFing so couldn't get an uninterrupted night. I would tell your DH he needs to take on some nights NOW so you can recover and not get worse down the line. A couple of feeds a night won't kill him.

If hes on paternity leave and babe is being bottle fed ,then he is not being reasonable at all is he? Can you explain to him that you are recovering from major surgery (Also explain to Midwife /HV ) .Have you explained about pain from scar/headaches ? may need to check. Also agree with above poster too much is expected of us .You have had major surgery and need to rest !

If you're bottle feeding and he's off, then it's a 50/50 split. It's not only the right thing to do but it will help you recover! When he's back then you get one night off each weekend. It's what everyone I know who's bottle fed has done. YANBU!