To want just one nights sleep?

[ifeeltheneedtheneedforsleep]

I had a baby almost 2 weeks ago - long story short was a traumatic birth that ended up with an emergency section under general anaesthetic, baby in SCBU and we were in hospital for 9 days. During that time, barely slept as the hospital ward was terrible - dh kept things going at home with dc1 and visited several times a day etc
Since we came home, I've pretty much been expected to just get on with it despite having awful headaches and still having some pain from the wound. DH will have cuddles etc with baby and help in terms of making up bottles etc but when it comes to night time, I'm on my own as he buggers off to the spare room where he has yet another good nights sleep. I'm totally wiped - baby is generally really good all day but come night time he will not sleep. I just need a bit of a break and it's soul destroying hearing him snore in the other room while I'm sitting here with a screaming baby absolutely exhausted

This is insane.
May I suggest first and foremost that you not stand there and cook a single meal for him again.
Not until he starts taking care of you and baby.

You've had major surgery, not to mention the trauma involved.
This is sickening.

As others have said,please stand up for yourself.
Please tell him you mentally and physically cannot go on like this. You're not a fucking machine.

And please for your own health, go to bed and leave him with HIS baby.
I'm sorry OP.

I really feel for you. I'm so angry for you.

And I would be saying the same thing,even if he was not on leave.

Yeah, don't give him the choice. Don't 'ask'. Just say 'I'm sore and knackered so I'm going to bed at X time. I'll be up at Y time as I need a proper chunk of sleep.'

I wouldnt even tell him what time I was getting back up at.
I wouldn't get back up.

I would leave him to deal with it all night, like you have been doing.
You need a full night's sleep.

Yes, I added that to make it clear that she was going for the whole night, in case he thought she meant a nap or something and came looking for her after an hour or two. But maybe just 'I'm sore and knackered and need a proper night's sleep so I'm going to bed at 10. You know where all the formula stuff is.' Or something.

You need to tell him if you don’t take night shifts and let me have some sleep I will never look at you the same way again. I still resent how you left me to struggle with Ds1. If you do it again, in 20 years I will be having drinks with my friedns and saying he refused to help with nights when they were babies. Not even while on paternity leave, and they were bottle fed. I’ve looked at him different ever since. I know you’re tired but you need to plan some clear sentences. ‘4pm is pretty minimal parenting, I need you to parent overnight so I can sleep too.’

He can huff and puff all he likes.

Op is just "venting"

Nothing else to see here

You need to communicate.

Tell him how tired you are.

Fwiw, my dh has only ever done one night with our ds. And that night our DS slept through. So annoying.

Wishing you a speedy recovery. Congratulations on your newborn.

So did you get him to look after the baby last night?

Hi all
Yes, he looked after the little one last night, I headed to bed around 11.30 and got up at 7 to help sort my eldest out for school and then I had another couple of hours sleep on the sofa! I feel much better today x

Just thought I'd add, I went about 4 months with extreme sleep deprivation because dc both exclusively bf so OH couldn't do night feeds.
That level of extreme tiredness does just feel like hell, and I imagine after surgery it's even worse. But it does get better, and it will for you too.
Hang on in there, one day baby will let you both sleep!

Was he like this with your eldest?

YANBU! You’re both at home on leave specifically for looking after the baby, and you’ve just had major surgery which can take up to 6 weeks to heal from!! When my DS was just born, me and DH would take shifts throughout the night, with one of us staying awake until 2/3am, and the other then being with the baby from 2/3am until morning! Even now DH is back at work, I will do all night feeds throughout the week and will have a whole night off at the weekends.