To want just one nights sleep?

[ifeeltheneedtheneedforsleep]

I had a baby almost 2 weeks ago - long story short was a traumatic birth that ended up with an emergency section under general anaesthetic, baby in SCBU and we were in hospital for 9 days. During that time, barely slept as the hospital ward was terrible - dh kept things going at home with dc1 and visited several times a day etc
Since we came home, I've pretty much been expected to just get on with it despite having awful headaches and still having some pain from the wound. DH will have cuddles etc with baby and help in terms of making up bottles etc but when it comes to night time, I'm on my own as he buggers off to the spare room where he has yet another good nights sleep. I'm totally wiped - baby is generally really good all day but come night time he will not sleep. I just need a bit of a break and it's soul destroying hearing him snore in the other room while I'm sitting here with a screaming baby absolutely exhausted

Paternity leave is as much about dad helping mum recovers from the birth as anything IMO.
My DH and I did every other night even after he went back to work. He didn’t want the person looking after his tiny baby alone all day to be an exhausted wreck.
Talk to your husband. I’m going to be kind and assume he just doesn’t realise how much you’re suffering, and it’s not that he just doesn’t care.
Congratulations on your new baby

He's an inconsiderate tw**

If he was half way decent he'd already be doing his fair share at night, if not more so you can recover - without you needing to tell him.

As it is, explain he needs to start pulling his weight.

I'm angry on your behalf, I'd really struggle to forgive and forget such thoughtlessness.

Congratulations on your baby btw. I hope things get better for you

FFS has been always been so selfish? You should be doing alternate nights while he of off and he should do weekends and a dream feed when back at work.

YANBU at all. And whilst he's on paternity leave I feel he should be doing more than just giving you 'one night'.

If you're bottle feeding and he's off, then it's a 50/50 split. It's not only the right thing to do but it will help you recover! When he's back then you get one night off each weekend.

I 100% agree with this - and would add to it that until you're 4 weeks PP he may need to help out a bit more / sacrifice a bit of sleep even if he is back at work (if it's safe to do so based on his job of course). Put it this way... if you're run down and recovering from a c-section you'll be at much greater risk of secondary complications and that could make your recovery even longer.

Your husband should be doing night feeds with you and helping with the baby, you're in this together

Bottle feeds and he’s on paternity! What a piss taker! Should be 50/50.

On paternity leave, after a traumatic c section, it shouldn't be 50-50 at night, he should be doing most of them!! If all was equal, then 50-50, but it's not, because you're recovering.

Ans given how you've done the past 14 nights, he should do the nights the remainder of his paternity leave. Yes it'll be tough, but less so than what you've done, so tough luck!

Once back at work, you can share the feeds and take shifts, as you still shouldn't be doing it all.

He should be stepping up, and shouldn't need telling really.

I'm sorry but wtf! Even if he was back at work, you are still healing and he should do something during the night, unless he needs his precious full night sleep as he is a pilot or something . The fact he takes himself to the spare room is outrageous. How often does baby wake? My DH used to do the feed around 1am (I would go to bed early) and then I would get up for the 4am and he could sleep. It's finding something that works, you aren't being unreasonable in the slightest.

As your baby is bottle fed and he's on paternity leave you should be doing a maximum of 50% of the nights. To be honest you're clearly unwell and, given the bottle feeding, there's an argument for him doing 100% of nights until he goes back to work to allow you to physically recover enough to take over when he's back at work.

In no other situation would someone be expected to do night shifts 7 days per week two weeks after major abdominal surgery.

Have you flagged the headaches and wound pain to your midwife or health visitor?

Tell him you need a full nights sleep....don't ask, tell.
Then take yourself off to the spare room. There is absolutely no reason he can't do that for you.

Why are you letting him do this? Just tell him it's your turn for a night in the spare room and then do it

He needs to do several nights in a row right now though, not just starting alternating. Because

1. if 50-50, you've already done your share having done the last 2 weeks.
2. need to properly recover
3. him don't quite a few nights in a row will show him what is like and how important him pulling his weight is. He needs to hit the tiredness wall and realise that's how you felt even without the surgery.

Please stand up for yourself. You've had major surgery and you need to recover. The pain and movement gets easier but the first few weeks are so crucial in your own recovery. Particularly if he's going back to work soon - you need his help now to rest.

Tell him for the rest of the time he is off you can take it in turns, a night each. X

Leave him with the baby tonight and say you’re having every other night in the spare room on your own until he goes back to work, then he can have the baby on a Saturday night every week to give you a nights peace.

Eh? Why are you posting here instead of telling him flat out? Are you afraid of him going off in a strop?

bottle fed and he does nothing????

My husband had to help with the night changes and burping etc and I was breatfeeding. Your husband is an idiot- stop enabling him.

How the hell has this gone two weeks?

Get it sorted tonight. He owes you two weeks (or whatever is left of the paternity). That's the start of negotiations and frankly the end of them for me. You could work down to every second night if you're feeling generous.

One night on and one night off is what we did while dh was on pat leave.
And when he went back every Friday I went in the spare room at 10 and slept til I needed to the next morning.
He did the same on Saturday.

I was going to suggest what @BiblioX has said. Plus if he’s on leave for another wk let’s you have a full night sooner rather than later then he had chance to recover before going back to wk. Bottle feeding should generally make the load easier.

Leave him with the baby tonight and say you’re having every other night in the spare room on your own until he goes back to work

Simple as this. Don't let it get as far as you having a breakdown and getting ill.

Can't believe how selfish some people are with their partners they're supposed to love!

Did he do night feeds with the first baby?

Tell him it's his turn tonight - you'll sleep in the spare room.

What a knob.

^ Sorry I thought that said EVERY night.

Should be every night - which is what you'll probably be doing when he goes back to work right?

Get him told OP.

Baby is bottle fed and you are recovering from surgery, I would expect him to cover most nights at least this week.