To ask if you feel worn down with life?

[janemaster]

I do. It just feels like there have been too many things happen over the last 6-years. Many bereavements, one in traumatic circumstances, illness, urgent hospital admission for partner, redundancy, unemployment, job with a very bullying boss, lots of travelling every weekend to visit dying parent for months and months.
Things have now kind of settled down a bit. But I just feel totally worn down.
Anyone else feel worn down? Do you know what I mean?

Not unreasonable at all, I get where you’re coming from 100%. I can’t suggest anything short of just saying “fuck it”, spitting on the ground, and soldiering on; I don’t know you at all but people are generally a lot tougher that they give themselves credit for.

Maybe now the adrenaline has worn off you are feeling it all. Perhaps your bodies way of saying take it easy. Also, worth getting all the vitamin checks done. I know everyone says it but I think stress depleted me so much I couldn't really recover - vit d levels were very low

Me! I've had a LOT on at work... so stressed!

Back today and feel so anxious!

DH is off today so after work I'm going to go for a swim and then chill this evening I think!

Yep specially when I work in retail we are always understaffed but still have to do all the jobs which are designed for 4 ppl and only 2 of us and then come home to care for my disabled dd I'm drained out

Yes - I have chronic illness from prolonged stress thanks to all the stuff that gets thrown at me. I really hope we are due a change and this isn't my life as it will always be.

Agree with bigd - low vitamin d is always an issue when I'm particularly run down. Unfortunately, it won't stop shit happening but it will bolster your resilience to it a bit.

Yes ... I'm at breaking point and I can see how you would be too. I've no advice, just solidarity.

Yes. Lone parent, mid 40's. It's been getting worse over the last decade. I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Sorry to hear you are all struggling.
I just got to the stage of - what next?
And because there was so much to cope with, that caused other shit things to happen. It does create a downward spiral.
So I have a chronic illness that is usually managed. After spending every weekend doing a 9 hour round trip to my dying father for 6-months, and dealing with the fact a close friend killed herself, my illness really flared up. I ended up with time off ill and then in hospital to stabilise it again. I am pretty sure this led to me being selected for redundancy. Which led to unemployment and the whole family having to manage on less money.

We were never at risk of this but I can see how people spiral down into homelessness. I have had 3 people close to me die, and 3 other extended family members I was not close to. I did not expect in my late 40's to be going to a funeral a year. I now have a "funeral outfit".

I had similar circumstances to you @janemaster, 7 months of supporting a dying parent who lived 2+ hours away and another parent with serious illness. I was also supporting a friend who was having serious mental problems. I found her after a suicide attempt and eand an ambulance just weeks before I lost my dad.

I was youngish and fit at the time but was a very very run done when things had settled. I had chronic migraines, diarrhoea and vomiting. I picked up everything going. Like pps have said, my body was in crisis mode, running on adrenaline until things calmed down. I ended up going for counselling which was a brilliant decision.

When multiple things happen with no time to recover you don't get the chance to process them. Taking the time for counselling helped me process what had happened, move forward and actually push myself forward in ways that were life changing ( for the better!)
Good luck and look after yourself!

@quietcrotchgoblin That sounds hard and yes understandable that you were so run down.

I feel like we have entered “Sniper’s Alley”. Dealing with our own health issues as well as those of family, supporting friends in dealing with frail elderly parents, bereavement, problems with their teenage kids, also lost some dear friends to illness. It seems there is no respite.

Oh god snipers alley is a perfect term for this. You do literally feel there is no time to properly rest until the next thing comes along.

"Snipers alley" hits the nail on the head 👍.

I feel like I've lost my optimism and energy for life. I had a lonely and difficult pregnancy, a traumatic birth that's left me with ongoing problems, I was made redundant while on mat leave and I have a parent with dementia. I keep trying to plough through but my days aren't enjoyable and it's a case of surviving them

@Quietcrotchgoblins

Could you a bit more? Without being too specific? What did you do that helped?

Another here to say yes and you are not alone x

My FB newsfeed (which I keep at arms length) is full of motivational hippy dippy posts about how the universe is just waiting to reward me for getting through all the bad times - which have been consistently ongoing for around 6 years - but of course this is only if I have the right attitude and vibration - ha, if my upper lip was any stiffer you could use it to do frigging geometry..... and if I vibrate any harder I might just disintegrate at a molecular level.

The worst thing is that all the hypervigilance means that when I do get a tiny opportunity for "fun" I'm unable to be in the moment because there's a strong chance that if I let loose for a second the phone will ring with an issue that for various practical reasons will be my responsibility.

All the advice about time out and doing something nice and positive for oneself, or picking up a hobby, or going for a walk, taking up yoga and journaling etc is great - except reactive depression means you lose enjoyment of these things and the physical toll of stress means any snatched respite means catching up on sleep - which is broken due to insomnia at the best of times - I am trying, like so many of you, to take personal responsibility and be the best person I can etc etc but Lord above, sometimes the desire to turn into a screaming raging banshee is massive.

So to all of you keeping on keeping on, I salute you and hope things improve soon.

I hate those hippy dippy posts.

@bigblue20

What did I do to make things better? Well the counselling didn't just look at my current situation but also my background. I identified I struggle with boundaries so ended up taking on lots of responsibility and put others before myself. If given everything of myself and more to others.

So I started putting in firmer boundaries and allowed myself to go travelling - something I wouldn't have done previously as it felt selfish to do that. The freedom to do that and be selfish to take some risks in my career paid off and I was able to land a better job which in turn was the right job to be able to work part time ready for a family.

In fact I could do with reminding myself again on my boundaries, it's easy to slip back into old ways....

You've had a lot on your plate OP. I have dealt with a lot lately too, and it does wear you down. I have found that getting a good multivitamin and drinking water and some sleeps or naps really help. I think when adrenaline wears off is when it all kicks in.

Somewhere I read that your 40s often consist of "Trap Doors" we can fall into .illness ,redundancy ,elderly parents and so on .We can feel very worn down with it all . Can you take time out?maybe a rest for a few weeks from work Otherwise try to rest as much as possible and eat well .I lost my DM when I was in my 40s on top of several relatives earlier as well ,and know what you mean about attending funerals .We had about 5 in a row and when DM died were at a different Church ,or I think I wouldnt have been able to cope (hardly did anyway)!Also got Sepsis and felt ill for a long while after .Life is very hard at times and sometimes all comes at once ! The weather is also not helping and I get quite down when it rains so much!Try to build in little treats if you can ,maybe a fave box of chocs (mine are rose /violet creams ,whatever you like ) some good coffee ,a mag /book . Trips out (just a run to NT or similar) look in their little shop for some nice smellies ,Just lifts me a bit M and S have some pretty beads (my thing)! scarves and so on .

Thanks, @QuietCrotchgoblins

Boundaries is always a big one. I have let people trample over them and now feel like they are constantly pulling on me and I can’t pull back enough to do the things that I need to do that create balance.

It’s as though I’m being hi jacked from inside.

Poor health doesn’t help. I think it’s the feeling of being worn/ground down.

What I mean is I can’t center myself and there must be a reason why. I keep letting go of things and perhaps think I have let go of too much?