To ask if you feel worn down with life?

[janemaster]

I do. It just feels like there have been too many things happen over the last 6-years. Many bereavements, one in traumatic circumstances, illness, urgent hospital admission for partner, redundancy, unemployment, job with a very bullying boss, lots of travelling every weekend to visit dying parent for months and months.
Things have now kind of settled down a bit. But I just feel totally worn down.
Anyone else feel worn down? Do you know what I mean?

You are all right. Sometimes in life it is literally one disaster after another, with very little respite in between. I am so lucky in that I have amazing friends who have been there for me just to talk, advise and help things make sense again.
dottiedodah is so right sometimes we have to take time for us and be kind to ourselves too.

I wonder OP if you are prioritising yourself in a practical way. I find if I am stressed I carry that with me so even on a walk or nice coffee shop I still feel it just temporarily removed from the edge of it.

I think practical plans do make a difference (need to take own advice) and acknowledging the small things in between that set you off in the wrong direction.

@Bigblue20

It's never too late. The counselling sort of gave me permission to put in those boundaries. I'd gone there feeling numb, like I was unable to process grief. The counsellor pointed out if not given myself time to grieve as I was still busy helping out others. Obvious in hindsight. Not easy to see in the thick of it. Interestingly, when i put in the boundaries, some people were not happy with that at all. One cut me out of their life. Ironically it was the person were the relationship was most one sided and it was a relief when it ended. The important relationships understood and respected my decision

I'm so sorry to everyone else who has had an especially rough year, two or more.

Snipers Alley is so apt that I could cry to be honest.

Had a huge car crash two years ago and went from being a successful business owner and powerhouse to now being considered for brain surgery and becoming a bionic woman full of metal.

It wasn't even easy before this, it's a running joke in our family / friends group how unlucky I am. Every year it's "this'll be your year." Wish my turn would come.

I feel lost and I'm grieving for the life I was meant to have and had worked so hard for.

Surgery tomorrow and I feel scared about the operation but simultaneously scared that I also feel disconnected and apathetic to it. If something went wrong, would I really be missed? Would people be relieved I was at peace from all the shit going on?

It's dark now. I used to be so sunny.

I saw a programme about an elderly man who was caring for his sick wife. The occupational help gave him some breathing techniques to help him cope so that whenever he felt the stress come on, he would stop and breathe properly then deal with it. He basically was giving himself time and permission to prepare before he dealt with his wife. I don’t think we recognise all the little things that irritate us during the day and then things build up. Guess the answer is to not let them build up during the day but easier said than done.

And when I am chilled, I seem to get the wrath of the stressed upon me.

Yes. Am worn down with life and myself.

@JustForTheTasteOfIt

Could it be the dark before the storm?

I’m sorry to hear of your accident. Is it possible that your body is so busy repairing your physical self that it can’t do the mental work at the moment when you are comparing where you are now to where you were in the past?

I mean, that if you are telling your brain and emotions that you should be back where you were it is too much and your mind is telling you this by not responding. Instead it needs something lighter and smaller in the here and now?

Just an idea but I think in your circumstances it’s small steps (which is really hard when you are trying to retain a sense of the overall picture of where you want to be)

This is what I came to realise after a year on bed rest due to an injury.

I also think there is a push in society, a drive, an undercurrent that is at sorts with the mechanisms that are meant to respond to that drive and we can all sense that something is off. It’s that background sense of a society uneasy in everything coupled with a mentality that things are fixed, definite and unchangeable. Our society has fractured massively and I think we sense that and it makes people more aggressive and anxious and needy. We all then have to respond to others anxieties rather than the underlying causes which we should be fixing.

I hear you OP, I feel the same. The only thing that gives me any reason to look after myself and step foot out of bed is my baby. I am getting help and support though as I don't want her to grow up thinking/knowing that my happiness and willing to carry on is dependent on here; that is a burden that she doesn't deserve. I am starting a new job soon having left my other before maternity leave as it wouldn't have been feasible to carry on in it which I am hoping will help. It won't eradicate the last few years, but hopefully the routine, and returning to something I am familiar with will give another element to the days.

Thank you all for paring your personal challenges. It so difficult not feel ‘it’s only me’. I have a sense of solidarity. I’m sorry for the challenges; loss of a life once lived; insecurity. 💐

Yes, very much so. I'm hoping to gradually recharge a little

Chronic depression. Single mum - two boys with health problems who never stop fighting and and screaming and demanding. I've nearly set the house on fire twice this week. No one will employ me. UC are on at me all the time. Ex (boys dad) just got a promotion and is has started up a new band and is living a great new life. Won't help me out at all. I can't think anymore. No friends. Grandad just died and have his funeral next week. Nothing to look forward to. I honestly think this is it for me. I'm done.

I’m not suicidal but more often than not I see death as a bit of a reprieve.

I honestly don’t have suicidal thoughts but sometimes I just can’t wait for this all to be over!

Is that the same thing you mean? I don’t know!

I completely hear you OP... for us it's been the last 5 years so far - and every New Year we think... clean slate, this one will be better and so far they've just been worse. I've always considered myself to be an optimistic person but it's hard to sustain that for such long periods.

Last year I lost 3 friends (two to suicide like you, one to cancer), my partner had a nasty accident and was in hospital and needed a lot of help once out and time off work and both my elderly parents had spells in hospital after being rushed in.
This year I have been ill since Christmas and undergoing lots of tests, my elderly parents are getting more and more frail and dementia is progressing. Then a friend was in a horrific car smash a few weeks ago and will be months in hospital - it was very touch and go... I just wake up expecting disaster to be waiting for me these days. Sniper's alley is very apt!

I don't know what the answer is, but my partner and I were only discussing it all in bed last night. I said I think we have to lower our expectations at the moment of what life 'should' be, try and and accept it won't change overnight and take pleasure in the very small things - the snatched moments of joy - whether that's seeing friends, having a coffee in the sunshine, laughing at something together etc. I'm not sure what else we can do - though councelling is always a good idea. I saw a grief councellor for a while last year but didn't find her very good I'm afraid.

I do. Feels like whatever we do with our budget , extra hours, etc. it's never quite enough to meet our needs. It feels like £100 today is like £30 5 years ago.

Good luck tomorrow JustForTheTasteOfIt.

I've been feeling things are a bit difficult with caring for my parents, one medical emergency after another, then my DF dying, a depressed teen, and trying to keep my business going. I've given up my hobbies as too difficult to do as well, and feel there's nothing left of me. I'm a LP so facing things on my own.

However, I can see that other people are having a bad / worse time, and so I don't feel quite so sorry for myself!

I posted this on another thread, but at late 40s, early 50s we are at the bottom of a happiness curve, it is supposed to get better.

I'm worm out to and also hate hippy dippy nonsense! Running a business for 10 yrs with hubby, only went into it to support him. I've hated every second of it and wish I could go back and find ab alternative. His health went down hill, mil health went down hill, whilst this was going on a staff member stepped up to help out by taking over part of the business then dropped us in the shit. Another narrowly missed being fired after taking their side and creating shit. Now things have settled around but I'm now just really pissed with it all and just want out. Hubby now older with health conditions still reluctant to let go as what would he do next? Who would have him and I'm now loosing my patience AND BREATH......
Sometimes these posts are good for just getting it out....

Yes...most days.

I’m not so much worn down - but the constant having my nose rubbed in - with regards to others that basically do fuck all and float through life - makes me feel miserable and very very bitter.
Fact is I truly hate idle people, especially if I’m funding the fuckers by paying tax. I know so many that are now in mid 30’s and have basically never had a job, but by scrounging benefits and tellin everyone “woe is me” they continue to float through life.
I truly truly hate those people.
Hate Hate Hate

Yes. In the past 5 and a half years I’ve had:

• DS1 born
• Bullied out a job after maternity leave
• changed jobs
• lost a close relative
• miscarriage
• my DF was critically ill in intensive care on life support and we were told to fear the worst. Awful time but he pulled through
• close relative died
• another close relative died 🤦🏻‍♀️
• DS 2 born
• returned full time to work with two young kids.

I’m worn out but scared to moan.

Actually, after reading these posts, I don't have it bad at all.

I remember my mum when I was younger saying to cherish the boring times, as it means nothing bad is happening. I now know what she means.
I deliberately took a part-time much easier job. We have less money, but work actually helps now, rather than being another source of stress.

I do do small things for myself that are nice. But I think I am simply grieving everything that has happened. My ability to cope with new sources of stress is very small. Even small things I do over react to.
It does kind of make me feel better that at my age I am at the bottom of the happiness curve. Lets hope it does get better.

Yes.

Stillbirth
IVF
Miscarriage
Very serious money problems
Marriage problems
Mundanity and relentlessness of life with 2 under 2

Sometimes it looks like there's no light at the end of the tunnel.

Feel for your OP

@Straycatstrut If that is honestly how you feel, please go to your GP and tell them. After losing a close friend to suicide I can tell you that it is much worse than a normal bereavement. Please don't do that to your children. They need you.
I do know it is tough and I know that feeling of it all just being too much. Sometimes though all you can do is try and get through each day.

I do, and i havent had a break or holiday for over 10 years.. just same old same old, day in day out..
Everyone keeps loading their stresses and moans onto me at home at work, yet i have no-one to talk to myself.
Cant even relax in my own home as its falling to bits, and i cant earn enough for repairs, its like im camping in my own house, despite juggling 5 part time jobs.