To want to know what’s the meanest patient you’ve ever had? A question for nurses and anyone else working in the healthcare industry!

[Bellad19]

I’ve only worked in healthcare for 5 years, but NEVER in my five years have I had a patient be horrible to me until today. I am baffled as to how somebody could be so RUDE to someone who is trying to look after them!!
Please cheer me up and share your stories of awful patients with me so I know that I’m not alone 😭 I’m a sensitive person anyway but for some reason today really got to me and I’ve just cried ever since I got home! I’ll blame the pregnancy hormones!!

Work in midwifery. My colleagues were called a "bunch of dumb cunts" by a woman's family, their reason being that we couldn't accommodate their daughter being transferred to labour ward to have her waters broken. This lady was not in labour or in any pain she was just waiting for a room on labour ward. It had been explained to the family that labour ward was full of labouring women so there was no room or midwife available.
Another relative asked me "How the hell am I meant to sleep in this?" It was a reclining chair provided by the ward for partners to stay overnight. She was staying in with her daughter, aged 25, which was her choice. A blanket and pillow was provided but still there is no pleasing some people.
We genuinely bend over backwards to help people and sometimes it just gets chucked back in your face. I'm still here though 36 yrs later because the good outweighs the bad and sometimes I do love my job.

Being scared or in pain doesn't mean that people lose the ability of treating people with respect.

I, and I'm sure, virtually every HCP who has been in A and E has experienced some shouting, "Fucking hell" immediately followed by, "Sorry love, didn't mean to swear" because someone is in pain.

A woman who was in a bed opposite me when I was in hospital one time, called the cleaning lady a ' bone idle bitch ' because she wouldn't make her a cup of tea.
Sadly, I was feeling too ill at the time to stomp over and wrap her water jug round her head.
To the best of my memory, I've only once been rude to a HCP. In my defence, I was at the height of labour and the doctor came in with a cheery ' good morning '
I shrieked ' what's so bloody good about it!! '
I did apologise though.

Well, I'd like to thank the young nurse who held my hand through a massive hysteroscopic procedure yesterday, along with the whole lovely team!
When I came back from a gas and air escape to the far side, both her hands were wrapped around mine.

You can bet I left them knowing how highly I rate them all.

@pineapple2 as the mother or a mentally unwell young person (now recovered) I threatened to sue the trust if my dd took another overdose or came to any harm and told the nurse I would hold her personally responsible. Because said trust had declined her services six months previously and this second time the community psych nurse told us she would start therapy in a matter of weeks at the crisis appointment and when the provider said three months outright denied it. It's a long story but because this Trust provided zilch dd was engaging with private care and similar therapy was offered immediately by her private psych starting in a few days but I said miraculously CAMHS had come through with care on this occasion - when three weeks later it transpired the nurse had lied the private therapist was then booked and going on holiday for a month. She even wrote a hideously inaccurate report.

We only engaged again because dd went to A&E and had reported us to SS in accordance with their protocols.

However, if an HCP provides inaccurate advice, MH or otherwise, and if a detriment arose as a result then yes, that HCP and their Trust is responsible.

That's the other side of the coin. I hope it wasn't you but hope you can see it from the parent's point of view.

I threatened to sue the trust if my dd took another overdose or came to any harm and told the nurse I would hold her personally responsible

That’s an awful thing to say to a psychiatric nurse 😢 Of course no nurse would be held ‘personally responsible’ if a patient decides to overdose or harm themselves. I’m sorry your DD was unwell but unless she lacked capacity to make decisions (and was sectioned under the mental health act) it was not her nurse’s responsibility to monitor her around the clock or find a way to jump the queue for therapy.

I work in psychiatry. I’ve been spat at, had coffee thrown on me, verbally abused, had a patient hit me with her walking sticks!

OP you learn to be immune to nasty comments. Every now and then one comment gets under my skin but you have to learn to shrug it off.

OhTheRoses

I great deal of the problem is lack of money (which isn't to say poor treatment doesn't exist) it should be government our anger is directed towards. Government has been very, very successful shifting the blame towards patients/staff/mismanagement/immigrants etc. Please don't lose sight of who is really to blame for overstretched services.

@OhTheRoses you literally cannot stop yourself NHS bashing can you...its like an obsession!

@Spaceprincess Wow. Just wow.

Only have 2 stick out in my mind - both as first year junior doctor

One was a man who was acutely withdrawing from alcohol who called me a "twiggy c*nt" all while swinging his leather belt around he had wrapped round his hand.

Another wasn't exactly mean but a man in his 60s who needed a catheter which was a little difficult to insert. He spent the whole time talking , at great length, about all the venereal diseased he's caught while in the merchant navy. As a 23 year old that made me feel pretty uncomfortable.

Since specialising in anaesthesia I've have very very few mean patients - might be the fact they realise I'm about to render them unconscious that focussed the kind 😂😂. Only thing I ever notice now is there's the odd, usually very young, woman in maternity services that despite you wishing them the very best after their section or doing an epidural which is working well etc doesn't even look at you to say goodbye, never mind thank you as you leave them.

and told the nurse I would hold her personally responsible

The number of times I had this said to me by patients and family. They always forget several things: it is the person who dies by suicide who makes that choice, no-one else. So I know I have never felt responsible if a patient has died. Sad, yes. Frustrated that services weren't there that they would have benefited from, yes. Personally responsible, nope.

The family can blame who they want, but they will find its down to the coroner to apportion blame. Or the police. They may have concerns about the Trust, but seldom the nurse.

You also presume @OhTheRoses, that you saying that would have made an impression on the nurse. And that she would take it seriously that you held her responsible. When actually, what does that look like in the real world? For starters, it's a very manipulative thing to say, and MH nurses are pretty immune to that after years of patients threatening to kill themselves if we don't do X, Y and Z. I also used to make it clear to the patients and their families, that I always knew I had done all I could within the resources available, so it would never haunt me or stop me sleeping.

So what makes you think that YOU holding her responsible would have made one single iota of difference?

@ LikeTheFruit I’ve met some fabulous anaesthetists. It never ceases to amaze me how they can seem to e.g. insert needles where others tend to fail. .

Or the one who, after I’d had surgery last year came to see me and said “you had a bit of a reaction to something while you were under, so I gave you a bit of antihistamine.” Calm as you like. She might as well have been saying “here I’ve put milk in your tea for you.” .

Although I could write a book on the lovely HCP’s I’ve encountered on my journey. Like the nurse who was with me when I went into ICU and stayed talking to me about all manner of inane rubbish even though he had to refuse me sedation, and when I asked if I was going to die he said “well, obviously we always hope to make people better.” {smile}

Or the cardiologist who gave me CPR when I went into cardiac arrest in the summer. He did awake compressions when my heart rate dropped to five beats a minute to try to prevent an arrest, a deeply terrifying experience and I still arrested - three times. I saw him again a couple of weeks later and thanked him for all he’d done and he said “well, it’s my job.” And I couldn’t help thinking that sometimes his job means that sometimes, there won’t be a desired result. And still he just felt it was his job to save my life that day.

@SirChing Totally agree with your post. The narcissism of someone actually saying this is breathtaking. Talk about an inability to model emotional regulation and appropriate communication with the distressed loved one

• Visiting a elderly mans home, I knocked on the door and was finally allowed in. Once inside, he almost hit me with his walking stick because I hadn't used the letter box slot to tap on the door and how dare I knock on the wood of the door . He claimed it was common knowledge to bend over and use the mailbox to knock the door- I asked why he didn't have a sign then? I felt unsafe so got out before he really did hit me!

• In a busy A&E department, where there were just curtains separating beds. Someone collapsed in bed & we had to do the resus there, rather than moving to the resus room. We worked on this man for over 30mins but sadly he died. Straight after I spoke to the family and person in the very next bed, who would have heard everything going on and said I'm sorry about what happened next door etc. The first thing said was 'when the f@#k will I be seen then? I haven't even been given a cup of tea!!!'

• Very often I was told that THEY are paying my wage!

Some patients are honestly just absolutely jokers

and told the nurse I would hold her personally responsible

What an absolutely awful, ignorant, erroneous thing to say. The only person responsible for a suicide is the person who does it on him/herself.

I was about to go home after a 12 shift when an elderly lady fell and needed escorting across to A and E. Day and night staff were tied up in the handover so I volunteered to go with the lady. For some inexplicable reason, she told the triage nurse, radiographer and doctor that I had pushed her over?!

I haven't even been given a cup of tea!!!'

Why do people expect to be treated like they're in a fucking cafe whilst in hospital? I haven't seen any other nationality do this besides the British, expect to be served tea whilst they are patients ill enough to be in hospital. It's not a fucking hotel or restaurant!

With the exception of perhaps 3 occasions in my lifetime (I'm 47), my experiences of hospital doctors and nurses, anaesthetists and paramedics, and carers, has been nothing short of perfect. I salute you all, you are heroes and so lovely with my mother who has dementia and can be problematic. I am a big wimp and all HCPs have consistently been kind, considerate and reassuring. In fact I have a bit of a crush on my last anaesthetist who promised not to make me feel sick, and he didn't.

I'm so sorry that any of you have to get hurt, or upset, or have to deal with vile arseholes, and I hope the nice and decent people outnumber the wankers and oxygen thieves.

I'm awfully sorry to those accusing me of ignorance or narcissm but if an hcp tells me in a meeting that therapy will be provided by x date, if I find out three weeks later that information was incorrect and I am told by the director of the trust that the nurse who said it couldn't have known the timeframes then yes I would hold the nurse and/or trust responsible for harm. In the event that misinformation created a 7 week delay to therapy which could have been avoided. On what level is that not wrong.

My dd recovered because I fought every corner to get her better and paid for psychiatric support for her. The psychiatrist diagnosed a neuro developmental disability that paved the way to recovery. Response of aforementioned nurse when advised - she laughed and said dd was too old to be diagnosed with ADHD!

Please forgive me if I appear to have rather less time for the NHS than you would like. I think it's entirely justified.

People in hospital are the same people we see every day outside of hospital, but for some unknown reason they seem to think it's perfectly OK to use fear/ stress/ pain as an excuse to behave in an entirely offensive way !

Would it be OK if someone was worried about a job interview, and so shouted, swore and punched the interviewer ?? All due to worry/ stress you understand..........

Or if a parent battered and swore at their child just because the parent was in pain and tired ???

Or perhaps when someone had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, is it OK to then attack the bus driver verbally and physically because the are scared ??

I understand that if someone does not have capacity, then they cannot be held accountable for their actions/ behaviour.

However, most NHS patients DO have capacity, and they also seem to have a bloody giant sense of entitlement and do not expect to be held to account for their abusive behaviour and actions !

It's absolutely true that it is only when the DOCTORS are at the receiving end that any action is taken by the NHS to protect staff !
( after all, the doctors often don't consider the feelings of nurses and other HCP's, as can be clearly evidenced by the way they talk down to them :( )

@FoamingAtTheUterus that’s terrible. I’ve only been in an ambulance once and I got the same kind of treatment. I was made to feel like a massive time waster - the paramedic who was sat in the back with me, literally didn’t say one word to me in the whole journey to hospital even though I was in tears with the pain. Turns out I was quite poorly and ended up being in hospital for several days.

@OhTheRoses What has all of that got to do with the expressed topic of the thread?

Ah the all importance of tea... During crash calls, I have had a number of patients literally pop their head round the curtains complaining that they haven’t had a cup of tea. They seem genuinely shocked that it isn’t a priority given we are trying to stop someone dying.

Generally though, I think nurses bear the brunt of this kind of thing, particularly horribly sexist/misogynistic remarks. I’m always amazed by the comments they have to put up with and when I go in to challenge them, they act like butter wouldn’t melt and wouldn’t dream of saying something as nasty as that.