To want to know what’s the meanest patient you’ve ever had? A question for nurses and anyone else working in the healthcare industry!

[Bellad19]

I’ve only worked in healthcare for 5 years, but NEVER in my five years have I had a patient be horrible to me until today. I am baffled as to how somebody could be so RUDE to someone who is trying to look after them!!
Please cheer me up and share your stories of awful patients with me so I know that I’m not alone 😭 I’m a sensitive person anyway but for some reason today really got to me and I’ve just cried ever since I got home! I’ll blame the pregnancy hormones!!

I'm a mental health nurse too, verbal abuse comes with the job, as does the odd assault. What I have found difficult is that when a patient does have capacity and is violent the police will not act, even when the patient's consultant records they had capacity. The police are overwhelmed with work and look for reasons to drop cases. So if anyone is in hospital they can assault staff with impunity. Someone strangled me once, she had capacity but the police dropped it. She laughed about it months later.

So angry about this and experienced this myself working in a psych unit. A lot of the programmes are so negative about staff and services too, which is completely unfair. The flip side is staff are also being failed in being safe in their job. I was made to feel like how other HCPs describe on here - worthless and that I should just accept whatever abuse was thrown at me, so I left. Was the best thing I've done.

The police need to take these cases seriously. Ignoring this behaviour when someone clearly has capacity perpetuates the problem and they also end up on the receiving end of it too. It just makes wards horrible places to be, so people who are really struggling don't seek help as they are scared of being admitted.

So many narcissists justifying their rudeness to HCPs

I know, how else can utter losers make themselves feel superior.

I was pressured into a hospital birth, due to our house not actually being built and my mum not wanting me to labour in her house. Toffee who pressured you? Where else could you have had a home birth? Surely it was circumstances then?

Verbal abuse from the father of a premature baby, when I politely asked him to wash his hands on entering the room. He had me backed into the wall furthest from the door, shouting about how he was clean and what was I trying to say? Yes it's terrifying having a sick child, but the other parents generally aren't aggressive when you say 'morning, could you wash your hands at the sink and use the gel please? Thanks :)' .

Lots of fathers of well babies on the postnatal ward just want someone to shout at, and as a senior person I'm usually the one to go and take the abuse and try and calm the situation. I remember one had a ~12yo sibling sat on the bed who called me a little b!tch after her dad had slagged off everyone he had met before me, because the baby was jaundiced and they had to stay another few nights for treatment. I explained risks to the child etc and he just shouted into my face for 20 minutes, while the mum and siblings watched.

Thankfully very little physical violence, as security generally attend when we are separating mothers from children for social reasons.

wyn completely get that. The nicer pharmacist always says 'hello (first name)'. Then he confirms my address and date of birth. Completely understand the need to check info each time - however when you're saying hello to someone, forgetting their name isn't nice! And also it's every day for months that I've been going there. I also wear a lanyard with my name on in size 24 writing. I don't thibk it's assuming if you know someone - I manage to remember their names. The nicer pharmacist remembers mine so it can be done. It's not even said in a 'x x eighg' it's 'name.' or simply calling me my surname - eg 'bye Jones'.

It isn't just the name thing although that it my biggest bugbear. It's the finishing off conversations before serving someone, it's the rudeness, of some people. My supermarket pharmacy were so different. I imagine it being busy has something to do with it - but again I don't feel that's an excuse as I'm permanently busy in work and a mistake can lead to someone going back to prison.

That doesn't mean I condone aggressive behaviour. I do understand the frustration and how that frustration can lead chaotic people with poor emotional recognition and control and nothing to lose, to behaving aggressively. I don't agree when someone bashes the service hatch and swears at the rude pharmacist. I do see where he's coming from.

I've observed plenty of patients behaving aggressively towards hcp and I think it's disgusting, if the person has full capacity. Obviously as in any walk of life some hcp are rude etc and should expect that in return. But none of the examples given on here sound in any way justified and I'm sorry people have had to experience them

I'm sorry to say I was one of those patients. I had broken my wrist, holding it against my chest. When the dr came along and asked me to give her my hand and reached for it, I growled at her like a dog. It was something instinctual and so unlike me. I'm really embarrassed and sorry that I did that.

I work in operating theatres and a prisoner came in with his two guards ready to be anaesthetised. When I said hello and checked his details, he proceeded to tell me how he was going to rape me until I died in a lot more explicit detail.. the officers said nothing. I stood there speechless, luckily the anaesthetist turned around and asked them all to leave and that the patient wouldn’t be having their procedure after abuse like that. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that shift..

I’ve had a few verbal & physical incidents but they are mostly when patients don’t have capacity. Which I forgive instantly. However that one will stay with me forever.

When I was in hospital there was an Italian woman in my ward who screamed constantly and if she wasn't screaming she was banging things on her side table to make an awful racket. A nurse came in to tend to her and the woman said' when I get out of here I am going to take you to Italy. I shall take you out in my boat and then throw you overboard to drown

I couldn't praise the nurses highly enough, they do an amazing job but I have met two, one in hospital and one of the nurses in my local surgery who are rude, surly, unhelpful, rough, and I don't understand why they chose that job since they obviously hate people.

Madein I wouldn't call consistently forgetting someone's name a lack of care. I think that's a bit dramatic. I realise it's not ideal, but it doesn't sound like something someone does deliberately. Even assuming I accepted your premise that it is rude, it doesn't justify abuse towards an individual.

ludo I don't think any HCP would hold a reaction like that against you! Don't worry about it. Your situation is nothing like the deliberate verbal and physical abuse described in other posts.

Nurse here, used to work on a stroke unit. Nice man came in, had had a hard life, all the usual risk factors for stroke.

We used to chat about my plans for my wedding etc. He did fine, went home - readmitted four years later with a massive stroke. "Hi Jimmy, nice to see you again, shame it's in here" "Fuck me, Nurse Viv, didn't think you'd be like all the other women, let yourself go as soon as you got a ring on your finger"
I was 5 months pregnant. And, he'd HAD ANOTHER FUCKING STROKE, but, thought he was living a better life than me?

I was that dreadful patient once and I was appalled at myself but in my defence I hadn't slept for 48 hours due to a constantly beeping heart monitor, constant checks etc and it being my first time in hospital and feeling absolutely scared stiff that my cancer had spread. I had just nodded off when the sister came to tell me I was being moved! I sobbed, I couldn't find my cotton beanie to hide my bald head and although I didn't swear I must have sounded like a wailing banshee, I couldn't apologise enough but at that point I was exhausted and completely broken.

My named nurse was lovely, calmed me down and said she had begged them to leave me until the morning as I had only been asleep for 10 minutes.

stompy it's more because its every single time I go there. To me, it's just a basic sign or not really being bothered. It's one thing I'm very hot on remembering with my own service users which is possibly why it rankles.

Completely agree that it doesn't justify abuse and I never drop my polite manner no matter how the pharmacist is to me. However I understand how it frustrates people. Many people going there for their script are chaotic, reactive, and many have poor emotional control. Them kicking off isn't right - but I completely understand where it comes from. I take the view that if you're aggressive all it'll do is get you a ban, so it's not worth the bother. Although I admit I was very assertive when they tried not giving me my script by mistake! I explained politely - and then told them that I could not wait until Friday as that would mean 2 days with nothing and that wasn't possible. I was possibly a bit snippy when I said it, due to panic, but in the same breath I apologised for the inconvenience and thanked the pharmacist, even though she didn't even respond to my hello.

I understand people are busy but I don't think a lack of customer service is OK.

I'm an HCA on a surgical ward & have worked as an HCA for 8 years on 3 different wards.
When patients have dementia or acute confusion I don't have a problem with their behaviour- they can't help being aggressive if that's how they are.

But the incidents that stick in my mind are with patients who know what they're doing!

There was the youngish male patient who called me over & told me I was ugly. Nice.

There was the 25 yr old male patient who came onto me in a sideroom minutes before his girlfriend walked through the door. This was my first shift & I was pretty shocked.

There was a 40 year old male body builder patient who was inappropriate towards me in his sideroom but saw I was terrified & suddenly apologised.

There was the older male patient who called me stupid and reported me for getting the wrong temperature milk on his cornflakes!!

And there was the male patient on another ward where I was helping out who put his fist in my face when I explained to him how I was going to mobilise him safely & explained nicely that we would not be lifting him.
I was upset and said someone else could look after him, the clinical leader laughed at me & said he was 'harmless'.

This was a man who was in hospital purely because none of the community care agencies would go near him as he was so nasty.

There was the bay of 6 White British male patients who racially abused an Iraqi HCA & denied it to me when I told them off even though I had heard it all. The clinical leader there did not back me up either.

Other staff can be difficult too.
Recently there was a male bank HCA who I introduced myself to politely, he barked his name at me, ignored me the rest of the shift except to throw dirty cutlery over my shoulder into the sink & blatantly bitch about me to another bank HCA.
I was getting really upset but the nurses told me he'd done it to them too. He won't be booked again. He was fine with the patients but totally weird with ward staff.

There was the surgical registrar who was fed up with a man faking seizures. He turned round out said that 'epileptics have nothing behind the eyes'. I have epilepsy but was too shocked & mortified to say anything.

And there's the anaesthetist who sexually harassed me including touching me inappropriately when I was much younger. I didn't report him.
Well, he's started work on our unit & thinks he can do it again. He's in for a nasty shock as I'm not the quiet little mouse I used to be.

Have you noticed that all those I've had problems with have been men??

Please be very careful about what you write here. As nurses we all need to vent but a public forum like this might not be the best place. There's enough detail for patients to recognise themselves and enough vagueness for completely not related random folk to think they might be the problem patient being discussed.

I have been that nurse catching the malicious flying jobbie on the back of my head and other such horrors but I've also been the difficult patient, even when I've been trying really hard to be understanding and zen.

Isn’t it bizzare how nhs staff are expected to just deal with this type of behaviour yet if you went in to ASDA, slapped staff and because you weren’t feeling well and called them an arsehole it wouldn’t be tolerated. But when people are trying to help and providing 24 hour care for the price of nothing, when you’re feeling unwell it’s part of the job to get the abuse.

Apologies for the poor grammar looking after LO, however basically why do NHS have to deal with things when people get their help for free whereas places where you pay for your custom if you gave abuse you would be asked to leave/ banned?

Candlesmakescents - I agree. I recently took my DS for a hospital appointment, and at the reception he noticed one of the obviously ineffective posters advising people not to physically or verbally abuse NHS staff. He asked what it meant, and I told him that if anyone behaves in a nasty way towards the staff they are told to leave. The receptionist actually laughed and said "Oh no, we don't do that". Maybe if they did, some people wouldn't be such assholes.