Shit birthday

[madcatladyforever]

I don't care about birthdays usually but this year has been really shit. I got divorced, lost my job, had to move to another county and have been unwell and was just gutted that my son just totally ignored my birthday. I've not had a call from him or a card or anything.
I'm on my own. I don't have anything to do or anywhere to go and I just feel really hurt.
They obviously must have remembered at some point this afternoon as I got an impersonal gif on WhatsApp doesn't say happy birthday or anything.
No phone call or email. We normally get on fine. I feel properly taken for granted and really disappointed.
How hard is it to send a card?

Well I guess you could argue there’s a monthly calendar going on in there...

The Paws are crap at remembering cards (I think I’m the only one who is organised enough) and that’s the males and females. And if it had been a daughter I would have asked the same question!

I think you have to tell your son that it is important to you to have your birthday acknowledged, and that it hurts your feelings to have it forgotten. If you basically get on, this should be sufficient: I would strongly advise against long-term sulking, or accusing him of being selfish or ungrateful or a bad son (I'm not for a moment saying that you would, but there are people who do). Sometimes you have to make it clear what's important to you: people do differ on these things. For example, I am completely the other extreme: I HAAAATE to be reminded of my birthday; it is of the UTMOST importance to me that it must NEVER be acknowledged; and no doubt I am U here, but I would probably do at least the long-term sulking thing, if not actual murder, if anyone went against my wishes in this matter! On a more general note, I am sorry that things have been so difficult for you, and I hope they improve!

OP - WELL DONE for getting though everything you have done this year, moving to get new work, and managing to do that alongside divorcing.

May your birthday mark the year of everything good that you deserve and more.
[flowers[

Happy birthday op.

Happy birthday @madcatladyforever - you’ve done well so far, I get totally ignored on my birthday too but 🥳💐🎂 best wishes 😃

@JesusInTheCabbageVan no, not at all. It's a shit month for me too as anniversary of 2 bad assaults by DS' dad. I just want to sleep til this passes.

Happy birthday!! Your post made me mad on your behalf. So time to focus on you! get yourself booked in for a spa day for a prezzie to you ASAP.
Also go and get a birthday cake or look for one of them desert places and get it delivered. Get your fave meal in and a nice bottle of champers/wine. And put your favourite film on and make a list. This is a new year of positivity and the opportunities are endless. So what do you want to do before your next birthday?Don't sit and stew it's not worth your time to think of so called friends who have not bothered.

However do remind your son that he wasn't raised to be thoughtless and selfish like this. I would send a text if you don't fancy the call something like. Hi x just your mother messaging on her birthday as a reminder that I will accept belated apologies, boxes of chocolate and bouquets of flowers when you are ready.

Please don't feel down on your birthday. Remember you are strong and your winning you have dealt with all of this in the space of a year and your still standing. I hope your birthday next year will be filled with company and laughter. But for this one I hope u have lots of cake and wine.

Jesus , what would Barry say?

Can you phone a friend and go out for the evening, Madcatlady? Happy birthday

@Lordfrontpaw

Well I guess you could argue there’s a monthly calendar going on in there...

Yes, that occurred to me while I was posting not really the point I was making though.

As you've seen from the thread there are plenty of women who do apparently think their husbands/sons are incapable of sending cards to their own family purely because they're male...

As I’ve pointed out - my sisters are crap at sending cards too! My family seem to rely on their more organised spouses to remind them (apart from me who seems to have inherited mums d-day longing organisation skills).

Yes - but see posts such as @MatildaTheCat above. Many women do still believe, for some insane reason, that men are incapable of this simple task

And some people are incapable - my brother (spectrum) doesn’t ‘get’ giving cards if he doesn’t see you on the day. He’s over 60 now and not likely to change. It necessarily sex thing, just an individual thing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Op AND Billynomatesme.

“I assume there’s no wife or partner to remind him?” Oh ffs!

He’s a grown ass man of 40!

Perfectly capable of remembering himself or at the very least setting a reminder on his phone a week before (to organise card/gift) and on the day (to call/text but preferably call)

Selfish, thoughtless twat!

And as for the DH’s and others being excused on this thread unless they have genuine medical reasons for not being able to remember such things AND are incapable of using a phone or hard copy calendar and are otherwise capable of making and keeping appointments then there’s really no excuse

Tell him op, don’t suck it up and risk same next year. I’m guessing you went all out for his birthdays especially as a child? What happened for his 40th?

My grandas, dad, brother, uncles and male cousins all manage it and the older ones are certainly not the most enlightened types!

But they were raised by BOTH their parents not to take loved ones for granted in this way ESPECIALLY mums!

One time the florist messed up and my dads flowers for his mum didn’t arrive (he always arranged for morning delivery as she worked afternoons/eves) and his dad was straight on the phone at noon to him asking what he was playing at! When dad explained, granda called the local florists and arranged a delivery before the end of the day with the card saying “graphistas dad” on and dad never used those florists again.

Not acceptable behaviour at all.

“but in my experience February is the shitest month of the year by some distance when it comes to mental health. It's an absolute kick in the teeth of a month.” As another with shite mental health I’d second that! Can’t wait for it to be done! And it’s a bloody day longer this year!

Hope this marks the start of a MUCH better year for you both

🎼Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, (all together now) happy birthday dear "madcatladyforever* happy birthday to yoooouuuu!!! 🎼🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🍰🍰🍰🍰🌹🌹🥂🥂🥂🥂

Sorry meant madcatladyforever

I'm a little late to the party,
but Happy Birthday from me OP!
Tomorrow, you should definitely do something lovely for yourself, have a second birthday, in fact stretch it out over the whole week!!!

BillyNoMatesMe, are you okay? I hope you're feeling better today. Happy birthday to you, too, for yesterday.

Happy Birthday 💐
Treat yourself to something nice
It's hurtful of your son not to remember, is he normally good at these things or is he always flaky about marking occasions?
Most men I know of your son's age and older are are rubbish at things like this , not sure if men just don't care or if we enable them by organising everything on their behalf!
Take the initiative and see if you can arrange to see him, and perhaps explain how you're feeling.

@ScarlettBlaize how about reading and putting my whole post into context rather than picking out the part that meets your agenda? I absolutely suggested that the OP’s son was wholly responsible for his rotten behaviour and should be held to account.

We have no information at all as to whether OP’s son even has a partner, regardless of gender.

My point was secondary to all of this. In partnerships we have things we are better or worse at. I can’t help knowing when a family member has a birthday and trust me, we have an enormous family. I also enjoy choosing cards. Why, why would I knowingly let a much loved person feel forgotten just to make a point?

I’m not perfect and nor is DH but yes, my vaginal calendar is well functioning. Team working is an efficient concept.

@madcatladyforever apologies for derailment of your thread. I hope you did call your son to account and had an upturn in your day. Plenty of people here do care.

@MatildaTheCat ScarlettBlaize how about reading and putting my whole post into context rather than picking out the part that meets your agenda?

Sure. Here's your whole post. I left out the parts that had no bearing on the point I wished to address, but if you feel that those parts in some way change the main point, here's the entire post, again.

Firstly I wish you many happy returns and hope you do find something nice to cheer yourself up. It’s completely miserable to feel so neglected on your birthday.

Next I say you need to call him out on this. Set some standards and mean it. I would consider sending a message along the lines of, ‘DS, I’m sure you haven’t meant to upset me but I really am hurt and sad that after all that’s happened in the last year you haven’t sent a card, called or made any kind of effort whatsoever for my birthday.’ No apology for calling him out. He needs telling.

And for all those who think it’s outrageous that men might need reminding of a birthday, well yes, in an ideal world they wouldn’t and I’m sure plenty don’t. Unfortunately many really do, my own DH for starters. It’s hardly the end of the world for me to buy his parents a card and it would be crappy of me to refuse to do so to make a point.

Now that I've obeyed your instructions, would you be so kind as to answer the questions I asked you?

Does your dh have a brain injury?

Does he work?

Does he drive or use public transport independently?

Does he manage to get to appointments, meetings, and social engagements on time?

What do you imagine is the reason that he 'needs' you to buy cards for HIS parents?

What is the magical power you have that he doesn't?

Does your vagina come equipped with a magic calendar feature? Mine doesn't.