To wish DH would save more money

[onabudget]

Overall DH is a great husband, I love him to bits and we have a very happy life together. However, we have completely different priorities when it comes to money and I’m finding it really hard to deal with!

In a nutshell, I’m really keen to save as much money as possible to spend on home improvements, to set aside for a rainy day and to put towards a holiday and our first baby, who is due this summer. He’s far more of a “live for the moment and enjoy yourself now” type of guy - so if he fancies a spontaneous meal out at a restaurant he’ll do it, whereas I’d rather eat at home and save the cash.

We run our own business together so have a joint income and pay ourselves a set amount each month to cover everything - mortgage, bills and spending money.

I’m keen to put £500 a month (£250 each) aside from our salaries into a savings account, which we have been managing to do in recent months. We currently have £2600 of savings in total.

However, DH regularly uses up all his spending money a week or two before payday and will dip into savings for another £200 here and there to tide himself over until the end of the month. This frustrates me as it obviously reduces the money we have set aside!

Our money breakdown is roughly something like this:

Salary: £2000 each (after tax)
Mortgage: £700 each
Savings: £250 each
Bills (council tax, gas, electric, water, internet, phone, TV, pet insurance): £185 each
Mobile phones: £50 each
Food: £200 total (paid by me!)
Pet food: £100 total (also paid by me!)
Food top-ups and treats for DH and I during the month: £80 total (paid by DH)

The amount left over is spending money for us to use as we wish. As you can see, DH has significantly more spending money than I do, because I pay for most of the food shop and pet food. I do this deliberately because I know that if I don’t, he’ll run out of spending money even sooner in the month! Whereas I spend far less and am much better at managing my money. I also recognise that saving and home improvements are a priority for me and not him.

However, recently DH was fed-up as he was short of cash (again) and had to cancel meeting a friend for drinks after I asked him not to take any more money out of the savings account this month (he’s already had £150) and have a frugal week until payday.

AIBU for wishing he’d be more careful with money and make saving a priority? Or am I being overly controlling with money and should I adopt a more “live and let live” attitude?

DH has significantly more spending money than I do, because I pay for most of the food shop and pet food. I do this deliberately because I know that if I don’t, he’ll run out of spending money even sooner in the month!

So you pay for all the food so that he can have more 'fun money'?

And on top of this, he then dips into the family savings pot whenever he feels like it to feed his financial incontinence?

Obviously, it depends what kind of life you want to have, OP, but by enabling him like this, I don't think you're going to achieve your own financial goals.

It must be so disheartening to work hard running your own business and watch your profits being frittered away like this, month after month.

I'm going to have a serious chat with DH over the weekend and put all this to him. Wish me luck...

WTAF! You are subsidising him, he’s not stupid, he knows this and doesn’t care. Are you really going to ask his permission to stop affording him this privilege?

Take control and stop waiting for him to be something he isn’t.

I would personally also be concerned that his entitlement to entertainment (which is what his spending shows) will continue in other ways when the baby is here. You can have an OK night in the pub with 4-5 pints for less than twenty quid, but he must be spending a lot of TIME doing this also. How's that going to square with a new arrival, even if he reins in his spending?

The idea that men can't connect with babies as much as a pregnant mother may be true, but like hell would I believe that they can't anticipate anything about life with a child.

You need to properly sort your finances out.

Having a random savings account is not enough. You need to pool all money and then divide it back out with dh having a set amount of fun money each week. If he over spends that week, tough there is no more.

Having saving, and food and fun and all the rest so you both know exactly where you.
I'd also suggest a separate pot for the baby s sundries. Eg nappies, clothes, formula toys.

Another saving for the baby per see.. Even 5 a month will add up for the babies future.

Another saving for babies expenses like nursery or clubs... Classes.

Then more savings for Xmas and bdays which will get expensive. If you start saving even teeny amounts now you'll be fine when these expenses come in.

Your dh should be more sensible when he sees actually, that 2 grand isn't there anymore, and what's his allowance is just that and only that. If he goes over it he has to choose very clearly '' do I Rob my babies future by taking money from that pot, or do I Rob from his classes or birthdays? Or should I just learn to spend within my means and if I want more to spend, I'll stay in or spend less one week.... ''

It might be pretty painful to have this conversation now op. But if you don’t, down the track you will leave him, poorer and very resentful. Having the conversation is essential to your relationship, and very much worth the pain.

If you don't get this sorted now ,before you have a baby then you will never get it sorted
But he needs to be committed to it Otherwise he either won't change,or he will change but resent you for it Either way it will put a huge strain on your marriage
Be careful you are not putting too much emphasis on saving to the extent that you are having no fun

In these situations OP, you don't need to be wished luck.

You make your own luck, by not putting up with an immature prat as a partner who expects to be mummied

You’re taking over the adult role and he becomes the teenage boy given pocket money. Why should the responsibility of bills fall on you?

Because sometimes that’s the only way of making it work, voice of experience having been married to a spendthrift for 20 years. It’s the way countless working class families operated for generations.

I would have a joint account for all bills including food and pet food.

Another account for joint savings - agree how much this should be and make it hard to access.

Finally, individual accounts for personal spending allowances. You can also have personal saving accounts for any monies you wish to save from your personal accounts.

If you agree some savings targets this will make life easier - maybe I se a financial adviser. It could be a target to save 3 months of expenditure and start saving a University fund for your dc. Or save for your next house move in 3 years or for xyz holidays or home improvements but having concrete plans is motivational.