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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if your partner gives you compliments?

76 replies

littleblackdress04 · 21/02/2020 18:58

Yesterday, I had a compliment from a random stranger- it wasn’t sleazy- it was in a service station. Bloke walked past me, turned around & said ‘You are really pretty’ & that was that. Literally never happened before & kind of surprised me (esp as I am 45 😂)

But then it got me thinking that it was the first time anyone has said anything nice to me in a really long time & made me realise that my OH literally never says a bloody nice complimentary thing to me ever. We’ve been together 20 years but it’s made me realise how sad it makes me to feel unnoticed at home.

The comment yesterday just made me feel nice I guess as it’s been years.

Aibu to ask if your OH compliments you? And I don’t mean that I need validation from someone else either but I do feel a bit invisible sometimes!

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 21/02/2020 22:04

Yes. He often tells me I look lovely, which is very nice as I’m 53.
Im also quite fat and his eyes always light up even he sees me naked. I really do think he sees me through the eyes of his heart, because although i am quite fortunate looking in a good light, im no oil painting.

QueenofallIsee · 22/02/2020 19:04

I compliment him all the time, I can’t get enough of him! I think he is the sexiest man I’ve ever seen

Walkthedinosauuuuur · 22/02/2020 19:20

My husband compliments me constantly.

Mummyshark2019 · 22/02/2020 20:06

Never complemented. Made to feel like a fat fuck most of the time....

Andromeida59 · 22/02/2020 22:46

My DP compliments me all the time. He tells me I'm awesome and he has been my biggest cheerleader. He encourages me and is so understanding.
I also compliment him. I think he's gorgeous and actually getting more attractive. He's kind, loving, funny and my favourite human in the world.

Thankssomuch · 22/02/2020 23:02

My first husband was continually dismissive and rude to me, about my appearance as well as my personality, often in company, and I spent most of my (unhappy) twenties losing any sense of myself that I might have had. My DH now just lets me be myself, and tells me and/or texts me daily that I am beautiful, or something along those lines. It’s not romance of the century or anything, but what we have together works.

PhoneLock · 22/02/2020 23:04

Yes, all the time.

tiggerkid · 22/02/2020 23:06

Been married 21 years. Husband still does compliment me. I don't want it to sound like bragging though. Lack of compliments probably does make you feel unnoticed but I suppose everything depends on what else your husband does to make you feel like he cares about you. Some people just aren't good at talking and expressing their emotions but they show they care in other ways. Only you can tell :)

paintedfences · 22/02/2020 23:20

Mine said just this evening 'you have a crisp on your boob.' But it was said with love.

shinyredbus · 22/02/2020 23:42

Almost Everyday. I appreciate it.

redwinefine · 23/02/2020 16:55

17 years and yes, every single day. Telling me I'm a good mum when I'm exhausted after looking after baby etc

HannaJoy · 24/02/2020 13:28

Nope not ever lol

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 24/02/2020 13:32

No, mine never says anything nice. He never says anything not nice though. He just never says anything.

Normaknowall · 24/02/2020 13:49

Yes he does. It isn’t necessary but it is lovely. I compliment him too! Sorry to be vomit inducing but he is pretty good.
Just got this card randomly from him. He’s good at cards, phone messages and so on - like he gets embarrassed saying something to my face.. but he knows what will hit the mark.
He’ll walk past and stop, kiss my hair and tell me how good it smells, stuff like that. I’ll tell him how good he looks in his suit, pat his arse appreciatively when he’s cooking, tell him (truthfully) he’s the funniest person I know...and the wisest.

To ask if your partner gives you compliments?

Passthecake30 · 24/02/2020 13:54

Nope, never. But he doesn't insult the way I look either, or point out the greying roots/wrinkles - he backs me up when the kids do!

He does insult my fitness/strength as I'm a weed, he finds it strange I have no upper body strength, and o go to the gym where I sit on my backside and play with my phone

EmeraldShamrock · 24/02/2020 14:06

Yes he does, sometimes there is nothing to compliment but if I make any effort he will.
I am sorry your OH does not compliment you, my DFriend is in the process of leaving her husband down to his lack of compliments. She said her new boss compliments her lots, it has made her see life is to short to not feel attractive to her OH.

doadeer · 24/02/2020 14:17

Yes everyday we compliment each other many times. He tells me I'm beautiful every day. Been together 9 years I'm very lucky x

Ughmaybenot · 24/02/2020 14:22

All the time. Covers all bases too, how I look, my sense of humour, my work, how I cook, how I dress, even how I drive sometimes 😂 My favourite is when he compliments me on how well I cope with my chronic illnesses. He’s my biggest fan and a really wonderful man.

Pardonwhat · 24/02/2020 14:30

I think it’s sad someone making a seemingly innocent compliment is being ‘yuk’-ed at. I compliment people all the time. I didn’t realise I was a creep.
My partner compliments me daily. We both do to be fair.

caperplips · 24/02/2020 14:49

Yes dh is very complimentary and always says really lovely things to me. We're very soppy with each other privately and we are each others support system! We absolutely love each other! And we've been together 21 years this year.

Cupcakecafe · 24/02/2020 18:20

No actually.
I have to specifically ask if I look ok if we're going somewhere and he always just says yeah you look fine. Often without actually looking at me.
I've just read the love languages thing and it wasn't very nice. He also doesnt show physical affection, doesnt do any acts of service or get me gifts. He has told me once that he likes being in the same room as me, but that's about it. He never outs his phone down or puts something on the TV that I have any interest in either.
I don't know when I actually last felt loved or wanted tbh. Usually im spoken to like I'm something on his shoe and treated like a skivy who he can sleep with.

Cupcakecafe · 24/02/2020 18:21

God that's depressing isnt it.
Why am I still married to him

Arthritica · 24/02/2020 18:25

Very much so.

RedSheep73 · 24/02/2020 18:28

Dh and I don't really do gushy with each other. Tbh it's not something I'm bothered about. He treats me as his best friend, I can trust him absolutely and we know pretty much everything about each other. That'll do, I don't need him to tell me I'm pretty. I wouldn't believe him if he did!

EvaHarknessRose · 24/02/2020 18:32

'you look lovely' about once every three years when it seems appropriate or I'm fishing for compliments but otherwise he plays it safe and keeps quiet. Honestly, I love and appreciate him and I notice what he does and how he is every day, but it doesn't need to be said all the time. I guess if I didn't feel he felt the same it might be different.

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