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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your partner gives you compliments?

76 replies

littleblackdress04 · 21/02/2020 18:58

Yesterday, I had a compliment from a random stranger- it wasn’t sleazy- it was in a service station. Bloke walked past me, turned around & said ‘You are really pretty’ & that was that. Literally never happened before & kind of surprised me (esp as I am 45 😂)

But then it got me thinking that it was the first time anyone has said anything nice to me in a really long time & made me realise that my OH literally never says a bloody nice complimentary thing to me ever. We’ve been together 20 years but it’s made me realise how sad it makes me to feel unnoticed at home.

The comment yesterday just made me feel nice I guess as it’s been years.

Aibu to ask if your OH compliments you? And I don’t mean that I need validation from someone else either but I do feel a bit invisible sometimes!

OP posts:
Alyic · 21/02/2020 19:49

If I got any sort of compliment, I'd assume I was terminally ill and unaware of it. But I'm used to it and don't want compliments from him.

Original poster
littleblackdress04 · 21/02/2020 19:53

Bloke at garage didn’t feel sleazy tbh- but it wasn’t really about that- it was more about how it made me feel about not getting noticed by my partner ever!

OP posts:
Mwnci123 · 21/02/2020 19:54

No, not really. It's something we've spoken about a couple of times and he says that I immediately dismiss anything nice he says, which is partly why he doesn't. In truth, though, on the very rare occasion I've asked him straight up to say something nice to me he has struggled to think of anything. Christ knows why he married me! But actually I do feel loved and wanted.

bobstersmum · 21/02/2020 19:58

No, now I come to think of it, he doesn't. Some of you here have lovely other halves!

LuluJakey1 · 21/02/2020 20:01

Yes, he says positive, flattering things and says thank you for things. I try to do the same. We aren't over the top about it. Not saying 'Good job' and high-fiving or anything!

80skid · 21/02/2020 20:02

No, never. I am rarely noticed by anyone other than my youngest (aged 4) who loves me, admires earrings and likes how I smell.
An old lady told me I looked nice the other day though, but other than that, don't recall when I was last complimented.
Savour your prettiness OP!

RiddleyW · 21/02/2020 20:04

Oh yes, like a pp I get lots of compliments from my 5 year old!

Original poster
littleblackdress04 · 21/02/2020 20:05

Yes my 7 year old gives me loads of compliments bless her 💕

OP posts:
Lazymorningsareover · 21/02/2020 20:11

No not really. I mean if I've had my hair done or I'm wearing something new he'll say that looks nice, but it's like he's just being polite as it's what he ought to say. In all honesty I'm most certainly not beautiful, passable as pretty in some lights perhaps, on a good day.

Lazymorningsareover · 21/02/2020 20:13

Dh does do lots of other lovely things so I try not to worry about it.

My little boy said I'm a pretty princess completely out of the blue yesterday so I'll take that!

BlueChangling · 21/02/2020 20:14

Mines never used to. We had a row about it years ago and I told him that I felt like shit sometimes because he never said anything appreciative or complimentary to me.

Since then he's always made the effort to tell me when I look good or when he knows I've put in a bit if effort.

Communication is key to a happy marriage.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 21/02/2020 20:21

DH compliments me or says at least one nice thing to me everyday.

I suffer from two debilitating illnesses and life is a massive struggle 90% of the time so he tries to lift my self esteem as much as he can.

theSnuffster · 21/02/2020 20:21

Yes he does, usually related to my appearance. Eg 'look at that arse' 😂

I'm overweight, had ache until recently, cellulite, stretch marks... lots of 'flaws' in general. I think he's trying to make me feel better about that sort of stuff.

Mittens030869 · 21/02/2020 20:23

My DH, bless him, has always said something complimentary if I've had a hair appointment, but he doesn't say anything spontaneously about finding me attractive anymore. I've developed severe dermatitis on my face (mostly due to stress, I think), so I've lost all my confidence in my appearance. I'm 50 and I've had a lifelong battle with keeping myself from gaining weight but I've always had the reassurance of knowing that my face is attractive and that I look younger than I am.

The dermatitis has hence hit me hard so I could do with my DH telling me sometimes that I'm still attractive to him. He's very caring and does all he can for me and our DDs (adopted, aged 10 and 7), but I no longer feel that he finds me attractive. However, I know that it's because of my own insecurity at the moment.

MelbaToast · 21/02/2020 20:46

Reading this, I realise the last time DP complimented was about 8 months when he told me I would look good in a binliner. Since then I don't think so but he's good to me and very loyal which is preferable to being a bastard.

MulticolourMophead · 21/02/2020 20:51

My ex didn't compliment me. In fact, I'd get the nastiest digs at times when I felt really good.

I'm thinking of dating again, and looking to find someone who actually likes me.

Sceptre86 · 21/02/2020 21:08

Not all the time but he does always notice if I have done my hair differently or gone to the effort to straighten or curl it. He also notices when I have spent time on my makeup or outfit which is nice. Yesterday I was concerned that my boobs are getting flat as I am losing weight. He commented that they were as amazing as ever which was a certainly a welcome boost to my confidence. I compliment him too.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 21/02/2020 21:17

Important question is. Do you all compliment your partners?😉
If yes, it sucks when they don't compliment you too. If not, try it. Soon you will be getting compliments too. I think it's really important for both partners to do this. I regularly compliment my DH's bottomGrin

GeePipe · 21/02/2020 21:30

Walkingdeadtrainee yep i compiment mine all the time and nada back. Even when i tell him he never compliments me he still wont Grin.

NotYourTypicalNerd · 21/02/2020 21:43

nope. never.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 21/02/2020 21:43

@GeePipe ruuuude. Maybe he does things instead?

ByeMF · 21/02/2020 21:49

Nope. The best he ever came up with is that I'm nice and kind to animals. I kid you not. Not wishing to blow my own trumpet I look pretty good and I make people laugh. Yet another reason why he's the ex.

Newkitchen123 · 21/02/2020 21:53

Yes. He does
We both do

GeePipe · 21/02/2020 21:53

Walkingdeadtrainee. Yeah he has emotional problems. Last week i brought it up he mentioned his grandparents who have been together for 50 odd years and he said his grandpa never says anything like that to his grandma but he expresses it differently. So in his head he loves me but cant bring himself to actually compliment me. (Although he did once say he wouldnt have asked me out if he wasnt attracted to me so thats the nicest thing he has ever said.)

StormBaby · 21/02/2020 22:03

We compliment each other constantly. He will just be staring at me and will randomly tell me how beautiful I am. Or he will tell me how amazing his life is now he's with me, or how proud he is of my career.
I tell him he's the most passionate person I've ever met, he's literally got the heart of a lion and I love that about him. He's never really had anyone 'behind him' before, everyone has always tried to keep him down, even his parents and especially his ex, think they were intimidated of what he was capable of achieving personally, so I know he revels in me being his biggest fan.

Everybody should read up on the 5 love languages with their partners.

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