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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told DD (11) to do her own washing?

52 replies

BramwellBrown · 21/02/2020 18:11

DD has got a horrible attitude at the moment and is being really rude and ungrateful and I've had enough of it. She huffs and rolls her eyes and varies between a snappy tone and sarcasm, she has completely forgotten the words please and thank you and regularly tells me she hates me.

I asked DD to get her washing out her room and she said "no, do it yourself" so I told her to do her washing herself. She's had a massive tantrum, I am the worst mother ever and she hates me and none of her friends parents make them do things round the house! (which is probably bollocks as I get "but all my friends parents..." a lot) She also says refusing to do her washing is "like uber neglectful."

She has very huffily done her washing, with a bit of guidance, but she is still sulking and muttering about injustice and I am now doubting myself (but not in front of her because I'm pretty sure she can smell weakness). I'm not planning to never ever do her washing again but is 11 old enough to do your own washing in these circumstances?

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 21/02/2020 18:13

Yanbu in my opinion but my 11 year olds knows full bloody well that if his washing doesn’t go int be basket, it doesn’t get washed. Only once have I snuck in and washed a set of uniform, but I didn’t tell him, I just wanted to make sure he had the uniform. So yeah if he chose to keep it on the floor in his room he would eventually have to wash it!
He’s learned his lesson now though!

Devendra · 21/02/2020 18:13

I had to do my own and the families washing and ironing around her age... Not all of it always but a fair amount. It's life skills, and hardly taxing.

Excited101 · 21/02/2020 18:14

Good for you op! In a normal situation I’d say you were being a bit mean but with that attitude you did absolutely the right thing! Well done!

bridgetreilly · 21/02/2020 18:14

Perfectly fine.

1WayOrAnother · 21/02/2020 18:16

Totally fine OP. Stick to your guns Flowers

HopeYouStepOnALego · 21/02/2020 18:18

I think that was a perfectly reasonable consequence to her being rude when asked to fetch her washing, so well done OP. Don't back down!

LangSpartacusCleg · 21/02/2020 18:18

I have a theory - the more times you are called a ‘mean mum’ between the child’s ages of 11-16, the better parent you are.

queenMab99 · 21/02/2020 18:20

I would stick to it for a while at least. She will think twice about being rude and ungrateful for what you do for her, if she ends up having to them herself.

Nandocushion · 21/02/2020 18:20

My two have been doing their own washing since they were 10. Why wouldn't you get her to do it herself? It's a perfect way to teach natural consequences.

Jazzycat84 · 21/02/2020 18:20

Go you!! She’ll quickly learn that these things are not a right.

katy1213 · 21/02/2020 18:20

I doubt she had to scrub it over a dollyboard! She'll survive.

Original poster
BramwellBrown · 21/02/2020 18:23

@LangSpartacusCleg In which case I am a great mum Grin

OP posts:
Sally872 · 21/02/2020 18:24

Really good consequence for her cheek.

titchy · 21/02/2020 18:27

Assuming you have a washing machine and are not expecting her to do it all by hand then run through a mangle yanbu.

cobwebfew · 21/02/2020 18:27

YANBU OP. She's old enough to do her own washing and a fantastic consequence for what she said to you.

Original poster
BramwellBrown · 21/02/2020 18:29

I'm glad the majority think this was ok, The amount of fuss she's making you'd think I'd made her walk to the well and fetch water first and everything!

OP posts:
MollysMummy2010 · 21/02/2020 18:30

My 10 y/o does her own washing. Does bugger all else though.......

DropZoneOne · 21/02/2020 18:31

I love that! I get the same from my DD, also 11. I don't pick clothes off the floor, so if it doesn't end up in the wash basket, it doesn't get done. Queue regular huffiness when she doesn't have anything in her wardrobe that she wants to wear.

@LangSpartacusCleg mother of the year award over here then 🤣

PixieRabbit · 21/02/2020 18:32

I think it’s a fairly straightforward task for her to learn to do. Will she hang it up after, or is there a tumble dryer?

It might help give her a sense of purpose, responsibility and control in her life. A good thing.

Beamur · 21/02/2020 18:37

Good for you.
My approach was to provide a handy wash basket, clothes in the basket got washed. Clothing on the floor did not.
Ditto clean bed linen. I'd put a clean set in their room (usually at the beginning of the weekend) and leave them to it Grin

Original poster
BramwellBrown · 21/02/2020 18:38

She's got to stick it on the clothes horse, sadly I don't have a dryer.

OP posts:
Original poster
BramwellBrown · 21/02/2020 18:41

She has a wash basket in her room by the way, the only chore she is usually asked to do is put her clothes in it.

OP posts:
Lazymorningsareover · 21/02/2020 18:41

Yanbu. I also have an 11yo so I know what it's like. He kept putting clean clothes in the wash because he couldn't be arsed to put them away, also multiple outfit changes for no good reason.

I made him do the washing, he said he shouldn't have to because it's a crap job.

He does seem to be trying now.

I do make him help, more so in school holidays, he is reluctant but he knows he gets nowhere arguing with me. I always win!

Mulledwineinajug · 21/02/2020 18:41

Of course it’s fine. My 12 and 10 yo can put a load of washing on. They don’t do all their own washing but sometimes I ask them to do it. Just like I sometimes ask them to unload the dishwasher or change the beds.

BMW6 · 21/02/2020 18:43

Stick to your guns and give her the number for Childline Smile