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AIBU?

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Original poster

Family Inheritance troubles

84 replies

Starfish75 · 21/02/2020 00:23

I really need some advice here as this is totally stressing me out. Basically, I purchased a house with my dad, 50/50. I lived in it & paid all bills as one would expect as well as my half of the mortgage. My dad also paid his half of the mortgage but not any bills as he lived elsewhere. Anyway, I have since moved out of that house, moved in my hubby and rented that out.

In recent discussion with my brother, he was talking about my dad’s houses (he has a few) and that dad needs to sort out a will. Anyway, towards the end of the call he casually drops in “what are you going to do with your half of the house?” And went on to tell me what he’d do with his half. He was talking about the house I brought with my dad!! I was so shocked at this & made excuses to leave the call.

I would never in my wildest dreams think my dad would leave his half of our house to him! He may be the only son but that seems totally batty to me! Not to mention so unfair.

Since then I have asked my dad about it and he says he has no plans with his half at the moment & doesn’t want to make any decisions. I offered to buy him out as I really don’t want to be sharing that house with my brother. All he could go on about was that he’d invest his half in another property. Yet I have no plans to sell it! And saw that house as my future for retirement or to help find my children.

I can’t force my fathers hand on this but just so stressed and cross at my brother to even think it’s ok for him to have my house!

I’m sorry this is so long but what do people think of this situation? does anyone have any experience on this or advice on what I should do?

I’m so worried. I try to put it out of my mind but it seems to be on repeat in my head. I’ve never spoken to my brother about it since.

OP posts:
bohemia14 · 21/02/2020 12:36

I agree that there are times when inheritance needs to be discussed. However the OP has raised it with her father and he said that he doesn't want to discuss it.

InsomCho · 21/02/2020 12:45

@partofthepeanutgallery surely that depends on the relative values of the houses? If e.g. the house the op owns half of is an 800k house, but her DF has bought OP's db a 200k house, it would be decidedly UNfair for the DF to give OP the other half of the house and call things square.

ChateauMargaux · 21/02/2020 13:46

Just tell your brother that the most straight forward solution would be to swap his half of your house for your half of his house.

As for your Dad... tell him that his comments have made you feel uneasy and that if he does intend to leave his half of the house you part own with him to your brother in addition to the house he has already gifted to him, that it would leave you feeling that he had been unfair. Explain that these comments have put into perspective the fact that he has gifted a house to your brother whereas you have been paying half the mortgage on the one you part own with him and that this makes you acutely away of the difference in the way that you are treated. You can also say that his money is his to do with what he wishes but you would rather sell the shared house and buy something 100% on your own rather than be forced to consult your brother in the future regarding the property.

Be honest, don't let it simmer. I am sorry you are in this position. (We have similar in our family and I have just said my piece and said I want no more of this and declined to have something bought in my name over which I would have no real control over. I have made my peace with it though I am sure it will cause pain when it comes to splitting assets after the death of my parents.)

Newkitchen123 · 21/02/2020 13:48

The only discussion needs to be between op and her dad about the house they jointly own
OPs dad has said he doesn't want to discuss it
It is absolutely none of brother's business what dad chooses to do with HIS money
No one is entitled to anything they themselves have not worked for.

Purpletigers · 21/02/2020 14:14

Your dad signed an entire house over to your brother . I’ll ask him to sign the other half of the house you own together over to you . Speak to your father . Or ask him to give you a house too ?
He’s being unfair .

partofthepeanutgallery · 21/02/2020 15:35

Yes, but any potential difference in values can clearly be worked out by the several other houses he apparently owns as well.

contentedsoul · 21/02/2020 15:51

My family has been ripped apart by the lust for money from siblings and their spouses- I walked away empty handed. And a day doesn’t go by when I don’t wish them nothing but a life of untold misery.

Prepare yourself OP - I’m damn certain your brother has many other land too.

Both mine did ....fucking wankers

contentedsoul · 21/02/2020 15:52

Plans - stupid phone

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/02/2020 07:28

My family has been ripped apart by the lust for money from siblings and their spouses- I walked away empty handed. And a day doesn’t go by when I don’t wish them nothing but a life of untold misery.

I think you were wise to do so - what you might have gained financially would have placed great stress on your mental, and possibly physical health.

This happened in our family, too - with a manipulative older relative who played off one grandchild against another. i just stepped back out of the loop - I'd seen how she was pulling strings and wasn't going to have any part of it.

Ironically - they all left her to struggle when she really needed them, but they thought there was nothing in it for them. Her will was spiteful, too.

People like theatre poison - no money can compensate.

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