Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Family Inheritance troubles

84 replies

Starfish75 · 21/02/2020 00:23

I really need some advice here as this is totally stressing me out. Basically, I purchased a house with my dad, 50/50. I lived in it & paid all bills as one would expect as well as my half of the mortgage. My dad also paid his half of the mortgage but not any bills as he lived elsewhere. Anyway, I have since moved out of that house, moved in my hubby and rented that out.

In recent discussion with my brother, he was talking about my dad’s houses (he has a few) and that dad needs to sort out a will. Anyway, towards the end of the call he casually drops in “what are you going to do with your half of the house?” And went on to tell me what he’d do with his half. He was talking about the house I brought with my dad!! I was so shocked at this & made excuses to leave the call.

I would never in my wildest dreams think my dad would leave his half of our house to him! He may be the only son but that seems totally batty to me! Not to mention so unfair.

Since then I have asked my dad about it and he says he has no plans with his half at the moment & doesn’t want to make any decisions. I offered to buy him out as I really don’t want to be sharing that house with my brother. All he could go on about was that he’d invest his half in another property. Yet I have no plans to sell it! And saw that house as my future for retirement or to help find my children.

I can’t force my fathers hand on this but just so stressed and cross at my brother to even think it’s ok for him to have my house!

I’m sorry this is so long but what do people think of this situation? does anyone have any experience on this or advice on what I should do?

I’m so worried. I try to put it out of my mind but it seems to be on repeat in my head. I’ve never spoken to my brother about it since.

OP posts:

TheTeenageYears · 21/02/2020 08:27

One issue with buying your Dad out now if he still wants the money in property is the additional stamp duty charged once one property is owned. It racks up the costs so he might be quite reluctant to be bought out.

It’s a difficult conversation to have with your Dad but it sounds completely unfair that he’s already signed over a whole house to your brother but won’t sign over the other half of the property you own. Do you currently split all profit, costs etc equally with your Dad now the house is rented out?

When you lived in the house, other than paying the bills yourself did you pay anything to your Dad by way of rent on the half you didn’t own? I’m just wondering if your brother feels there was an imbalance at the time (and therefore entitled now) because you got to live in a house for half what it would have cost you if you had bought the whole thing?

Pinkyyy · 21/02/2020 08:28

I don't understand how the brother can be greedy for assuming he can have half a house, but the OP is fine to do the same?

Nobody should be assuming anything, inheritance is something you inherit if you're lucky. I can't believe people are encouraging the OP to ASK for it. If my child asked me something like that I'd be inclined to give them nothing, because they were planning how they'd spend my money before I was even gone.

Madre1972 · 21/02/2020 08:29

I’m surprised this conversation wasn’t had prior to purchasing a house with your dad. It certainly needs to be had now that your brother has raised it.

I do find it pretty distasteful when children are arguing about inheritence from alive parents. I would not be impressed if my children were discussing what they want when I am dead!

choirmumoftwo · 21/02/2020 08:30

Pinkyy because brother has already been given a whole house so would eventually have 11/2 houses while OP has 1/2. I would consider this grabby.

HoppingPavlova · 21/02/2020 08:32

Don't you worry that your dcs will feel unhappy that you treated them unequally? And see this as a reflection of how much you valued them?

No, because that’s insane and the kids recognise it as such. It’s very much a philosophy they were brought up with and they are on board with - equity vs equality. My kids were not all born with equal chances in life. What you describe is like not getting one child a pair of glasses because the others don’t need glasses, or making the others wear glasses with non-prescription lenses so they are all treated equally, it’s ridiculous. My kids have grown up appreciating that different people need different things in order to level up the playing field in life and they think this is normal.

And how can you be certain that, at the time of your death, their circumstances will be the same as they are now? Health problems, divorce, redundancy etc can all turn people's lives upside down.

Yes, that’s why what I have specified now may not be what I have specified 10 years time, may not be what I specify in 20 years time. I would imagine most people keep their wills fairly current and I will definitely review if things happen in anyone’s lives to change the status quo they have currently. I guess the only issue would be if I reached an age where I became unable to function executively and there were changes of fortune in that period but I can’t let that stop me from aiming for equity for them for as long as I am able.

Kirkman · 21/02/2020 08:33

Pinkyy because brother has already been given a whole house so would eventually have 11/2 houses while OP has 1/2. I would consider this grabby.

But thay would depens on the value of both properties

The brother may have got a whole property that was worth (for example) 100k. Ops property might have been 300k. In which case if the dad signed over half the house to OP, she gets substantially more.

It's not as simple as one person gets a house, so should the other.

HoppingPavlova · 21/02/2020 08:38

Also, in case you meant what if any of these things happen AFTER I die re change of fortune? It is what it is and there has to be a line drawn somewhere. It may be for instance that if I had 4 kids and split money between 3 the only change would be that one if the 3 had a change meaning they were now significantly worse off in life. Being dead I can’t go back in time to give them more and the other 2 less in anticipation of this. Maybe the one that gets nothing will get divorced and lose two thirds of what they have. Who knows, all you can do is the best you can at the time of your death.

PhilipJennings · 21/02/2020 08:41

So your dads estate will be split between his children. So his half of your shares house will be split, if it’s just you and your brother you will get a 1/4 each.

I've seen this repeated a couple of times upthread and it's not correct in one fundamental respect: there's nothing to say the father won't leave it to his son. The property will go as the father wills it and OP won't automatically get half of anything. There are no guarantees the brother is going to only get 25% of the house. Especially if OP is given a specific bequest and her father bequeathes "all my remaining property, land and title to my son". This is even more likely if there's culturally a reason to favour sons.

Pinkyyy · 21/02/2020 08:41

It's not as simple as one person gets a house, so should the other.

I agree

Kirkman · 21/02/2020 08:44

I've seen this repeated a couple of times upthread and it's not correct in one fundamental respect

I can only speak for myself, but that's why I said if it happened soon ie before sorting anything out. As it stands it appears it's not actually been sorted anywhere, officially.

Tistheseason17 · 21/02/2020 08:46

Sounds crap.

alig99 · 21/02/2020 08:51

Actually if your Dad own 50% of the property surely if he was being fair his half would split between you and your brother, ie 25% each. So the buying out of your brother might be affordable. Just a thought.

AJPTaylor · 21/02/2020 08:52

One thing for sure is that your dad needs a will!

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 21/02/2020 08:52

Firstly, I am appalled that your brother has been thinking of what he'll do when he inherits property from your DF. I do agree with him that your DF needs to sort his will out, although maybe that isn't in your interests. You may be better off under rules of intestacy, depending on whether your grandparents or mother are still alive and whether you have other siblings beside your brother.

I can’t force my fathers hand on this but just so stressed and cross at my brother to even think it’s ok for him to have my house!
But it isn't your house. It has only ever been 50% yours.

I would never in my wildest dreams think my dad would leave his half of our house to him!
You need to realise your dad can leave it to anyone he wants to unless you are Joint Tenants where it would automatically transfer to you on his death. You need to check how it is held. (Also bear in mind, now that the subject has been brought up, that he could change how it is held).

You could talk to your dad, and ask again to buy him out if you are so determined you want to keep that house.

Your dad must be feeling really awful that his children are squabbling about who will inherit his properties when he dies. If I was him I'd make a will leaving everything to charities.

Newkitchen123 · 21/02/2020 08:56

As someone about to lose my beloved dad I find this whole thread disgraceful
My dad can do what he likes with his money
I'd rather have him here

YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/02/2020 08:56

I voted YABU before I saw the major dripfeed about the Brother's house. Now its YANBU.

Confuddledtown · 21/02/2020 08:59

Pinkyy because brother has already been given a whole house so would eventually have 11/2 houses while OP has 1/2. I would consider this grabby.

OP only has that half because she paid for it, not given it. So the brother gets 1.5 houses for free and the OP gets nothing. Shes even offered to buy her dad out so she can own the whole house but he said no, so she doesnt sound grabby to me, shes just trying to protect what she has invested in. Her dad is happy with the renting situation, which provides op with an income and options in the future (can continue generating rental income or can sell for a lump sum or give to her children) but it sounds like her brother doesnt want to continue with that asking what she wants to do with her half, sounding like hes already considering selling it. The only grabby one here is her brother. op hadn't given it any thought until the brother brought it up on the phone and pulled the rug from under ops feet.

Alsohuman · 21/02/2020 09:02

Just get your dad to buy you out and buy another house, OP.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 21/02/2020 09:06

Newkitchen123

As someone about to lose my beloved dad I find this whole thread disgraceful
My dad can do what he likes with his money
I'd rather have him here
I totally agree, especially as my Mum died recently. I am so sorry to hear about your dad.

Itwasntme1 · 21/02/2020 09:07

@Newkitchen123 so sorry for your loss.

Inheritance does sometimes need to be discussed, particularly where there are jointly owned assets.

I think you are having a very emotional and understandable reaction given your current circumstances. However there is nothing disgraceful about considering what will happen to a jointly owned asset once one owner dies. It is common sense, and most business owners and families estate plan.

I think you are being a bit unfair.

AngelsSins · 21/02/2020 09:09

Why is it all up to your dad? Does your mum not get a say?

Can’t stand this sexism in families of passing everything on to the boys, it’s hideous, especially when it’s the girls expected to care for elderly parents.

Kirkman · 21/02/2020 09:12

*Why is it all up to your dad? Does your mum not get a say?&

Given op hasnt mentioned her mum it could be that her mum has already passed or she isnt married to the dad or with him at all.

Not sure why it would be presumed ops mother gets a say at all. Not everyone in married, nor are parents always together.

My kids dad gets no say in how I split my assets. I am not married to him anymore.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 21/02/2020 09:15

Id rather my parents share anything they want to leave equally to their kids or not at all.
Looks like OP's mother is also alive so all the speculation about a 50/50 split in the event of intestacy has overlooked this important fact anyway.

AngelsSins · 21/02/2020 09:20

Given op hasnt mentioned her mum it could be that her mum has already passed or she isnt married to the dad or with him at all

Not sure why it would be presumed ops mother gets a say at all. Not everyone in married, nor are parents always together

Sorry, you’re right, I thought I’d seen mum mentioned somewhere, but looking back it seems not. Still, if you’re mum is still married to him OP, does she get a say?

Jaxhog · 21/02/2020 09:20

Your problem is that your Dad can leave his assets in any way he wants, whether you think it's fair or not. If he dies intestate i.e. without a will, his assets will go to your mum (if still alive) and then divided equally between you and your siblings. In the UK that is - it's different in other countries.

The only way to be absolutely certain that your Brother doesn't inherit your Dad's half of the house is to buy him out.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread