To ask about great marriages you’ve witnessed?

[BuffaloCauliflower]

Either your own or other peoples. Wonderful marriages you’ve seen, and admired, and been inspired by.

I’m fairly recently married to a wonderful DH. I spend a lot of time on these boards and there are no red flags, I have great faith. But my own parents marriage was crap. Not aggressive or anything, they were just badly matched. And I see the fallouts of relationships here so regularly, seemingly happy marriages upended by affairs, disrespect, selfishness. I’ve seen several marriages disintegrate in less than a year recently. It makes me anxious, no matter how wonderful I think my DH is. I look eagerly to the lovely marriages of other family members to give me hope!

I’d love your stories of happiness, commitment, dedication and love. I know they’re out there!

I met my husband when I was 16. We were a couple since I was 17. That was 40 years ago. I thought we’d get a telegram from the queen, because we’d be married so long. He was the kindest, most supportive, most caring person, a dedicated, hands on father. We were soulmates. If there is such a thing as a perfect marriage I had one. Almost every post I read on here breaks my heart because so many posters have never known what I and my children had. I am so blessed to have known him.

My wonderful eldest brother has been married to his lovely wife for 42 years. He still takes her hand and kisses it. I have never seen them exchange a cross word and they laugh all the time. Their marriage has been an inspiration to DH and me (just the 21 years).

Keep the faith OP

My in-laws were married within six weeks of meeting, and were blissfully happy until MIL died just after their 50th wedding anniversary. DH says he can't remember them ever having a cross word, let alone a row.

So lovely I’m jealous of those who never fight at all, as much as DH and I adore each other we do annoy each other sometimes!

Also my uncle and aunt were married for 75 years until she died aged 99 and he was 100. They were adorable.

Doingitforhim

I'm not sure it's possible for anyone outside the marriage to really know.

For example, in marriages where there's "never a cross word" , is that because one partner always defers to the other?

Some unhappy couples are very good at putting on a sow for the outside world. One of the "happiest" couples I know have both had relationships outside the marriage, but they've stayed together for a very long time and have a good life.

I think the truth is, even the best marriages have ups and downs.

My parents. They got together as teenagers and have been married 40 years this year. They are so in love. I want a relationship like theirs but fear I’ll never get it.

Been married to DH for 24 years. Known him for 27 years. I am late forties. Dh fifty. We have had some challenges in our marriage over the years but he always makes me laugh. We aren’t hugely romantic BUT Two days ago we went out for dinner- we were having a lovely time and DH took my hands in his and asked me to marry him again. Didn’t expect that. Went to the loos for a little cry. Have faith.

One thing's for sure, if you judge your marriage against the bits you see of others' you're going to be miserable!

I think looking from the outside in never gives a true reflection of a marriage. I can't think of any couple, married or living together who I think are blissfully happy. They just seem like partners who tolerate each others weirdness.

@ElderAve oh for sure! It’s not judging against others at all, but when you’ve read so many threads of women who thought they had perfectly happy marriages which are suddenly upended in the blink of an eye. They had as much confidence in their marriages as I have in mine. It feels naive to be too optimistic.

My parents! They have been married 32 years. They laugh and argue and laugh all the time. Dad still gives mum a snog when he comes in from work. He makes her laugh every single day, and not just a giggle but proper belly laughs. He would do absolutely anything for her, and she for him. They just fit together perfectly. Absolute couple goals, I love seeing them together

I've been married 15 years. Very content! We went through all the bad shit in the early years....his divorce, family court re his daughter, contact centres, my PND, no money, his crappy job etc etc etc.

It was tough but we made it through and now nothing really phases us tbh! We both have our own things that we do separately but still spend a lot of time together.

Things are better than ever atm as I have given up work which was really affecting my mental health. I work with him now which is going well as we get to have lunch together when I'm in the office! It's the simple things!!

My lovely gran and grandad have been married nearly 70 years. They've lived a quiet, unassuming and humble life and have been satisfied with each other and their 'lot' together. They're fantastic advocates for marriage. They still hold hands, sit next to one another and domstrate quiet adoration. My own parents had a crap marriage so only influenced me negatively. My husband and I have been together about 11 years. We love each other, but do have our ups and downs. Life has thrown us challenges and we've stuck together. I couldn't imagine a scenario that would break us as we've stayed strong through so much.

Not one. Plenty who claimed to have great marriages and prided themselves on having built and achieved a long term relationship but I personally wouldn't want to be in any of them. All kinds of abuse going on and always excused as "well marriages take work".

In my experience one of the couple is always getting more out of it than the other. I've never seen a true marriage of equals.

My Granny and a Grandad were married over 60 years. They were much like us, off doing their own thing but getting together in the evening. They were also very blunt with each other as are we!!

@ElderAve a marriage with no ups and downs is probably not realistic (for most) for sure. Ups and downs where a couple get stronger is probably even better than the ‘never a cross word’ types. I’d like to think the best marriages are couples that grow and learn together.

My husband is my soul mate. We make each other laugh and giggle. He is a wonderful father and loving, loyal husband. We’ve known each other for forty years but only been married nearly thirty.

We are friends with other several couples whose marriages are still going strong around the thirty year plus mark. We know they are good marriages as we holiday with them and have done for years.

What they have in common is a belief in the commitment of the vows. None took them lightly or thinking it was for anything but life. They are good people as individuals but enhanced by the marriage. They have fun together, enjoy shared activities, are all tolerant and forgiving. They are intellectually quite well matched too.

They are all fairly well off and I do think that not having to worry about money makes it easier.

My parents, just over 30 years so far. It’s cute, they’re absolutely besotted with each other after all this time. Even during difficult times of our childhood I never heard them fight or argue. They are just perfect together.

My parents met as teenagers and have been married over 40 years. They don't pretend to never argue but it is infrequent and they don't go to bed on them. They've got each others backs through everything and really are best friends.

My Auntie and Uncle are also coming up 40 years and got married at 20. They've certainly had some bumps but worked through them and love each other very much.

@YgritteSnow how sad?

@YgritteSnow accidental question mark

DH and I nearly 20 years and my parents 45. Both marriages have had their issues but my marriage isn’t hard work. Everyone says you have to work at relationships but tbh I don’t have to work that hard. We make each other’s life easier and better, we laugh a lot and we both have lives apart from each other. Of course he annoys the shit out of me at times but he’s a good man and that hasn’t changed over the years. We’re far from a perfect couple but we’re well suited.

I think saying you have to work at a marriage is very true. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together for 8. We were smitten kittens at the beginning and then we had our daughter who is now three and is a firecracker who also hasn’t slept for 3 years 😂 we still love each other very much but the dynamic has definitely changed and things do take more ‘work’ now than before. We must make more of an effort to spend time together even though we’re exhausted, and also get irritated easily but both know when to apologise. We’re very happy but as I say (from my experience) it isn’t simply a fairytale forever you have to work at it.

My Granny and Granda were always gently bickering and taking the mick out each other but they were married for 58 years, together for 63, and he always called her his Princess and brought her a cup of tea in bed in the morning.
My Mum and Dad are always laughing together, always off on some adventure or masterminding some project. It’s nearly 40 years since they first got together.
I hope DH and I are made of the same type of stuff. So far so good