To ask about great marriages you’ve witnessed?

[BuffaloCauliflower]

Either your own or other peoples. Wonderful marriages you’ve seen, and admired, and been inspired by.

I’m fairly recently married to a wonderful DH. I spend a lot of time on these boards and there are no red flags, I have great faith. But my own parents marriage was crap. Not aggressive or anything, they were just badly matched. And I see the fallouts of relationships here so regularly, seemingly happy marriages upended by affairs, disrespect, selfishness. I’ve seen several marriages disintegrate in less than a year recently. It makes me anxious, no matter how wonderful I think my DH is. I look eagerly to the lovely marriages of other family members to give me hope!

I’d love your stories of happiness, commitment, dedication and love. I know they’re out there!

I’ve never witnessed a truly great marriage/long term relationship. However my own marriage is wonderful. We’ve been married 12 years, together 16 years and have know each other for 19 years.

It’s not been easy at all and we have been through some horrendous times. We’re currently going through a bad time and we are exhausted and the unhealthiest we‘ve ever been as a result but we are still crazy about each other, still want to hold hands, still want to be with each other 24/7. We’re a team and that’s what makes it work. And we’re prepared to put the hard work in to keeping it that way.

@bloodywhitecat
@HillAreas

Thanks to both of you. Beautiful stories of lifelong love.

My parents. Married for 64 years and completely devoted. He was still taking her hand and gazing into her eyes right to the end. It was beautiful.

I've seen lots that look great from the outside but I am a lot more cynical these days. Even know the most lovely adorable couple in their 70s, devoted, then the police turned up ... turns out she's been violent for the whole marriage and this time had smashed the patio doors in a rage. Erm ... there went my 'perfect marriage' couple!

I also know a lot where one partner says they are really happy, and the other one is having the latest affair of many, partner oblivious. I suppose that's an interesting area though - after all ... they are both happy!

I thought at first my in laws marriage was strange but the more I thought about it;it made sense.They didn't marry because they were in love;more because she was in her late 20's and he his mid 30's,both still living at home and what would have been considered "left on the shelf".They met through a mutual interest;got on well as friends and both wanted to get married and have kids so they decided to get married and have a family.They came to love one another in a fashion.However they never argued,talked out any issues,FIL treated MIL with dignity and respect.He worked FT and she was a housewife but he helped out by doing the gardening,DIY etc to keep their home in good working order.He did the weekly shop on a Saturday for her and would take his turn to do the after dinner dishes and making cups of tea.He also cared for her when she was ill until she passed away.They were happy in their own way.

My parents are in their late 80s, married 60 years this year. Rock solid marriage. They look after each other and they're just a really great fit. They share some interests but also do other things separately. I love to see them sitting down together to do the crossword. They had tough times when younger (money very tight, and then later my mum's parents and her sister all died from cancer within a few years of each other) but they've had each other's backs all the way through.

My brother has a very strong marriage too, for nearly 30 years now. They are also a great team and have done a terrific job of bringing up their children while both working full-time.

My own marriage is great and has lasted nearly 40 years now. I can't imagine life without my husband. Never met anybody else I get on with as well as I do with him. We are on the same wavelength. Similar sense of humour, many shared interests, same attitudes to most of the big issues of life (religion, politics, money). He has always pulled his weight around the house and more, and has been a fantastic father to our children from birth to now (they're in their 20s). Having him in my life makes me extremely happy.

None of this was guaranteed. My dad's parents had a terrible marriage - his dad was an abusive alcoholic and eventually my gran took the children and left, a very brave and unusual thing to do in the 1940s. My mum's parents had a long and reasonably good marriage, but it was achieved by my lovely meek grandpa accepting from the start that my granny, a woman of extremely strong opinions, would rule the roost and his role was to do what she told him to do. My sil's parents split up when her dad had an affair with her mum's best friend while their children were still very young. My husband's parents were not happily married at all and would have been better off splitting up.

Where you don't have a good role model you have to work it out for yourself. Another area that requires work is learning to negotiate and compromise without letting yourself be constantly overruled, put down, ignored. A relationship of equals is a wonderful thing. Stronger together.

My oldest brother and his wife have been married 25 years, have two grown up children and a lovely little granddaughter. I’m much younger than him and I don’t remember him without her as they got together when I was a baby. They are both genuinely lovely people and are so in love with each other. I absolutely adore them ❤️

I’m also hesitant to make assumptions.

My parents come across socially as a very loving couple but have a terribly dysfunctional relationship. Their main area of compatibility is putting on a good show.

DH and I bicker quite a bit for fun, and tend not to go in for public displays of affection. We’re much better behind closed doors. We rarely pass each other without touching in some way. When we have an actual disagreement we sit down and talk it through thoroughly. The bickering is just tongue in cheek. But I doubt we’re on anyone’s list of great couples.

I agree with a pp who said that comparing yourself to other couples is dangerous. Focus on what’s great in your own marriage.

My grandparents and most of my family. My grandparents had dysfunctional families and their own hardships, loss of jobs (not their fault), stillborn and the death of a baby but they utterly adored one another. My grandmother died just before their 50th anniversary. My granda told my mum that my grandmother had been getting a bit heavy. She was still sitting on his knee 50 years in!!!

I may now be having a small tear xx