To ask about great marriages you’ve witnessed?

[BuffaloCauliflower]

Either your own or other peoples. Wonderful marriages you’ve seen, and admired, and been inspired by.

I’m fairly recently married to a wonderful DH. I spend a lot of time on these boards and there are no red flags, I have great faith. But my own parents marriage was crap. Not aggressive or anything, they were just badly matched. And I see the fallouts of relationships here so regularly, seemingly happy marriages upended by affairs, disrespect, selfishness. I’ve seen several marriages disintegrate in less than a year recently. It makes me anxious, no matter how wonderful I think my DH is. I look eagerly to the lovely marriages of other family members to give me hope!

I’d love your stories of happiness, commitment, dedication and love. I know they’re out there!

My parents. My mum was sexually abused by her father and his friends throughout her childhood. She met and married my dad who stood by her side through horrendous mental illness, he cared for her and refused to walk away despite pressure from all and sundry. He stopped her suicide attempts and saw through her addiction to prescription meds. Sadly he died two years ago but she has surprised us all by keeping going.

My DH was such a wonderful man. We didn't have a perfect marriage because I don't think there is any such thing, but we loved each other dearly and were a great team. We knew each other inside out and rarely argued - we would bicker and I would sometimes lose my shit, but it was never falling out or serious and we never went to bed angry. I was a very lucky woman for 20 years, and for that reason I will never date again - I found my person and now he's gone, but he is in my heart (as well as in a tube on my bookcase!)

Wow I realised I kinda want off topic with my post I didn’t realise you were looking for positive stories 😂

My grandparents are where I would always aim to be at romantically and married. They met when they were late 20s and married at 30 (late for that gen), had MANY adventures especially travel - my grandad had a lovely little lambretta scooter. They loved every moment through their kids and grandkids and still always travelled. They whinged at each other a lot 😂 but they just adored each other. They would often just glance over at each other and wink, or squeeze each other’s hands while walking along.

My grandad sadly passed away 2 years ago at the grand old age of 94. I was there and my grandmother held him and said ‘don’t leave me darling’. It broke me and she is still very much missing him every day.

Sorry to turn a lovely story to a sad ending but I’ve never known true life love it.

True love like it*

@ygrittesnow You may not have seen one. Doesn’t mean they do not exist. We had differences of opinion, conflicting ideas about spending, raising the children, times when we had to compromise because neither could have our best outcome, times when we had to deal with desperate loss and really shitty, unfair circumstances that were not our fault. Through it all, we talked, joked, talked more and compromised. But neither of us ever took advantage or sought to score points against the other. We respected the other’s position, and worked together to find a way through. Because we were adults who cared for each other and what we had was worth more than anything we could have independently. I don’t believe in an afterlife, or in soulmates, really, but when people talk about two souls destined to find each other, well, I think we had that.

My grandparents. Married 63 years until we lost my grandma earlier this month. They had ups and downs, and four kids, but they loved each other. Even when my grandma didn’t know who my grandad was anymore (she had dementia) the love he had for her was overwhelming. It breaks my heart that my grandad has lost her.

Martin and Shirley Kemp were on TV this morning. They’re a lovely couple ❤️

My parents had a terrible marriage but I feel as though I've learnt from their mistakes. I'm married myself to the most wonderful man. We've been together for 11 years. Net when we were teenagers and I still fancy the absolute pants off him.

Aww this is a heartwarming post! My parents were married within 6months of meeting and my mum fell pregnant very shortly after, then me and my sister not long after that! They've been through a hell of a alot, mum had manic depression and was sectioned, she fell ill physically aswel, dad got made redundant around the same time and they lost the house (i was about 8 at this point) and a hell of alot more happened along the way too. they're still together to this day, been married just over 30 years. They're amazing!

Me and my husband have been tigetger since we were 17, practically moved in together straight away, almost 11 years later now and we have been married 2 years in July and we have a son who is 5 in September. Very happy indeed.

I was going to post the same as @ElderAve said.

I raise an eyebrow when you see those old couples on local TV news who have been married for 60 years who say "they've never had a cross word" I find it incredibly hard to believe that over 6 decades, two people have always had the same opinions about everything, and who have never snapped at one another 'through thick and thin'. I always think it is somewhat unhealthy and think one of the couple must just not have any opinions.
To me, when you are together with someone for so long, you have to learn how to work through your disagreements or differences of opinions. You need to learn how to cope when one of you is drained, or even feeling broken. You both ought to change and develop through age and experience. It would be very odd if you were still the same person as you were at 20.
There is a couple at our Church who have been married over 70 years. You can see their love for one another, but they've never been afraid to do things separately and hold their own opinions about things.

I agree @Doingitforhim . There are LOADs of wonderful marriages about. You sound like you have what we have.

Also, DHs grandad had Alzheimer’s and cancer. He didn’t know what way was up in the end. One day I picked DH up from visiting him and he was in tears (I immediately feared the worst).
He told me he had just witnessed his grandad say the following to his gran

• “I don’t know your name but I know I love you”

He died a few weeks later. They were married 67 years.

Forgot to add, both sets of grandparents were married until widowed. My dad is 1 of 7, his dad actually took my nan on whilst pregnant with her 5th kid to a piece of human trash, they went on and had 2 more kids (my dad and an aunt) my grandad had terrible Ms and needed around the clock care the last 20 or so years of his life before he passed about 15 years ago. My nan sadly passed about 6m ago at 92, she never met anyone else but she had an active social life and seemed happy.

My mums parents met young, grandad was in the RAF and gran a nurse. They had 2 losses and didn't think hey could have children then they 5! My mum is the youngest.
Gran had an awful accident when mum was young, left her practically unable to walk, she had to go into a different line of work (I think she still worked in hospitals but fif admin of sorts?)
They had a hell of an interesting life, before my mum came along they spent a couple of years in Japan due to where grandad was based.
He passed suddenly when I was 4, I don't remeber him but mum still speaks very fondly of her dad. My grandma passed a couple of years ago, so outlived grandad by over 20 years.

DH and I have been together for 23 years, since we were 17, and married for 17. There is not a doubt in my mind that we will be together until one of us dies. We have 2 DCs and are TTC no. 3. I’m not sure that there’s a ‘secret’ to a good marriage. We make each other laugh every day, have shared values and a good sex life. We both have busy careers doing things we love and lots of friends.

In some ways I think that we are both very lucky as there are no divorces at all in either of our families so we have had plenty of good role models to live up to. His parents have just celebrated their golden wedding and my parents were happily married until my dad’s early death. We have happily married grandparents, aunts and uncles and siblings too.

Believe in your marriage and give it everything you’ve got.

My grandparents, they went through the war together and built an amazing life. They’ve never argued and always been just so wonderful with one another. They’ve been married that long they got a telegram from the queen.

My brother has a really happy marriage. They have 3 young kids, work hard and are really happy and content with their life just as it is. It's just so lovely to see them together - they treat each other with respect, have a laugh and bounce off each other. It makes me so proud as our father cut contact when myself and siblings when we were toddlers.

Me and DH have been married 40 years and are very happy and still very much in love. We hold hands all the time and cuddle. He makes me laugh just about every day and is always doing little nice things for me like bringing me a cup of tea in bed, getting into bed first to warm my side of the bed for me.

We have had our ups and downs and plenty of arguments but we are both shouters who say our piece and then it is all over and we are laughing and joking again.

I really don't feel as though I have ever had to "work" are our marriage and I asked DH if he did and said no.

He is my best friend and I am his. I would far rather spend time with him than anyone else.

We share a lot of the same interests but, I think more importantly, share the same views on marriage, infidelity etc.

My grandparents. Granddad is now 80, nana is almost 88. They’ve been together 76 years and will be celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary in the spring.

I can’t speak about the years of their marriage I haven’t witnessed, I believe it was more fiery then. However, they just seem to have so much respect for each other. They take pleasure in the small things and still deeply enjoy each other’s company.

*grabddad is now 90! Not 80!

In my experience one of the couple is always getting more out of it than the other. I've never seen a true marriage of equals

This

I’m in my fifties and cant think of any. Mainly, people seem to be together because of finances, because of the children or because they simply dont feel they can upset the applecart by leaving.

I know one couple where the man has a series of mistresses, another where the wife treats the husband as a slave. Another where the husband treats the wife as a domestic appliance. Another where the husband gets drunk and buggers off on ‘lads’ weekends’ abroad every month or triathlons every weekend, leaving her with the children. Another where the husband hasnt worked for twenty years but wont do childcare and monopolises their only car. My sister recently confided that she’d lime to leave her husband and my parents stayed together due to religious beliefs (Catholic).

I hear both neighbours yelling or arguing frequently too. Everyone just seems to tolerate their partner because theyre unable to leave.

Not married but my uncle and aunt have been married for years and were so, so in love and were 100% eachothers soulmates.
He passed away a couple of years ago unfortunately 😢

There have been a few at church - elderly couples.
Both we're just so lovely and have lovely children who made happy marriages to(from the outside).
I remember my husband asking how one of the old boys how to have a happy marriage- never let the sunset on an argument. Not something that is always possible

Been married 10 years, we have been through some tough times & def argued but what hasn't broken us has made us stronger (cliche I know!).

He is an utter wind up merchant & his workmates often ask how I out up with him :-D in all honesty, I have my own version of selective hearing & I suppose we love each other too Haha

@NightsOfCabiria I certainly don't "tolerate"my DH. I love him to bits.

We haven't stayed together because of finances or because of children. Wisely we chose not to have any which has helped, I believe, in having such a happy marriage.

I would say ours is a marriage of equals.

I know a few couples that seem to have happy and equal marriages. Mainly child free couples, all first marriages and married at least 25 years.

Quite a few happy marriages in my family too. Parents married over 67 years, siblings both married over 35 years, 2 lots of aunts and uncles married over 50 years, 3 cousins married over 25 years. All first marriages too. The only divorce in my family is one of my cousins

From what Ive seen Lynsey91, you and your family are very lucky and I agree with you about the child-free issue, children put a huge strain on relationships.

My own marriage. I really do have an amazing lady as my wife.

Whilst some would say we haven't been married that long (21 years this year), she really is the best. I've had a few health issues over the years and now live with severe Rheumatoid Arthritis, which can really limit me. She has never once complained and has been right beside me through all the bad times, I can honestly say, without her I wouldn't be here now.

We are a brilliant team and I love her just as much now as when we first got married.

Add to this two boys (teenagers!!) who to me are the best, for me it couldn't be better.