Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Not sure if IABU or not, opinions please??

97 replies

wasthataburp · 20/02/2020 19:49

Basically no idea if I am BU in thinking that this strange.

PILs gave us their old sofas about 6 years ago when they got new ones.

We just bought a new sofa and therefore put the old ones on Gumtree. Got collected the other night and buyer paid £100. Fast forward to today and MIL went looking through our drawers for the money and took it.

I think this is a bit weird considering they gave us the sofas, it's basically saying no I actually let you borrow them until they were sold.

Do you think this is a bit of weird behaviour or would you have taken the money like they did?

OP posts:

messolini9 · 21/02/2020 12:13

it's not up to you to just sell something that's been gifted

Why are so many PP's having comprehension difficulties with the word "gift"?

Of course it's up to OP.
She owned the sofas. She can do what she likes with them.

HomeMadeMadness · 21/02/2020 12:15

it's not up to you to just sell something that's been gifted

Of course it is. Politeness would dictate that you don't sell gifts immediately after having been given them, but unless it was a loan not a gift then it's yours to pass on after you're done with it.

messolini9 · 21/02/2020 12:18

but selling sofas that are more than 6 years old and you didn't even buy?

?????
Is there a law that states before going on Gumtree you have to prove that you paid cash for the item you are selling? That you cannot sell anything that you received as a present?
What weird arbitrary nonsense is this?
& what has 6 years old (plus! as they were not new 6 years ago) got to do with anything? - clearly the sofas were still desirable, somebody bought them!

TheReef · 21/02/2020 12:25

So she could be helping herself to the kids piggy banks and you'd have no way of knowing as you don't know what they put in there?

This has got to be a wind up

choirmumoftwo · 21/02/2020 12:26

I've got an even better one. Many years ago, sibling couldn't afford new sofas so DM loaned the money which was never paid back (they have form for this). Fast forward several years when parents separate and sibling is buying new sofas. DF asked if he could have old sofas for his new flat to which the answer was "how much are you going to give me for them"? He politely declined!
Unfortunately you can't reason with people who act like that.

choirmumoftwo · 21/02/2020 12:27

And I don't think YABU by the way, on several levels.

CalamityJune · 21/02/2020 12:29

I don't think YABU to sell the sofas. They could have gone to the trouble of selling them themselves if they were bothered.

I'm often the recipient of hand me down clothes and toys for which I am expected to be grateful for. I've started to see that some people see it as an easy way to have a clear out and make unwanted items someone else's problem, whilst feeling really great and generous.

I've had problems trying to give things away to charity before, including clothes and furniture. I sell on Ebay from time to time but that can also be a faff and no guarantee it will sell.

Cherrysoup · 21/02/2020 12:31

So weird. Why did you just let her without saying anything? No way would I have let her take it, it would have been in my purse anyway.

redastherose · 21/02/2020 12:33

YANBU. If they were a gift then they were yours to use, or sell. If they were loaned to you then PIL should have made that clear that at any time they could ask for them back.

The biggest issue here is not that she says they were loaned and you were under the impression that they were given freely to you, it is that she feels entitled to go through your things.

Next time she opens a single draw tell her to stop and physically close the draw. If she refuses to stop doing this make a point of going to her house and start rooting through her things. She is disrespecting you and your husband in your own home.

Also the piggy bank thing is just odd. Its like saying she doesn't trust you to put the money in there and keeping secret what the amount is is odd as well. Like PP's said I would know to the penny what was in the piggy bank beforehand and deliberately find out how much (little) was being put in and make a point of thanking her for the precise amount. It may seem petty but she is walking all over you both.

smittenkittennn · 21/02/2020 12:52

Add me to the list of re people who don't understand that a gift is a gift and the recipient can sell/bin/whatever the property as it belongs to the recipient. Not sure if it's the case in the UK, but in the US the only gift you're required to return is an engagement ring if you don't actually get married. Otherwise there's no take-backs!

OldEvilOwl · 21/02/2020 12:58

Omg she's probably taking money out of the money boxes, not putting it in! Don't you ever open them to see what's inside? And why has she even got access to them? Sounds like she's got free reign of your home. She's probably got a key too hasn't she? You need to put your foot down OP

SudokuQueen · 21/02/2020 13:04

?????
Is there a law that states before going on Gumtree you have to prove that you paid cash for the item you are selling? That you cannot sell anything that you received as a present?
What weird arbitrary nonsense is this?
& what has 6 years old (plus! as they were not new 6 years ago) got to do with anything? - clearly the sofas were still desirable, somebody bought them!

I actually love how upset you got over a simple comment. 😂 Where did I say it was illegal or there was a law? 😂

I said it's a bit cheeky to sell sofas that are over 6 years old and that they paid no money for. Yeah it was a gift, they can do what they want, but it's still cheeky. Obviously someone bought them, there is generally a buyer for anything for sale. Still doesn't make it right, I'd have just given them away or to charity.

And the age does have something to do with it. Unless they rarely used the couches or maintained them a lot (both unlikely since they bought new ones) then the sofas will be very obviously used and old. I imagine someone, like you, will be along now to say their 20 year old couch looks as good as new. I'm afraid all I can say to that is beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but they will not look brand new to anyone else.

But hey you carry on getting all huffy about stuff people on the Internet say. It's giving me great amusement. 😁

dontgobaconmyheart · 21/02/2020 13:09

Tbh I'd have given her the money anyway or at least offered it .Profiting off the free sofas she very kindly gave you is a bit CF. Obviously they were yours if she gifted them but that wouldn't sit right with me.

Going through your drawers and taking money without a request for it or a conversation is batshit though and I would have a word. Weird you all sat there and said nothing.

messolini9 · 21/02/2020 15:17

& I love how you're reading "upset" into bewilderment @SudokuQueen ...

And the age does have something to do with it. Unless they rarely used the couches or maintained them a lot (both unlikely since they bought new ones) then the sofas will be very obviously used and old.
And ..?
How is the age material? OP wanted to sell. Somebody wanted to buy. What's that got to do with whether the MiL shoudl have gone rootling through OP's drawers looking for the purchase money?

SudokuQueen · 21/02/2020 15:38

@messolini9

Yeah I get upset from your post, otherwise why would you just start rabbiting on about laws and other stuff I didn't say?

Although it's clear you didn't read my post in the slightest other than taking offence at something you took way out of context. I never said its the main issue or that the mil taking the money isn't the main problem. I asked first of all why they just stood there and allowed her to do it.

What I said next was that I think they were wrong to sell it. Yeah it was a gift, but it would have been better to give away or give to a charity shop.

I would suggest you read someone's post better next time, rather than just jumping on one thing and running with it. You are over reacting a lot for something that doesn't even involve you personally. Calm down, this story could be fake for all we know. Probably is, can't quite believe someone would just stand and watch as someone else took their money and say nothing at all.

ActualHornist · 21/02/2020 23:41

God, the amount of people on this thread that would offer money for a six year old gift of second hand couches . Bet you all wouldn’t dream of asking for any of the baby stuff back that you lent to a friend and found being sold on eBay either?!

@SudokuQueen why would it have been better to charity shop or give away? Why is it wrong to sell it? I don’t understand why you think that?

SudokuQueen · 22/02/2020 09:12

@ActualHornist
You're not actually asking what is the benefit of giving it to a charity shop or someone in need are you?

I don't think it makes op look good. They are happy to take things when they are in need but not give things away when they no longer are. They could have 'paid' forward the charity if you see what I mean? You get a little and you give back when you can. It's about being a decent human being, helping others out when you can. They were happy to take the help, but not happy to give it. Seems a bit sad really to not think of others. But not many people do now.

1066vegan · 22/02/2020 10:08

@SudukoQueen Very well put. Totally agree with your post. People might have the legal right to sell on things that they've been given; that doesn't mean that it's the decent thing to do.

OscarWildesCat · 22/02/2020 10:34

Personally I wouldn't have sold something which was given to me.

ActualHornist · 22/02/2020 13:42

@SudokuQueen

No. I’m asking why you think it’s wrong to sell it rather than charity shop it. Which is what you said in your post yesterday.

I wouldn’t have asked if you’d clarified that it’s because you would personally rather be charitable.

SudokuQueen · 22/02/2020 13:56

@ActualHornist

But surely its obvious why I'm saying give it away or to a charity? It benefits someone else, who is in need? Why take money for something that is that old and you didn't even buy? Why not be charitable?

ActualHornist · 22/02/2020 14:21

Yes it’s obvious with your clarification that you think it is the right thing to do.

It’s not obvious when your comment was: What I said next was that I think they were wrong to sell it. Yeah it was a gift, but it would have been better to give away or give to a charity shop

I’m not disagreeing that it’s the more altruistic choice. But that doesn’t make it wrong. In my opinion of course.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread