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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure if IABU or not, opinions please??

97 replies

wasthataburp · 20/02/2020 19:49

Basically no idea if I am BU in thinking that this strange.

PILs gave us their old sofas about 6 years ago when they got new ones.

We just bought a new sofa and therefore put the old ones on Gumtree. Got collected the other night and buyer paid £100. Fast forward to today and MIL went looking through our drawers for the money and took it.

I think this is a bit weird considering they gave us the sofas, it's basically saying no I actually let you borrow them until they were sold.

Do you think this is a bit of weird behaviour or would you have taken the money like they did?

OP posts:
WinterCat · 21/02/2020 11:20

That’s weird and rude of her.

I have a policy that anything that is given to me, I give to someone else or donate to charity. Reading things like this make me remember why I’m glad I do that not that I can imagine PIL giving us sofas.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 21/02/2020 11:23

She sounds like she is a sandwich short of a picnic to be honest.
If I were you, the next time you see her I would have to find a way to introduce what she does into conversation - why did she think she had the right to go through your drawers (not draws as some people have called them - sorry that's a little annoyance of my own there) and take the money and also why doesn't she just give the children money for their holidays, what is all the song and dance routine about putting it into their piggy bank about. Thinking about it, you could have a 'holiday fund' piggy bank and leave that out each time MiL shows up and hide the other one. That way you'll know how much (or little) she is giving them.
Definitely nip this behaviour in the bud sooner rather than later.

GabriellaMontez · 21/02/2020 11:45

I would have just cringed too. That's awful. Especially after 6 years!

But going through your drawers is disgusting and I'd struggle to let that go.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 21/02/2020 11:48

I still don't understand how this just happened. How would she have known the money she was taking was from the sofas? If you just keep money randomly in a drawer, it could have been from anything. I can't imagine ever just watching someone take £100 of my money and LET them.

Also, it was given to you and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. You don't get to give with conditions, unless it was stated before hand.

CareBear50 · 21/02/2020 11:48

Your MIL is an absolute melter. Total and utter melter!

However I think you should have offered the £100 to them or, s someone else mentioned, asked them round for a takeaway dinner using the £100 to pay for it.

However, your mil was totally out of order

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 21/02/2020 11:49

A gift is just that - it ceased to be your MIL's property and became yours to do whatever you wished with.
It sounds like you need to establish some boundaries with MIL. Even if she asked if the money was in the drawer, she had no right to go and take it from them. I"m pretty sure that she must overstep the mark with other behaviours if she is happy to do this.

Dies she also have a key to your home?

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 21/02/2020 11:50

*Does not dies. Sorry.

Mia1415 · 21/02/2020 11:50

If anyone came in my house and went through my draws they wouldn't be coming back in my house again. Family or not.

AlwaysCheddar · 21/02/2020 11:52

That’s disgusting behaviour. Ask for it back.

Bluntness100 · 21/02/2020 11:53

That’s quite odd behaviour.

The piggy bank is easy to resolve though, just check after she’s put money in.

puds11 · 21/02/2020 11:55

That’s very odd. If you give something to someone it is then their property. If there are conditions to the gift the person should be told upfront so they can decide if they want to accept it.

puds11 · 21/02/2020 11:56

Lol if she never actually puts money in the piggy bank and it’s all just an elaborate ruse 🤣

AryaStarkWolf · 21/02/2020 11:56

YANBU but I'd probably not say anything as it's his mother, I'd let him if he wanted to. Not worth the hassle of a fall out over 100 quid. I would think she was an asshole though

messolini9 · 21/02/2020 11:57

That's theft report her

Oh, get real @Stressedout10.

JKScot4 · 21/02/2020 11:57

Have you never opened the piggy banks?
You all sound odd 🙄

messolini9 · 21/02/2020 12:01

Report her theft

Here we go again.
For starters, there has been no theft.
Husband saw mother looking for the money, said "are you taking the money?", mother said "yes" & nobody inytervened or disputed.

Also - you'd report your husband's mother for "theft"? Seriously? Instead of saying "no", or having a conversation?

SudokuQueen · 21/02/2020 12:01

You just watched her take the money? Wow. Confused

Well if you wanted her to know you're a pushover that's the way to do it.

I don't think you should have sold them though. Gifted to a charity or just gave them away, but selling sofas that are more than 6 years old and you didn't even buy? Bit of cfery on both sides.

Bumblesbumbles · 21/02/2020 12:01

The drawer part is very odd but I also think you should have either given the sofa to someone else or given her the money

HomeMadeMadness · 21/02/2020 12:03

It's not theft but it's definitely weird. If she felt she should get a share of the money she should have asked but after 6 years she should have definitely let it go (I could understand if you sold them straight after being given them).

messolini9 · 21/02/2020 12:06

You should have told her you were selling them and offered half (or all) of the money

Why?
They were given 6 years ago, because PiL's had new, & obviously no need to keep their old ones.
When does a freely given gift need accounting for to its giver?

If I gave you a bicycle, @notanotherjigsawpiece - I have given it to you. You can ride it, lend it to a friend, wrap it up in ribbon & give it to someone else, take it on holiday to Timbuctoo, & yes - sell it on.
At no stage in any decision you might make about the bicycle do you need to consult me - I no longer own it, I gave it to you.

MiL is being selfish & ludicrous, but frankly - OP & DH stood by like limp lettuces & let it happen. I'd hazard the sofas are not the main issue here.

HeronLanyon · 21/02/2020 12:07

Too many really strange things here !

  1. Why did your mil think she could go through drawers at your house?
  2. Why did she think there would be cash in a drawer?
  3. Why do you leave piggy banks where she can meddle with them ?
  4. Basically why on earth are your finances anything to do with her?
  5. Why would she have known you had sold them and for how much?
I can’t get over the above. She sounds a snooper and interfering. I think if it had been me I might well have offered them something maybe even 50%. What you sold them for is nothing to do with them. What a nightmare. You do sound as though you have allowed this though. If you let her into your house to riffle through drawers for money that isn’t hers then you are majorly to blame and can’t really complain surely ? It also is not theft - ‘ an element is dishonesty. Her defence would be complete - you the owner (presumably not under duress/fear) said nothing.
messolini9 · 21/02/2020 12:08

You give a friend a dress. A while later she says "you know that dress you gave me? Flogged it for £100!" I think anyone would feel a bit miffed at that.

Not me.
If I give you something, it becomes yours.
Why would I be "miffed" that you got a nice bit of cash instead?

Notajogger · 21/02/2020 12:09

Yes that's odd of her. I would probably have been to surprised to say anything in your position too

Piggy banks - just empty them before she comes, put the cash elsewhere or deposit into bank - if she asks you can say it was getting full/you were going to the bank so thought you'd deposit it/whatever. It'll be obvious from the sound that it's empty tho so perhaps she'll be less of a CF on that issue at least!!

messolini9 · 21/02/2020 12:09

I'd go to hers, find it and take it back

Sure you would ... Confused

windycuntryside · 21/02/2020 12:12

What an odd response from an otherwise decent person, is she usually decent?
If not then you need to set up and maintain boundaries in future. Lesson learnt, next time she offers anything, pay something or ask is this mine for keeps or am I borrowing it like the sofa??
Honestly some people (like my own family!) are amazingly entitled.

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