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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure if IABU or not, opinions please??

97 replies

wasthataburp · 20/02/2020 19:49

Basically no idea if I am BU in thinking that this strange.

PILs gave us their old sofas about 6 years ago when they got new ones.

We just bought a new sofa and therefore put the old ones on Gumtree. Got collected the other night and buyer paid £100. Fast forward to today and MIL went looking through our drawers for the money and took it.

I think this is a bit weird considering they gave us the sofas, it's basically saying no I actually let you borrow them until they were sold.

Do you think this is a bit of weird behaviour or would you have taken the money like they did?

OP posts:
Original poster
wasthataburp · 20/02/2020 20:44

@Bluetrews25 haha love that

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 20/02/2020 20:45

Wow! You and your husband must both have welcome written across your foreheads to just sit back and let yourselves be walked on by her

Thehop · 20/02/2020 20:46

I always give away what I’m given

But she’s weird to go through your drawers

Original poster
wasthataburp · 20/02/2020 20:48

@Thehop I really don't know anyone that would have wanted them which Is why they were put on gumtree. Usually if I sell anything on there we would put the money in the kids piggy banks

OP posts:
Frenchw1fe · 20/02/2020 20:51

Well I would be mentally crossing her from my birthday and Christmas list. At least until I’d made up the £100.

ShirleyPhallus · 20/02/2020 20:53

Think it’s a bit cheeky that you sold them and didn’t offer them any of the money

But you also need to grow a backbone if she went enough your drawers and just took the money and neither of you said anything

1066vegan · 20/02/2020 21:02

It was cheeky of her to assume that you eould give her the money and completely out if order to go rifling through your drawers.

But I do think it was odd for you to make money out of something that you had been given. I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing that; if I didn't know anyone who wanted it I would have put it on freecycle.

Thehop · 20/02/2020 21:11

@wasthataburp if I give something away I’ve given it away. It belongs to that person! I think most grandparents would not have behaved like your MiL! And most would have preferred it go in piggy banks.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 20/02/2020 21:14

Are you sure it wasn’t a follow on from a conversation your dh had with her?

ActualHornist · 20/02/2020 21:16

Yeah of course she’s going to report her MIL Hmm Honestly.

It’s weird, YANBU at all to find it weird. I’d ask you DH go ask her when she’s paying back the storage fee for those sofas as she clearly didn’t consider them yours.

I think it’s beyond weird that some people think it odd that selling something six years after receiving as a second hand gift that you should offer to pay the original owner for it?!

whatshouldicallme · 20/02/2020 21:21

Hmm YANBU, that's bizarre! I don't even think it was out of order for you to sell it, you used them for 6 years it's not as if you took it from them just to make a profit off of it a few weeks later and then not share. I think your behaviour was totally acceptable, her's totally rude!

Charis1503 · 20/02/2020 21:34

Totally out of order for her to go through your draws??!!

However, (being devils advocate) , I would have certainly have offerd her all or half the money before you sold them. This situation would never have occured...

From personal experience I passed on a big bag of baby clothes to a friend as she was complaing of having little spare cash... she gradually sold them all on facebook ( he never wore them and he hadnt outgrown them!) and he was constantly dressed in brand new clothes from Next. Angry whilst i did give them to her, it was on the understanding she was short of money- i had plenty of other friends i could have gifted them too. But like you said you kept them for 6 years-she cant havr been expecting you to keep them forever??

Id make a sly comment asking what she plans to do with thr money as you were intending to give to charity!!

People are funny creatures!!

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 20/02/2020 21:41

That’s very odd behaviour from your mil. I would have been pissed off too with her going through your drawers and taking the money. Yanbu to think she should not have done that. It’s sounds like your dh was shocked too. I think she just assumed it was for her as they were their sofas. If she had wanted the money, why didn’t she just say?

Original poster
wasthataburp · 20/02/2020 21:44

@Mamato2gorgeousboys yeah or actually sold them to us when they first gave them to us.

OP posts:
SpencerReidsMistress · 20/02/2020 22:05

Wouldn't even let MIL back in my house. How dare she go through your things. Plus yes, I would tell every family member and at the same time be having words with her about her behavior and why she is no longer allowed in my home.

Original poster
wasthataburp · 21/02/2020 10:35

Another thing she does which I find a little peculiar is that if she's giving the kids money for Xmas or bdays she won't put it in a card like most people but she won't let us see how much she's giving them and puts it directly into their piggy banks. Never says how much it was or anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
wasthataburp · 21/02/2020 10:39

My kids and aged 1 and 2 so it's not like she tells them how much she's given either

OP posts:
LolaDarkdestroyer · 21/02/2020 10:42

Regardless of everything else you should have given her the money, or at least asked her what she wanted you to do with the sofas it's not up to you to just sell something that's been gifted....as for her just taking the money that's bad.

RedskyAtnight · 21/02/2020 10:45

I think you should have offered at least some of the money to MIL.

I think you all should have talked about who got the money before the sofas were sold.

It's odd of her to just take it out of your drawers.

I can't believe that people are suggesting you should report her for theft.
How would that work exactly? You sat and watched her take the money, that she thought was hers, and at no point did you say anything, thereby confirming her opinion that it was hers. I'm sure the police will rush to prosecute on that basis Hmm

Hepsibar · 21/02/2020 10:47

Unbelievable behaviour! Certainly something to weave into future family tales and histories!

A warning for now. Dont discuss money with her and dont leave any around!

MumW · 21/02/2020 10:50

puts it directly into their piggy banks. Never says how much it was or anything.
That's weird but easy to resolve.
Count how much is in the piggy bank before she arrives and count it again after she's left. Send a thank you note/text "Thank you for the £x you gave BabyBurp for Xmas, we'll put it in their savings account/spend it on such&such"

MumW · 21/02/2020 10:52

I'd also be getting my DH to tell her that she overstepped the mark and she is to stop rootling through your things.

Ponoka7 · 21/02/2020 10:55

You were entitled to sales commission and the expense of any cleaning of the sofas that you did. So half way split would have been fair. If she is that much of a money grabber.

If you'd have had a charity collect them, would she have demanded money? Has your DH said that they've always been weired around money?

I'd be viewing them differently.

Whynosnowyet · 21/02/2020 10:55

Bet you find some 2p's in there op...

RedskyAtnight · 21/02/2020 11:17

You were entitled to sales commission and the expense of any cleaning of the sofas that you did.

They had 6 years free use of the sofas! Perhaps MIL is "entitled" to claim that back as well Hmm ?

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