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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think checkout lady was being OTT about alcohol and child?

445 replies

Potkettlexx · 20/02/2020 15:02

In supermarket yesterday with DD 7. DD struggles at school so I let her help with shopping to get her used to the concept.

Bought some bread and small gift pack bottle baileys £5 for in-laws bday.

Got DD to scan the gift box and the bread and press the correct buttons etc... (dd Aldo has some sensory and coordination difficulties so again it helps this doing practical things)

DD wanted to pay with my card so I told her what buttons to press and gave her the card to tap on card reader. Dd didn’t really understand so I just gently took it from her and tapped my card myself.

Before I took over, dd was trying and the woman supervising the self service tills piled up ‘ohh you’ll have to be the one that pats with the card’ or something to that affect.

I was thinking.... for real?!

I get that they need to be very careful when selling alcohol....

I get that a 15 year old can look 18....

I get that an 18 year old could be potentially buying it for younger friends....

I get that they could be disciplined if they were willingly selling alcohol to under 18’s....

But for goodness sake, surely common sense would say she really didn’t need to say that under the circumstances.

After all, the reason the sale of alcohol is forbidden to under 18’s is incase they drink it and quite right.

That’s not the same as the this situation. It was clearly evident I was the one ‘buying it’ and giving my consent. Does she honestly think I was planning on giving it to my 7 year old?! 🙄

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 20/02/2020 16:37

I do see what you mean, OP, from a common-sense POV, but I've worked in retail and IME managers can be serious jobsworths/petty dictators and apply the absolute letter of the rules rather than common sense. It's not worth risking the wrath of a retail boss, much less your job, over.

YesPleaseMary · 20/02/2020 16:39

The cashier was correct.
Test purchases from the licensing board happen frequently, shops and staff have to stick to the law no matter how ludicrous it seems to you because most of us don’t have a spare five grand to stump up for making an illegal sale.
I once refused a sale to a woman who was buying strawberry cider. She was with her son who could’ve been under 18. I asked him for ID, he didn’t have any so I refused the sale. Well she went off her trolley at me, shouting it wasn’t for him, he’s over 18, it’s ridiculous, you’re suggesting I’m a bad mother (wtf??), I’m going to complain and so on. People don’t understand we have to treat all groups the same, whether it’s a group of teens or a family, because it has the potential to be a proxy sale. If alcohol is being bought we have to “Think 25” and ask for ID if there is any doubt.
I do agree that there is a weird grey area about parents with children though which I think the law needs to consider:
Parent with 10 year old, buys a bottle of whisky - probably not going to give it to the child. Do we refuse?
Parent with older teen buys a bottle of cheap cider - who knows? I would ask teen for ID and refuse if underage or no ID.

sunglasses123 · 20/02/2020 16:40

My son says often the supermarket IS a playground. Kids running around and last week a child ran around a corner straight into the corner of a trolley and banged their eye. The parent wanted the branch manager out to come and resolve as she claimed the adult shopper wasnt looking where they were going!

He has plenty of tales around the entitled, the snotty, the people (especially women over the age of 60 apparently!) who look down on you, the people who think they know more about retail than the senior management in the store and last by not least - the people who come into the store at 2055 when the store closes at 2100 and refuse to be rushed.

cologne4711 · 20/02/2020 16:41

If there’s a secret shopper or just a regular customer who is concerned about underage drinking they can report back that not everyone is being ID checked

But in the UK you don't have to check everyone, you have to check those who "appear" to be under 25 (and that's a policy, not the law). Whether someone looks over 25 or not is massively subjective. So in that case the law and its application is a nonsense and you can't report someone for not checking ID if they were 24 but a mystery shopper decided they looked 15 but the shop assistant thought they looked their age.

However, in the OP's case the law is not a nonsense. A 7 year old is very clearly under age and may not buy alcohol.

As I said, the OP was lucky to get it at all. Someone with less common sense might have refused to sell it at all at that point.

Davincitoad · 20/02/2020 16:41

Technically your child was trying to buy the alcohol so YABU!

plunkplunkfizz · 20/02/2020 16:42

What’s the word for a reverse jobsworth like the OP?

cologne4711 · 20/02/2020 16:43

I do agree that there is a weird grey area about parents with children though which I think the law needs to consider

Yes having read about it here on here, if I am out with ds and want to buy a bottle of wine (for me!) I tell him to go out of the shop while I buy it.

TheMemoryLingers · 20/02/2020 16:44

Again, the only way would be if I gave dd the alcohol to drink.

If your DD is 7 it would be perfectly legal for her to drink alcohol in your home.

Not necessarily responsible, safe or healthy - but legal.

DieSchottin93 · 20/02/2020 16:44

YABU. I remember when I worked in a small Co-op type shop my colleague had to tell a lady that her young granddaughter wasn't allowed to hand over lottery tickets for us to check because she was under 16. It does sound daft but unfortunately shops have to be really careful about this sort of thing.

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 20/02/2020 16:44

It's not only about the illegal sale of alcohol.

Just because children want to tap payment cards or enter an adult's pin doesn't mean adults have to indulge them.

Your bank will take a dim view.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 20/02/2020 16:45

Your child shouldn't have even scanned the alcohol, let alone tried paying for it. Yes it was for you but legally that's, well, illegal. And as for the PP who thinks their child should be allowed to fill their car up with petrol Hmm

Common sense seems to be somewhat lacking for some people on this thread

Original poster
Potkettlexx · 20/02/2020 16:46

@FlamingoAndJohn

No I didn’t miss the bit where she said she could get sacked.

That’s irrelevant to the fact the goddaughter knows for sure a person is over 18 (as she was at school with them) yet still asks for ID every time. That rule is absolutely ridiculous too. Makes no sense whatsoever

OP posts:
mantarays · 20/02/2020 16:47

She legally cannot sell alcohol to your 7 year old.

Sonichu · 20/02/2020 16:47

We have these threads weekly. She HAS to say it because she cannot accept payment from a child even if it is under parental supervision. Crazy? Probably. But it's the law.

sunglasses123 · 20/02/2020 16:47

Or the people who demand that you sell them more than 2 packs of paracetamol because after all they are in real pain!

One women told my son she would buy 2 and then immediately buy another 2. He refused the sale. She then said she would find another till. Some people just dont give up do they! He spoke to a supervisor and she spoke to the women. The customer then said she would buy them from another store.

The thing is that rule is there to ensure our safety and to make us think how much pain killer IS in each pack. It really really isnt there to annoy you and I think you would be surprised how many people dont think the same product is in Lemsip!

HuskyloverI · 20/02/2020 16:48

I was visiting my DD, who is at Uni in another town and I had booked a hotel room nearby. I went to Tesco with her, to buy some snacks and a bottle of wine for the room (for me). The cashier wanted ID from my DD, so I explained the wine was for me. I was about 47 at the time, and DD was about 20, but crucially did not have any ID with her. The cashier sought advice from colleagues, who debated the issue for a good 10 minutes, and they did then let me buy the wine. The things that stood out for me were:

  1. If they didn't let me buy it, I'd just ask DD to go to the car, and then I'd use a different check out.
  1. They would never have challenged me, if my DD had been a toddler/child.
  1. Had my DD actually been a minor and I was going to buy her some booze, I'd not take her in with me!

Seemed overly cautious!

okiedokieme · 20/02/2020 16:48

I've been stopped buying alcohol until my dd (18) produces id despite the fact it was for me, she hates red wine! It's a bit annoying but it's the law, no exceptions. Thankfully in my case I know lots of the staff at Morrison's and they are fine with me sending dd to the car with the rest of the shopping then going through on my own, they know I'm not a mystery shopper!

SoupDragon · 20/02/2020 16:50

No I didn’t miss the bit where she said she could get sacked.

That’s irrelevant to the fact the goddaughter knows for sure a person is over 18 (as she was at school with them) yet still asks for ID every time. That rule is absolutely ridiculous too. Makes no sense whatsoever

FFS! It is completely relevant! What part of "you must check ID for those who appear under 25" do you not understand? It's really quite clear.

Herringbone31 · 20/02/2020 16:50

The server will get PERSONALLY fined £5000. We have to personally pay this

Pisses me off when people get up on their goat about this

You want your kid to buy the alcohol? You pay the fine and have the criminal record yeah?!?

Yeah right. YABU.

sunglasses123 · 20/02/2020 16:51

Pot - are you really not getting what people are saying?? You were in the wrong here. From your responses you seem to think you arent and that the assistant should have allowed you to 'play' shops.

Herringbone31 · 20/02/2020 16:51

You don’t have to just give her It to drink either to break the law

Her tapping the card to buy it is illegal!!! It comes with a prison fine for some and we pay up to £5000!!!

Cotswolds10 · 20/02/2020 16:52

OP, what exactly is your AIBU? You accept that the employee was simply observing the law and therefore fulfilling her statutory obligation. So she is NBU.

So what are you saying is unreasonable? If you are saying that the law is unreasonable because it should allow staff in shops to exercise common sense and apply this law with flexibility, how would you like it to be phrased within the statute books? How do you see it being re-worded so as not to leave the law open to abuse and put vulnerable young people under 18 at higher risk?

MimiLaRue · 20/02/2020 16:53

You are being unreasonable. The cashier was following the rules of her eomployment. Its easy for you to say she should have done it anyway- are YOU going to pay her rent and mortgage., bills, food, travel costs if she gets fired for it? No?- then you're 100% in the wrong.

Louiselouie0890 · 20/02/2020 16:54

How are you not getting it? They cannot let your daughter buy alcohol, period no ifs or buts its the law

BookWitch · 20/02/2020 16:55

@okiedokieme I said earlier in this thread, I was doing a food shop with DD18 yesterday and she didn't have her ID. I sent her to wait by the car as I couldn't risk not being able to get the wine Grin

This is an example of the OP asking AIBU

Everyone says YES YABU!

OP ignores responses and just keeps stating her case. I don't know if she is just being a bit thick not understanding that the retailers HAVE to ask for ID, or refuse to sell, regardless of who they think the alcohol is for, or whether the OP is one of those "the rules don't apply to my dd because she is having fun playing shop"
Either way..... OP is being VVVVVVU