Ex husband being unreasonable??

[ILikePaperHats]

My ex has had a go at me because I booked train tickets over the Easter holidays to take me and the kids to see their granny (my DM) in Devon and didn't tell him the dates before I booked them. (I told him straight afterwards) Note that I made sure I would be back before the Easter weekend so he gets to spend time with the kids then. Apparently his fiancée can't take that week off work and he is annoyed with me for not checking first. I think he's being really unreasonable as surely I should be allowed to take my own kids to see their granny when I like in the holidays and not have to be dictated by him? We're only going for 5 nights. I'd appreciate if you all could let me know who is being unreasonable here.

Wouldn’t 50:50 week by week be easier to plan around than 4:3? Does 4:3 mean you do all the weekdays and he does Friday and the weekend every week? Or do you do 4:3 3:4?

He does Weds 6pm to Sat 5.30pm but I give the kids their tea 5 nights a week. The youngest has only just turned 6 so that is why we agreed it like this. He is a good dad and wants regular contact with the kids. For school holidays of 2 weeks or more I have persuaded ex for us each to have kids for a longer stretch of time as it's not fair on them being passed from one house to the other all the time (although we only live round the corner from each other). Any niggles between us are kept away from the kids and we are civil and friendly in front of them. Just can get a bit narky over text and phone sometimes. And of course I'm not going to jeopardise his honeymoon, I am not jealous at all, got a boyfriend and have moved on. I have already said here I'd agree to the honeymoon dates, I have just asked him to tell me the dates first before booking so we're playing by the same rules.

@popsydoodle4444
Yes she does but they are both at uni now

For what it’s worth I don’t think you’ve been unreasonable just perhaps a little accidentally ignorant. Maybe just chalk this one up to experience and make sure to communicate clearly regarding hols from now on. Nothing else you can do really, I can see both sides tbh.

It sounds like it was calm on the surface before, but underneath you both hold resentment. He has shown this by moving away from the previous flexible agreement to being very specific that he needs information in advance and you have countered by saying you will need this next time too.

Try to list all school holidays and both choose you preferred dates in advance and then negotiate for a fair split.