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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex going on holiday

78 replies

mnem · 20/02/2020 07:06

So we split up before I have birth. My ex is going on holiday when our child will be 3 months old am I being unreasonable being annoyed

OP posts:
MRex · 20/02/2020 07:16

You're split up, it's nothing to do with you unless you have an agreement that he will do a certain amount of childcare over that specific holiday period.

It must be hard being pregnant and splitting up, do you have other people to support you?

TheFastandTheCurious · 20/02/2020 07:30

He's your ex, not seeing the issue?

Apolloanddaphne · 20/02/2020 09:11

What is the problem with this? How often does he see your child? Do you rely on him for childcare?

LovingLola · 20/02/2020 09:14

Could you give a bit more info

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/02/2020 09:16

Can you say why you’re annoyed? You’re not together or cohabiting. It’s okay to be annoyed you’re not going on holiday but he’s presumably not stopping you booking your own trip and he’s allowed to go away.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/02/2020 09:47

Why are you annoyed? You are no longer a couple so he can do as he pleases.

Itwasntme1 · 20/02/2020 09:47

Are you annoyed because he won’t be around to help with the baby? How long is he going for, has he discussed how you will cope alone with the baby?

How often does he have the baby now - is it 50-50?

Nicknacky · 20/02/2020 09:49

Is he missing contact and that’s why you are annoyed?

Tulipan · 20/02/2020 09:57

What are his plans to cover his share of the childcare?
I wouldn't be impressed either. He can't really expect you to be happy with a random person looking after his 3 month old on his contact days but maybe he could pay for someone to come to yours and help you with the baby for the hours he would have had contact.
I doubt you will feel up to this but you could factor in a baby free week in return once the baby is a bit older in lieu of his 50:50 on the holiday instead?

Tulipan · 20/02/2020 09:58

I don't think parents do 'childcare' of their own children btw (to those on thread) ... isn't it just called parenting?

Tulipan · 20/02/2020 10:09

Haha I should have words with myself as well for calling it childcare!

Apolloanddaphne · 20/02/2020 10:13

I called it childcare as it relates to possible commitments OP has rather than general parenting which is ongoing.

GinDrinker00 · 20/02/2020 10:16

YABU, you’re not together he can do as he pleases. It’s only a holiday, not like he’s moving aboard!

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 20/02/2020 10:16

I’m assuming this is because he’s going to be off on a jolly and you’ll be doing the hard slog looking after the baby and probably won’t be going on a holiday for quite a long time? (Holidays with young children/babies are more like an endurance test than a relaxing break). I can understand why you’d be pissed off in that case. However, for your own sake try not to let this kind of thing get to you as it’s you who will suffer most. Resentment is poisonous.

Tulipan · 20/02/2020 10:17

Yes I was a bit hasty! I know what you mean too ... when my ex books holidays without checking/thinking about his parenting committments it drives me mad ... as if it is some kind of gym class he can skip for a few weeks. It must be really hard when you have a tiny baby - and stressful when the baby is not even here yet and you are not sure how you will be coping, or even if you will be physically back on your feet yourself.

AryaStarkWolf · 20/02/2020 10:19

Why?

sillysmiles · 20/02/2020 10:27

I get the feeling that you are pissed off that you expect to be knee deep in nappies etc and caring for a 3 month old while he is off on holidays?

But ask yourself - do you really want him there helping day to day. He is your ex.

Or do you just want him to not go on holidays because you can't? In which case YABU. He is your ex. He doesn't need to "suffer" with you.

yellowallpaper · 20/02/2020 10:59

I'm afraid he is your ex, so it's nothing to do with you

Microwavedtea · 20/02/2020 11:03

It can be annoying how one parent's life completely changes and then they have to watch the other's not but you arent together so you cant stop him and I cant see why you would have the right to either, sorry.

Original poster
mnem · 20/02/2020 13:45

Hi to answer a few questions. He doesn't have the children overnight currently the baby can't go far as she is breast fed. Takes them out on weekends sees them most days and does running to clubs etc. I was just angry he is going away leaving me to deal with everything for a week

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 20/02/2020 13:47

I suggest you get used to it, very rare that he sees them every day, that will dwindle, stop relying on him, there’s obviously a reason he’s an ex.

Itwasntme1 · 20/02/2020 14:04

I can see what you are annoyed. You are a team looking after the children and he is taking a week off. It will mean a lot more work for you, especially when the baby is so small. His older child will also miss him.

Would he cover if you went away for a week when the baby is older?

OldEvilOwl · 20/02/2020 14:06

How many children do you have? You only mention a 3 month old in the OP, then children later on? Do you have a agreement of how often he sees them?

BottleOfJameson · 20/02/2020 14:08

How long is he going for? More than a week YANBU he should have let you know since presumably it will affect his time with the baby and at only 3 months old he should be expecting to still be helping you out quite a bit.

Apolloanddaphne · 20/02/2020 14:15

So there is more than one child?