Ex going on holiday

[mnem]

So we split up before I have birth. My ex is going on holiday when our child will be 3 months old am I being unreasonable being annoyed

She may be the resident parent, but that doesn’t mean he’s right to treat her with zero consideration, does it?

I was just angry he is going away leaving me to deal with everything for a week

you really need to tough it up. Most couples still have one of the parent working full time, and the other one (usually the mother on maternity leave) has to deal with everything during the week, sometimes weekend.

I know on MN people arrive home mid-afternoon and are available for tea time, bath time, bed time (when the kids are older...), but in the real world the working parent usually find the kids fast asleep by the time they are home.

I know on MN people arrive home mid-afternoon and are available for tea time, bath time, bed time (when the kids are older...), but in the real world the working parent usually find the kids fast asleep by the time they are home.

Do people on Mumsnet not exist in the real world?

Do people on Mumsnet not exist in the real world?

They must, but I have never met full-time workers who are home by 4 or 5, or even 6pm. Or seen any job ad advertising for such little hours either.

Shops are opened, GP surgery is open, the school car park is still full. People are at work, so I am not sure how on MN it's reasonable to expect the working parent to be home and the family to have tea at 5pm.

in the real world the working parent usually find the kids fast asleep by the time they are home

This is such rubbish.

They must, but I have never met full-time workers who are home by 4 or 5, or even 6pm. Or seen any job ad advertising for such little hours either.

Seriously? Where do you live??
DH works from 7.30-3.30 5 days and is home at 4pm. He chooses his hours and can wfh regularly if he wants.
I work PT fair enough, 2 days 10-5 and 1 10-4.30. I'm home about 20 minutes after I finish work.

I don't think I know anyone that would be regularly home after 6pm.

I'm not in London though (or even England). Maybe it's a 'City' thing.

This is the thing to bring it home to you that you are on your own. That's always difficult.

If you are coping and would generally cope well, which I assume that you do, given you had a fourth baby, it probably hasn't occurred to him that there'd be an issue, but it should have.

It shows that his priorty has shifted, which again is upsetting.

Has he possibly got the time off work on the basis it's half term? Is he going to be around over the Easter?

This would get some crazy different responses if it were a mum going on holiday and leaving her 3 month old. Which I think is fine btw. But most of MN wouldn’t.

I can’t believe some of the short snappy responses to this post - just because he is an ex, don’t es not mean he can walk away from parenting commitments, particularly commitments for a 3 month old! OP I am sorry this is happening to you, stay strong

You need to use the week to get on top of what needs to be done weekly.

If he does specific things each week, you could ask him how he plans to cover them? That could lead to a conversation about having the courtesy to ask if you can take up his slack in future. Also, might be a good time to ask about your child free week...

What exactly does the 17 year old need weekly? What are the other ages? Why did he leave?

I'm not in London though (or even England). Maybe it's a 'City' thing.

I am not sure - are shops all closed by 5 where you live? Hair salons closed, offices closed, garages closed, you can no longer speak with any business after 5?

I am not talking about restaurants or out of hours anything, things are still running in the afternoon here, so I am not sure how all these people could be expected to be home early.

in the real world the working parent usually find the kids fast asleep by the time they are home

This is such rubbish.

except that it's not. And that applies to mothers just as well as fathers.

Be grateful if you happen to be home at 5pm every night. Most of us aren't.

Don't really see the problem as long as in the future you are free to do the same.
I've just booked a 3 week holiday taking ds away without consulting his father, I know it's not the same, but we're divorced, I don't need to.

@JosefKeller

Stop being silly. The people you know in real life aren't representative of the population in general, they're a massively biased sample.

This is a hard one. If he is going away the week he's not having the other children then it's ok.

However the baby is 3 months old and you'd think common decency would prevail and he would stay around to help.

BottleOfJameson
I am not being silly, just pointing out that it's not just my area of work, it's the simple fact that I can do pretty much anything at 5 or 6pm because nothing is closed (even later to be honest). These people are not robot, I am sure they have families too.

If you live in a town who goes into shut down at 4pm, it's not anything I have ever experienced, either where I live, work, or travel...

@JosefKeller you said you'd never met a full time worker who was home by 6pm.
Of course there are lots of people that work after 6pm, just as there are lots of people that are home earlier.

You can't stop him going on holiday, I'm afraid. Nor should you. But he should work with you to help make alternative arrangements. If he is going on holday during the Easter holidays then there won't be school runs. Your baby will be 3 months old, are you on maternity leave? Your 17 year old should also be able to step up and help out a bit. It's only a week, and you will manage.

Is this more to do with the fact that you feel he gets to swan off on holiday while you are the full time parent who can't?

You are obviously very newly separated and your baby is only new born. Things will settle down and you will find your routine.

@JosefKeller

You're describing anyone who isn't exactly like you as not living in the real world. I agree with PP you're being silly. Yes there are shops and bars open past 6pm but only a minority of parents work is shops and bars and even if they do they don't generally work 16 hour days. So if you're working until 10pm in a restaurant you won't have started until about 12pm and will have been around helping in the morning. (Most people don't commute for hours to those kind of jobs either).

I don't believe you've never met a full time worker home by 6pm and if that is actually true you are the one who is incredibly unusual not everyone else.

Based on your assumptions households with two full time working parents would have kids seeing neither of their parents at all during the week. This isn't what generally happens.

HomeMadeMadness
you spectacularly missing my point

MY job has relatively anti-social hours. That wasn't what I am talking about, I wasn't talking about restaurant or night-shift workers either?
nothing is closed at 4 pm here. So what jobs do you actually do that allow you to be home by 5?

I think my local postmen and rubbish collectors start and finish early. I can't think of anyone else?

I haven't seen a job ad for a 9 to 5 in years, it's minimum 9 to 6 for a start for office workers.

Based on your assumptions households with two full time working parents would have kids seeing neither of their parents at all during the week. This isn't what generally happens.

bollocks, we all alternate, how else do you think we manage?

Based on your assumptions households with two full time working parents would have kids seeing neither of their parents at all during the week. This isn't what generally happens.

Exactly, not to mention most nurseries and childminders won't be open past 6pm and the majority of people do not have nannies.

@JosefKeller jobs- DH IT consultant, I work in welfare.

Best friends landscape gardener works 8-4, financial advisor 9-5

Other best friends marketing exec 9-5 accountant 9-5 (9-4 fri)

Just off the top of my head

I don't think any of our circle would accept working 45 hours a week. I honestly think it might be regional though.