To think 3 kids in a 3 bed house is perfectly fine

[Justasconfusedwithnumber2]

Having this discussion with DH atm. We currently have 2yo and 6 week old DSs. We both know God willing we want a third, and would like a similar age gap.
We planned to extend our house in the next few years but after having some smaller projects go on I am massively put off, the chaos was frustrating and difficult with little ones, and realistically the extension would be 100x worse. DH said its best we start looking for a four bed, although in our area they're hard to come by and it's very competitive. I don't think we have the money or strength to move right now tbh. We love our house very much, it's so perfectly located for our lives but it's only 3 bed, with the third room being quite tiny, about 6ft x 8ft tops (of the top of my head) which we use as a nursery. I have absolutely no problem having the two boys in the same room (approx 8ft x 10ft) until they are older and we are hopefully more financially and mentally prepared to move/extend, but DH having always had separate rooms to his siblings, doesn't think its doable.

I get the rooms aren't big, but I find we spend 90% of our time in the living room anyway. Am I going mad to think there's absolutely nothing wrong with what I'm thinking?!!

FizzyIce - naturally it can be hard at times but it really bothered you? Even now? How long ago was this?

I do remember arguments etc but I gained more skills from learning to deal with stuff like this and learning to not hate my sister or feeling hard done by and then I moved on and still quite like my sister and still agree with sharing rooms. So unless your circumstances were specifically unique and your sister was quite awful I still cant get away from that fact that whilst yes it would be preferable but thinking that its a bit precious and dramatic to have not liked it that much.

I am not very social and like my space but sharing made me learn that sometimes you need to think outside the box when your looking for 'me time' and you learn to deal with awkward social situatioms as you cant avoid them.

Surely quality of life should form part of your decision making before trying for another baby. This might sound harsh but can you actually afford all these children if you don’t have the money to move?

Yes, people grew up/are born into worse lives such as poverty, that doesn’t make this the right decision though.

We have 4 children and have just bought a 5 bed as I think it's important they all have their own space. I'm also now expecting our 5th, so will eventually either convert another room we already have, or extend to create a 6th bedroom.

Mnthrowaway it doesn't make the decision wrong either. Even if op can't afford to move, that does not mean that she can't afford another child as housing is so expensive in many areas. Their current house sounds great for 3, even 4 children. Children do not need their own rooms.

And many kids who shared did not grow up in poverty. Even some richer people nowadays have children sharing rooms in larger properties. It's about what suits the family not a blanket rule.

@Insideimsprinting of course it doesn’t bother me now but I now have my own house so why would it?
Yes it did , we were ok when we were younger but then we wanted our own space , we couldn’t have any peace from each other , having friends round was a nightmare as our interests were very different so not much in common if our friends were here at the same time.
No privacy , not enough room... if she wanted to read I’d want to watch tv or I’d want to read and she would want to listen to music ..
we didn’t get on until she left home and we weren’t in each other’s pockets .

My DSes shared until we moved when they were 4 and 6.

I have zero regrets about giving them their own rooms:

• they sleep much better
• DS1 has a room to go to when angry
• when they're squabbling they can each be sent to their rooms
• DS2 has his own space which he really needs to get away from DS1 (DS1 is really quite difficult).

They could have carried on sharing. But it would have been DS2 who would have suffered the most, and already he suffers from DS1's behaviour (we are obviously working on it with more than one professional but it's not a quick fix).

We're in a two bed terrace and TTC a second. The plan would be to either extend upstairs or the loft or we could split the master bedroom into two. Eventually anyway, it will take us years to save for that. I have fertility issues so #2 may never happen so it's all hypothetical anyway.

To counter PPs, my DSes never ask to sleep in the same room. and DS1 enjoys having a friend over for sleepovers which wasn't possible in the previous flat when he shared with DS2.

I think it’s fine until the older children are 10/11 and then they need their own space x

I shared a room until I was 11.

I currently live in a 2 bed with a second child ok the way and although we have the option of converting loft I would prefer not to so will stick with 2 bedrooms for now.

I figure with dc1 being 3 years old that gives us around 7-8 years to decide to extend or move.

Sharing a room is absolutely fine while the kids are small. You’d have years before you’d need to consider moving and you may never need to if the kids are ok with sharing.

I didn’t like sharing and was glad to finally get my own room at the age of 12. But as you say you are happy to consider moving/ extending when the kids are older and you’ve probably got 7or 8 year before you even need to think about it.

I think it's fine as long as there is another place in the house that a child can go for their own space if necessary (just somewhere away from their sibling like an office, a playroom, or even a quiet corner). You can always reassess moving in the future.

It's nice if children can have their own room but it's not a need.

In the past I would think the majority of children shared and, even today, lots still do. I really don't think they all end up scarred because of it.

I agree with those who say it's a totally recent thing. Very few people when I was growing up had their own room. I only had one sister so we were the only people in our friendship groups that didn't share. I have 3 in a 3 bed and while the baby is still in
with us I have zero intentions of moving house and the two girls can share, I do
think the difference nowadays is that everyone has so much stuff you need more space but most of that stuff isn't necessary so you can easily make the space work if you have to.

We have 3 kids in 3 bedroom house BUT all bedrooms are doubles. Mine are all boys so they have switched around rooms over the years. Luckily ds2 will never want to sleep alone in a room (asd) so hes happy to share