To ask if anyone else quiet or introverted has received these kinds of comments ?

[Username109876]

I am a teacher and i've been told by 2 friends, "I can't imagine you shouting !" or they can't imagine me getting angry or annoyed at kids.
I know it's not meant to be offensive, I find it funny in a way because i've never seen them shouting/angry either. It assumes you are one-dimensional, but you really have to be in the situation in order to act in that way.

However from 2 guys i've had some pretty stupid comments regarding music tastes. I listen to virtually anything but one guy was really shocked that I listened to rap and hip hop, based on what I don't know.

Another guy told me, "Oh I thought you only listened to Beyoncé, Lady Gaga and that sort of stuff." again just a préconception based on how I look/act.

Anyone else ?

Yeah, people assume I’m innocent because I’m naturally quiet and introverted.

That's men negging you because men always understand music better than women.

It's people without imagination. Or maybe they are very one-dimensional?

This completely! I'm a teacher too and people say 'you must be so calm with the children' and it might be me imagining it but I assume some people think my behaviour management is poor.

The music thing too and the fact I like to get drunk surprises people. A colleague who I don't know well atall was asking people in the staffroom if they have tattoos. When she got to me she said 'I'm not surprised you don't have one, you don't seem like a tattoo person'.

It annoys me sometimes but actually the people saying these things don't know anything about me, and the people I care about know the real me. Like the quote 'those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind'.

It's amazing the assumptions people make.
What does a 'tattoo person' look like then ? 😁
I agree they don't know much about us or it's them who are one-dimensional.
I never thought of it as negging but maybe.
I'd told this guy I had been to the concert of a (very well-known) rap artist and he was having kittens over it, saying he was 'so surprised'.

I've also been told by a guy 'You don't look like a clubber. " 🙄

I am very quiet until I get to know people, and probably look a bit frumpy and middle aged. People are always shocked the first time they hear me swear.
And I'm always hearing, "it's the quiet ones you have to watch" if I say anything remotely controversial or edgy.
I think my outside doesn't match my inside

On a bit of a tangent but doing Myers Briggs to determine personality type is quite illuminating. As an introvert who likes to reflect on things before taking action I found it helped me to understand why I find a lot of extroverts a massive pain in the arse. There’s little that annoys me more than someone getting in my face and jumping around with ideas when they’re expecting me to think in their way and getting irritated when I don’t.

Yes definitely. I would say I'm quite introvert and I've had all kinds of stupid assumptions made about me, I've had comments off people that, they can't imagine me shouting or swearing and acting really shocked if I've sworn.

I even had a bloke, during a conversation about domestic abuse, say that he could imagine me being in that situation as opposed to one of the other louder women in the office!

I believe in being polite and considerate to others. As a result, I've found people assume I'm weak and easily bullied. It can be a surprise to them to find out they're wrong. Rudeness doesn't equate to personal strength!

I think many people sadly see being quiet and introverted à something to fix rather than the way someone is.
I like my own company, i'm happy to do stuff alone and i'm quiet. It's taken me a long time to accept myself as I am, and not felt like I have to change and be louder or whatever to be more attractive.
The DV comment is ridiculous frankly.

I've also had someone acting really shocked if I swore.

2 years ago when I was 27, I got back in touch with a guy I did my postgrad with. He kept saying he thought I was younger than 27, that i seemed really young and innocent, and kept going on about my' innocence' which was very annoying.

@theghostwriter i have had people assume the same of me. It's really sad tbh, we are definitely doing the right thing in continuing to be polite and kind yet standing up for ourselves when needs be.
When i've stood up for myself before, some people have seemed really shocked and laughed, or just made rude comments.

Oh yes I've had this all my life. People can't imagine me shouting, getting annoyed with my kids (I do, a lot!), listening to rap/rock music, going to a football match and cheering for my team.

Yes, I get this too. People assume I am compliant and ‘nice’ when they first meet me. And many people wrongly assume I am vegetarian for some reason!
It works to my advantage as I am seen as a safe pair of hands, polite, steady etc, but when people get to know me, they almost always comment that they are very surprised that I am not what they expected.

I've had people being surprised that I like metal and rock, because I'm quite boring looking. Brown hair, glasses, plain face. But I love the Deftones and My Ruin (old stuff) and RATM and System of a Down and loads of other stuff.

SallyWD I have those exact things 🙌🏼😬

I tend to get the opposite - I'm also quite introverted and it takes me a while to get to know people. I much prefer having a laugh with people I have established, comfortable relationships with. People often tell me they thought I was initially bitchy or 'an ice queen' once they get to know me.

I just don't like insincere small talk or fake friendships. I like to have genuine connections with people.

Sometimes I wish I could be a bit more 'easy going' but I worry it can read more as 'sinister'

We all make instant judgements based on appearance. It’s a case of training ourselves to then question those judgements and not make assumptions.

I am introverted. I do get those comments. But I think that’s more because I’m very clam (until I snap and go mental).

Re music I think the only comments I’ve had are along the lines that I seem like I must like classical/folly music. Which is true so there you go. No one has ever told me they thought that I listened to pop which I don’t so I guess I just look fairly typical for my musical taste.

Very familiar, I've been facing all sorts of presumptions and prejudices my whole life. Starting with people thinking I'm joking about being vegetarian based on where I'm from (?!) and "not looking sickly enough" to presumptions about my personality, music taste, tattoos, politics etc.

A while ago my own mother made a ridiculous comment about our wedding invitations, how about just saying that they're nice like everyone else did? But no, it was "I'd never expect such flowery invitations from you, you're not exactly a girly girl". The invitations are vintage-style roses, as far from girly as it gets 🤷‍♀️
I guess I can blame this one my mum not seeing me for 1.5 years (different countries) and not really witnessing my growth.

And the most ridiculous one - random people reacting to me getting pregnant and then being totally shocked when I tell them it was planned. "I've never thought you wanted children". Neighbour's daughter even asked my mum if she's sure she didn't misunderstand what I said, haha!

All of this nonsense often has one thing in common. It's coming from people I'm not close to and don't give a damn about, yet they somehow think they know me. People are ridiculous.

I guess it is a case of learning not to make snap judgements based on appearance.. I think the one that really bothered me was a friend telling me she couldn't imagine me being good with babies/children. I've worked with children for 8 years and there's never been anything to suggest that I would be an unfit mother.

Yeah, I think people often think I’m a bit standoffish rather than shy because I’m happy with my own company and prefer to have a few close friends. I’m also not good at small talk.

Missing the point of the thread, but what’s wrong with Lady Gaga and Beyoncé?? Geniuses the pair, and both strong women unafraid to express themselves.
Back on point, I get that too OP. I think people sometimes equate “introverted” with “meek”. I surprise people by being quite steely when I want something done. I read a book called “Shhh... The Quiet Power Of The Introvert” which I really enjoyed- off to google the name of the author.

Oh yes. I find that in a society that is built on aggression and exploitation, accompanied by all these pathetic pretensions that it isn’t so based, prejudice against the quiet is absolutely endemic. Not only are you immediately perceived as a natural victim, as usual any injustice against you is viewed as your own fault for not conforming. As Britain becomes more conformist, or in the more conformist parts of it, I think such pressures are becoming worse as well.

More fool Britain. If all it values is a bunch of empty-headed loudmouths, then that is exactly what it will get - is getting in fact.

www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0141029196?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

This book- I managed to forget the name of the book too!

Yes I get this a lot too. I’m very quiet until I get to know people. They are often shocked that i swear and I think ffs.

Yes it’s very strange. I was staying with some relatives (in laws) and they were saying how serene I am and cat-like. How calm and sweet natured. How I make everyone feel relaxed because I am so chilled.

DH almost choked and DS cackled. I seem to give off the aura of calmness for some reason as in process the world.