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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if anyone else quiet or introverted has received these kinds of comments ?

67 replies

Username109876 · 18/02/2020 08:11

I am a teacher and i've been told by 2 friends, "I can't imagine you shouting !" or they can't imagine me getting angry or annoyed at kids.
I know it's not meant to be offensive, I find it funny in a way because i've never seen them shouting/angry either. It assumes you are one-dimensional, but you really have to be in the situation in order to act in that way.

However from 2 guys i've had some pretty stupid comments regarding music tastes. I listen to virtually anything but one guy was really shocked that I listened to rap and hip hop, based on what I don't know.

Another guy told me, "Oh I thought you only listened to Beyoncé, Lady Gaga and that sort of stuff." again just a préconception based on how I look/act.

Anyone else ?

OP posts:

Nellie3 · 18/02/2020 09:28

People can be so strange, I find that people who come across the most confident/loud etc can often actually be the most insecure, and a lot of introverts have a quiet confidence about them and know where they stand and what their boundaries are.

Craftycorvid · 18/02/2020 09:34

I get ‘you’re so calm/motherly/ladylike’ - people are shocked when I swear and seem to feel they can’t swear in my presence. Makes me feel like an elderly dowager duchess For the record: Due to my job I know how to manage my anxiety, hence I seem calm, no idea what ‘motherly’ means?!, define ladylike. Have piercing and large tattoo plus eclectic tastes in music.

Quadrangle · 18/02/2020 09:34

The person saying they can't imagine you being good with children was rude. This one is a compliment though
I am a teacher and i've been told by 2 friends, "I can't imagine you shouting !" or they can't imagine me getting angry or annoyed at kids
There were two school mums at my dcs' primary school who were secondary teachers. One spoke to other school mums in a sarcastic/patronising way. The second was lovely, and i thought the second must be better at switching between how she spoke to naughty teenagers and to school mums. The first one i imagine spoke the same to both. You are probably more like the second.

RuffleCrow · 18/02/2020 09:41

Beyonce and Lady Gaga are both pretty badass imo

Lordfrontpaw · 18/02/2020 09:41

Well work got a taste of my ‘dark’ side the other week when - too long to go into - but I’d had enough - a colleague had been taking the piss/being quite rude/ ageist and sexist towards me in front of his cackling team (ah, young women can be quite thoughtless) I scowled and just walked out of his office without saying anything.

He realised he had upset me and came wandering over to speak to me, and spouted more (again and sexist) crap at me - irrelevant to work. He really doesn’t know when to shut up. I was actually still feeling quite hurt and upset so said ‘how the fucking hell do I know anything about that shite?’. I think he was a bit surprised. Well, I had told him before that he hadn’t seen me be angry.

This has happened three times in my whole career, so I guess I’m a slow burn.

speakout · 18/02/2020 09:45

I get this too.

I am quiet, softly spoke. People assume that I am meek and nice.
I am quite the opposite, I am a strong character, take no bullshit from anyone, not afraid of much!

I just do it all in a calm quiet manner.

No means the same whether you say it firmly and quietly or shout it.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 18/02/2020 09:48

I wouldn’t get too offended OP - from what people have said about you they just think you’re a very nice, sweet person and there’s nothing wrong with that! The guy questioning your music taste just sounds like he was trying to wind you up.
I speak with quite broad accent in an area where other people don’t and I know people are often surprised that I’m pretty clever when we get into in-depth conversations about certain things (and I often win pub quiz’s etc!). It’s human nature to form a quick opinion of someone - the people you meet that matter (and you will form friendships with) you will get to know and they will see the real you.
I personally like surprising people! I must admit I also usually know pretty quickly whether someone is my “cup of tea” or not.

unlikelytobe · 18/02/2020 09:49

My friend has some social anxiety and doesn't join in much, often refuses invites etc so some people will react to that with a patronising 'there, there, there' attitude. Drives her nuts. She's no mouse, very assertive at times and doesn't seek sympathy - just not highly sociable.

None of us are one dimensional characters!

bluete · 18/02/2020 09:51

Yes, people think I am "nice" (or a pushover) all the time.

Lordfrontpaw · 18/02/2020 09:51

I find extroverts a bit - well irritating and selfish. There, ive said it. “No, I don’t want your opinions on everything and no, you aren’t right all the bloody time. You aren’t brilliant and entertaining - you just keeping telling the same story about you you you over and over. You can sit in silence for two minutes and the works won’t end - just shut up for once and take a bloody breath.”

As you were...

Nowayorhighway · 18/02/2020 10:01

Yes, I’m also a teacher and have been told the same. Tbf I don’t really have to shout because I mostly teach adults so at best I just have to put my stern disappointed voice on .

Daftodil · 18/02/2020 10:06

"You don't look vegetarian" (thanks, I assume you mean I'm fat).

"I can't imagine you getting road rage" (well if everyone with a car could learn to use their bloody indicators properly I wouldn't have to make wanker signs at them, would I?)

"I didn't expect you to be up on the dance floor" (when you've got the moves, it's rude not to share them)

"I can't imagine you getting stressed about anything... you don't really have problems do you?" (Yep, that's right, not a one! 🙄)

Original poster

Username109876 · 18/02/2020 10:10

How do you react to these sorts of comments ? I've just laughed them off until now, probably best to ignore them. Indeed some of them are compliments in a way, but it says more about them than you.

OP posts:

Ponoka7 · 18/02/2020 10:13

"None of us are one dimensional characters!"

You've only got to read the threads on here about, 'girly' women, those who like full make up, cosmetic procedures, Mrs Brown's Boys etc. Or those that Parent in a certain way, to see that many people think one aspect of a person totally defines them.

Ponoka7 · 18/02/2020 10:14

You react by asking them do they always make assumptions about others.

mrsBtheparker · 18/02/2020 10:21

I once taught alongisde a lovely colleague, the archetypal teacher in many people's minds, however she was a devout Trekkie attending conferences etc and also a great fan of very heavy rock, I always thought of Ramstein as a USAF base in Germany!
People can be very annoying when they expect everyone to do and think as they do, the fact that I can enjoy a night out without drinking alcohol is beyond them. The worst are the ones who think they're being kind slipping a vodka or whatever into my orange juice. I don't judge other, they shouldn't judge me.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 18/02/2020 10:21

I've had some comments a bit like this.
The most memorable being when my then 5 year old was being attacked in the playground after school by another child.
A parent who saw the whole thing remarked that I really didn't seem like the kind of person who could shout like that!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 18/02/2020 10:24

People confusing introversion with being shy....

Not shy... Just not interested!

Puffinhead · 18/02/2020 10:25

I’ve had this too. One mum at school used to call me Mary Poppins because I was always chilled at school and never swore - I save it for when I’m at home .

speakout · 18/02/2020 10:28

I am an introvert- i am not shy and have no social anxiety.

I find social ocassions draining.

Which is strange as I have spent a lot of my career being in them!!
Worked in high level sales for many years, led support groups for a parenting charity, still help out a friend when she needs help at trade shows etc.
I have the skills and the confidence- I would just rather not engage .

Haworthia · 18/02/2020 10:33

I know what you mean. I’ve always gone through life with people assuming that I’m really square and a bit uptight. It started at school and it’s hard to shake off.

Like the tattoo thing. I’ve always wanted one but I didn’t get one because I was worried people would think I was trying to be someone I’m not - “ooh, look at her, trying so hard to be a rebel!”

Thankfully the older I get, the less I GAF. And I got a large tattoo on my back when I was 35

Sh05 · 18/02/2020 10:42

16Batqueen

Yeah, I think people often think I’m a bit standoffish rather than shy because I’m happy with my own company and prefer to have a few close friends. I’m also not good at small talk.
This is me
When I first got married my sis in law said that I thought I was too good for them. She thought I was a snob
It was nothing of the sort. I was just extremely shy. She was a huge gossip and I didn't know the multitude of people she was critical of so didn't have much to say.
18 years ago that was and it has stuck with me since.

Vintagehearts · 18/02/2020 10:45

I once had a guy I was talking to on the phone who I hadn't met in person (from online dating) say to me I bet I'm quite mellow in bed. I'm an introvert and a quiet person so he naturally assumed I'd be meek in bed. I laughed at what he said and didn't elaborate on what I actually do like in bed. I also never spoke to him again because clearly he was a weirdo.

I actually enjoy light bondage in bed and certainly aren't "meek" but he will never know due to his odd presumptions. 😆🤪

JaneJeffer · 18/02/2020 10:51

It could be worse. Someone once asked me "what kind of music do you like, probably Celine Dion?"

Magnificentbeast · 18/02/2020 10:54

Yes, I get these comments too. I think I'm different with different people depending on how comfortable I feel around them.

More extrovert people tend to assume I am only ever quiet and if I stray from their perception of me I feel as if I get pulled up on it. Whereas i find people who are louder/more extrovert get away with more.

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