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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For expecting husband to get up with baby

57 replies

Pondlife87 · 18/02/2020 07:36

My husband is a teacher and on half term. When he's off we take it in turns getting up early when our baby wakes and thr other one lies in.
This morning is his lie in. I however was up half the night throwing up and on the toilet as i have a stomach bug.
Baby woke up this morning and it was very much expected i should get up with her. I've been sick and had diarrhoea again since getting up.
AIBU to think this is unfair and he should get up with her and help me out if I am ill. I have and would do that for him. There would be no question in my mind.

OP posts:
Daisy169 · 18/02/2020 07:37

Have you spoken to him so he knows you're ill?

Theworldisfullofgs · 18/02/2020 07:38

Can't you just wake him up?

NatureWalk · 18/02/2020 07:38

Of course yanbu. You need to rest and get over the bug and you also dont want the baby catching what ever you have.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 18/02/2020 07:38

and it was very much expected i should get up with her.

Did you ask him to get up as you were sick and he said "No"?

Whatsbrownandsticky · 18/02/2020 07:38

Yes, of course, if he was off sick with d&v then you wouldn't be asking him to make breakfast for the baby!
Tell him you're calling in sick and go back to bed. Put baby on him, literally.

thereplycamefromanchorage · 18/02/2020 07:39

Yanbu. Your usual arrangements should stop if one of you is ill. He sounds very selfish.

Original poster
Pondlife87 · 18/02/2020 07:40

He heard me throwing up all night so he def knows. I'm really bad at asking for help as I prioritise his comfort over mine, but I'm starting to think he knows that and takes advantage. Maybe i should just woman up and go wake him up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pondlife87 · 18/02/2020 07:41

@TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre no it isn't that bad. But he did wake up when she did and say morning when I got up with her. I just ignored him so he knows I'm unhappy, but he hasn't got up.

OP posts:
TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 18/02/2020 07:42

Absolutely. Unless you tell him you need him to get up he doesn't know you need him to get up.

Maybe you need to look into why you prioritise him over yourself. Doing it occasionally is fine and the sign of a loving person. Doing it all the time is the sign of a doormat.

strawberry2017 · 18/02/2020 07:44

Go back to bed and tell him to get up with the baby - simple
Stop prioritising him
Plus a baby with a stomach bug will be horrendous so do whatever you can to prevent them catching it x

TheGreatWave · 18/02/2020 07:45

Just tell him to get up.

JigsawsAreInPieces · 18/02/2020 07:45

I just ignored him so he knows I'm unhappy

Ah, the passive-aggressive ignore him. Try opening your mouth and telling him! Hmm
Yes he may be trying it on but if you just take over because he's not doing as previously agreed then he needs reminding that you need a break too!

Hypergear · 18/02/2020 07:48

If you've not actually asked him to get up, I don't really think you're in a position to complain IMO.

Firsttimemama2017 · 18/02/2020 07:48

Go and tell him to get up and stop being such a martyr!

meow1989 · 18/02/2020 07:49

Yanbu for wanting him to get up with baby, if nothing else you dont want baby to get what you have.

Yabu for not just communicating with him and telling him he needs to get up and relying on him "knowing" you're not happy.

hammeringinmyhead · 18/02/2020 07:50

If you have got up and ignored him passive-aggressively he is calling your bluff. Go and get him up.

Ginfordinner · 18/02/2020 07:50

My SIL does that passive aggressive hope you notice what she wants thing as well. Everyone gets irritated and frustrated with her playing the martyr all the time. So we all now ignore her huffing and puffing until she asks.

I'll put my money on that's what your husband is doing. Just put your big girl pants on and tell him and stop playing the martyr. And learn to be a bit more assertive.

LowcaAndroidow · 18/02/2020 07:50

Stop being a passive aggressive martyr and wake him up!

Ginfordinner · 18/02/2020 07:51

I hope you feel better soon BTW.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 18/02/2020 07:54

By the way prioritising him above you is what will lead to resentment. You will do all these things, but resent doing them. You will do everything but resent him not knowing you don't want to do everything. He will happily sit back letting you do everything because to him it seems like you want to do it (maybe because you think you do it "better"?)

Use your tongue and tell him what you need.

hydeandrun · 18/02/2020 07:54

just turf him out of his bad. that you even have to ask? You should be looked after, not looking after someone.

Hope the bug passes soon!

Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 18/02/2020 07:56

YANBU if you had actually asked him to get up and look after baby so that you can recover and prevent baby from catchier the bug.
YABU for expecting him to jump up and offer as soon as he hears the baby and giving him passive aggressive silent treatment. There's no way my DH would even think about taking over unless I specifically asked him.

LouLou789 · 18/02/2020 07:57

Hope you soon feel better. And of course he should be seeing to the baby. My astonishment is not that you haven’t told him this, but that he hasn’t done this automatically!

Jarvisisgod · 18/02/2020 07:59

Ffs. Tell him. If DH was being a martyr, I’d ignore him too

LagunaBubbles · 18/02/2020 07:59

I'm really bad at asking for help as I prioritise his comfort over mine

Why on earth? You're an adult in a relationship, open your mouth and tell him you're sick and he needs to get up. He should of he's a decent human being. I would question what he thinks of you if he doesn't.