If you live mire than two hours drive away from your parents and siblings how did you find it

Original poster

Lardlizard · 17/02/2020 15:41

Opps sorry i thought that was chat

OP posts:

bigchris · 17/02/2020 15:42

It's been hard when the kids were little but now they're older it's not too bad

See my parents and family maybe 3 times a year

Amigoingmad29weeks · 17/02/2020 15:44

I find it fine. But i have pretty much never lived near family so it's normal for me. I think it can be pretty hard if you're used to seeing people alot. Especially if you're not ok with doing lots of travelling. In my experience people won't travel to you often, more so if you are the only one who has moved away.

GeraltOfRivia · 17/02/2020 15:45

It was easy without kids. Hard when they were tiny. Now youngest is older we just met half way between for lunch and they've gone to stay with mum
For a few days this half term. Much easier when they aren't as big.

With FaceTime, Skype, Alexa etc it helps!

Lottieskeeper · 17/02/2020 15:45

I live a 2 and a half hours drive from my family. It's hard that they don't see the kids as often as they would like. We see them every 4-8 weeks.

woodencoffeetable · 17/02/2020 15:45

liberating!

Batqueen · 17/02/2020 15:46

I am four hours away from my parents and brother, and 2.5 from my sister and her family. It’s great not having daily interference and we actually get on a lot better this way. I do know though that it means I won’t be able to rely on grandparent support if we have kids.

peachgreen · 17/02/2020 15:47

It's okay. My mum is quite difficult so in a way it's a good thing, but I do miss the practical support. Think it will be easier once my DD is a bit older.

WingDefence · 17/02/2020 15:48

We moved to the NW 9 years ago from SE London so it's usually 4.5 hours journey on a good day. We moved nearer to DH's family and before we did, we'd probably travel to see them every few months, or they'd come to us. When we moved up here, again it was probably the same amount of time between visits for my DPs and the rest of the family (never been that close to be brother tbh), but we facetimed and called etc and the DCs saw/spoke to them enough to form a great relationship.

Then 6-7 years ago my DPs moved up here as well so it's made it far easier on that side of things but we still go down south about twice a year to see my extended family (around Christmas and then in the summer). It's always seen as a good excuse to get everyone together and again, my DCs have got a good relationship with all their equivalent cousins/extended family.

I suppose it depends on the distance and the effort you want to put in, plus how strong your family ties are? I have friends whose families are abroad and with technology they still have good relationships.

lastqueenofscotland · 17/02/2020 15:49

I moved from the highlands to Devon when I was 18.
It’s fine. I never really give it much/any thought

cansu · 17/02/2020 15:49

depends on whether you have young children or are planning to have kids. I live around three hours from mine and it has been hard without that support close by.

SarahAndQuack · 17/02/2020 15:50

So much depends on your relationships with them already, and on what you hope for in the future.

In an ideal world, I wish my brothers, especially my younger brother, saw more of my DD. She is changing so fast and she doesn't really know either of them - she's seen my brother maybe 5-10 times in her life and she's nearly 3.

I hugely wish my mother were nearer. It didn't seem so bad until a year ago, when she broke her leg badly. It made both of us realise that, realistically, things are going to get harder for her, health-wise, and she is going to get less and less able to come up to see us. I wish she were able to pop over for a few hours.

You might think you'll do longer visits less often and it'll be fine, but it's such a different thing. If my mum comes up for, say, a long weekend, DD is shy/overexcited for a lot of that time. Usually she's just settled down by the time my mum has to leave! You can't get the closeness you get from seeing someone every few days or every couple of weeks. And of course I can't easily ask mum to take DD for a few hours if I have an unexpected problem (though it's the relationship I care about more).

OTOH, I have a fraught relationship with my dad and with my in-laws, and I must admit that DP and I both agree we would not want either set of in-laws living near enough they could easily pop round all the time, because it has the potential to be awful! So in that sense, the distance has its positives.

reefedsail · 17/02/2020 15:50

I lived 4+ hours away from my parents for 20 years. Saw each other twice a year- one visit each way- and one phone call per week. More contact by email once my mum mastered that.

However, they just downsized and moved a mile away from us, and I must say it is lovely (so far).

nachthexe · 17/02/2020 15:50

They see more of one set of grandparents now (as gps visit for a month every year, sometimes twice a year) but one set they only see every couple of years as they don’t travel. The gps visited more when they were little, because the gps themselves were younger and more flexible (and babies and toddlers are more fun to visit than teenagers 😂, until teenagers get to the sociable point and turn into funny adult people to build relationships with)

Scarfaceclaw21 · 17/02/2020 15:50

I did it for 10 years. 4 hours distance away. Missed them but was manageable, they worked full time, so did I. I moved back after having DC because I realized I didn't have a relationship with my grandparents and I wanted my DC to have that in their lives (amongst other reasons). I am now a sahm and my parents are retired. I see them at least twice a week. I find it much less stressful to see them little and often (sometimes it's only a quick coffee) rather than visiting for days at a time. My DC adore them.

Dozer · 17/02/2020 15:51

Five hours or so. No local family. It’s been good jobs wise but bad family/friends wise.

Hard IME (our DC are primary school age) because we have little annual leave together in order to cover as much of the school hols as possible. so tend to visit our respective families separately. It’s too far/time consuming journey to do comfortably in a weekend and tiring for the DC.

A complication is that my parents can’t travel to see us and siblings work unsocial shifts, so weekends donmt work for them either.

MotherWol · 17/02/2020 15:51

I moved to London when I was 18, my parents subsequently moved away from my hometown and now live even further away, as has my sister. We have a young DD and honestly, it's hard work. We have good, reliable paid childcare in place, but we rarely get nights out or child free time at weekends or holidays. We see them 4-6 times a year, DD is too young and easily distracted to Skype, but she does enjoy time with them at Christmas. It's not really something we can do much about, so we just do the best we can.

lazylinguist · 17/02/2020 15:52

We moved 4hrs away 5 years ago when dc were 7 and 9. It's absolutely fine! We speak often and see each other maybe 4 times a year. My only worry is that asmy parents get older and maybe ill, I'll be a long drive away and the burden will fall to a greater extent on my sister, who only lives an hour from them. I'd also really like to be nearer my dsis.

PaulRobinsonsWoodenLeg · 17/02/2020 15:54

I live a 3 hour drive from my parents. It's too far to go there and back in a day as the roads aren't great, so I usually stay one or two nights and make a weekend of it. They still live in my home town so I catch up with other friends and family while I'm there. It's harder to find the time as I'm looking at a whole weekend rather than just popping in for an hour or two, but it's better quality time if that makes sense.

SarahAndQuack · 17/02/2020 15:54

Oh, and I think also you need to think about how family will react.

I grew up with grandparents not very near, and an aunt and uncle who were a fair way away; my parents weren't close to their siblings and we never knew our cousins well. My brothers have both lived some distance away from my parents; my parents' first grandchild was born in Brazil and they didn't see her for some months.

My DP grew up with one grandmother living next door and the other a few minutes' bus ride away. DP's siblings all live within a 10 minute drive of her parents' house (in fact, two of them live at home).

It's a huge difference in expectations. My parents are sad we're not closer but it doesn't feel unnatural to them. My DP's parents waver between being outraged and utterly confused - they can't get their minds around it. This is probably part of the reason my PIL will never come to see DD in her own home - he just can't believe we really don't live round the corner.

Ilikewinter · 17/02/2020 15:55

Im about 2 hours away, i dont have kids but i do have a young niece. It never bothered me in the past but in the last couple of years i feel like i miss out and seeing my niece grow up. Family often do days out etc that i just cant get to.
Also my parents are getting old, DM had an emergency trip and admission to hospital before xmas and i couldnt go and see her which i found really hard...guilty that DB had to deal with everything.
If i could i would move closer to family.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 17/02/2020 15:58

It’s normal to me and I don’t really know any different! I moved a 3 hour drive away for uni when I was 18 and never moved back (I’m now 40). I do feel like I’m in a minority though...all of my friends/colleagues/other school mums and dads have family locally that they can call on for childcare etc. I do get jealous of that, even though my parents wouldn’t be prepared to do school runs anyway! It’s sometimes hard to make people understand that i can’t always be spontaneous because I can’t just make a quick phone call and have a relative on my doorstep 10 minutes later to watch the kids for a bit.

Oh and the relatives never travel to see us, it’s always us having to go to them

NerrSnerr · 17/02/2020 15:58

We're about 5 hours away from our parents and see them a couple of times a year. We've never been close so it's fine. We're about 2 hours from in-laws and see them every couple of months.

We just made sure we got a good group of friends when we had children which is all the support we need. None of our parents are the helpful kind so probably wouldn't have supported much if they lived around the corner.

Sunshine1235 · 17/02/2020 16:00

Do you have kids? I’ve not lived near my parents for years and it’s never massively bothered me until recently. My children are 2 and 3 and I know my mum would like to spend more time with them and to be honest I feel jealous of friends with grandparents who they can drop the kids off for the afternoon or something. Obviously this is the choice we made but sometimes it feels like parenting would be a little easier with their support close by

Cardboard33 · 17/02/2020 16:01

We live 3-4 hours drive (on a good day) from each of our parents. It was completely fine before having a baby but now I wish they lived slightly closer, mainly so we could avoid paying childcare costs and they can be much more involved in our baby's life. It's the first grandchild on both sides of the family so they dote on him and if we had grandparents around we could do more stuff as just adults. I'm really envious now of families who have their parents around the corner whereas before having a child I couldn't have imagined anything worse. We do what's app etc so he's still got a good relationship with them, but it's not the same.