If you live mire than two hours drive away from your parents and siblings how did you find it

[Lardlizard]

Thinking of making a big move

Another factor for us is that we both commute for work so travelling at weekends/when we have time off is a PITA!

depends how old your family are. until recently we lived 5.5 hours away and saw then every 8 weeks. it was ok and I enjoyed the freedom etc but now everyone is older we didnt want to miss out any more, and make sure we were spending their later years much closer. the kids enjoy being close to everyone else too.

Brilliant - one of the best things I ever did!

I've lived all my adult life over 2 hours away from my parents.

It was fine as a young adult ( great to have independence)

Hard when both parents were ill ( one died, one has been seriously ill several times)

Hard with young children as there is no back up unless you have in laws or another support network

Even harder with young kids and aging parents. I am nervous how we will cope over the next 5 years juggling both.

I moved out at 18 and never went back. I live in a different country to my parents. I see them maybe twice or three times a year (they can’t travel as my dad is disabled). I’d like it if DD saw more of them but we talk on the phone every other day and we FaceTime at weekends. It would have been good for them to be close by when ExDH walked out but we got through it.

There aren’t many of my friends who live near their parents. TBH, I just assume that most people don’t.

In general terms I think it is a loss that families now live so far from each other.
I also think support has to go both ways and not one person or more than one person doing all the taking and giving nothing back.
I am thinking things over at the moment and not sure what to do but I am checking out what it feels like to be alone in a crowd in a place I am not totally delighted with. Then maybe it will seem like a good thing to be alone in a place that is nice.

Heavenly - wish I'd done it years ago!

Moved two hours away for university and never went back. My DH followed me and we've built our life here, own our own home and expecting our first baby.

PIL travel up to visit us every 3 months or so, my family is very much non-existent but I see them every 6-8 weeks as I tend to travel back to our home town.

It will be a shame that our baby won't have the same relationship with their grandparents that our nieces/nephews do, as we are the only ones to move away. Especially so since my niece is only a year difference in age so would have been a lovely bond growing up.

Unfortunately our hometown is not a very affluent area and there is very limited industry for work outside of retail/care, so we wouldn't ever move back. We won't get the family support that our siblings have for their children but it's a price we pay for moving away.

It's fine. My parents are in ill health and as we're a nine hour drive away it's not handy with three kids (one - possibly two, waiting on diagnosis! - with special needs), DH works full time, me part time. It's a pain in the bum to visit but we make it work when we can.

We'd never move back. Our life here is soo much better than it would be had we stayed. We don't have any family help but we've forged good, solid friendships since we moved 7 years ago and they're like our second family. It was a sacrifice worth making and my parents completely support us. (In-laws are not in the picture.)

I live 6000km away. And we're a "close" family.

Our family whatsapp group is active daily and we skype once a week. It's fine, really. Obviously would be nice to actually see each other more often, but it's not THAT bad.

Two hours is nothing. Takes me two hours to get downtown during rush hour! If I lived 2 hours away I'd probably still see them every weekend!

Depends on relationships I would imagine.

My parents live 4 hours drive away. It is both great that it means we don't have to see them too often and annoying because it means we can't ever go for a short visit.

Really regretting it at moment now Dad is older, would like to move home but it’s hard at the moment with GCSES looming.

Surely it depends on your relationship with your family as to whether it would be difficult or not? I live more than two hours from family and I like it this way, we aren't close and while they are good people we just don't really have anything in common and I find being around them stressful. DD still gets to see them occasionally whether we go to them or they travel to us but I don't feel the urge to live closer, I found it suffocating when we did. My DB lives in the same city as me, but I don't even know where other than a vague direction, we don't speak or see one another apart from big family occasions, no animosity we just don't really care about each other to bother. I'm actually very envious of people with close family relationships but there is no use pretending or trying with mine as it wouldn't be authentic.

I live 2 hours exactly from my family. Before dc started school it was great, I would take them down for a few days at a time. Harder now that they are older and want to do their own things on weekends etc. Probably manage to get down there 4 or 5 times a year and they also come up to visit us, about the same. We also usually spend a few days away somewhere together either at Christmas or in the summer which is nice. So more quality than quantity with the time I see them.
We also meet up at the halfway point occasionally for a day together as conveniently there are a few attractions and nice cafes close by.

DH and I grew up around 6 hours apart, neither on the sort of area with high flying career opportunities. We met at university and never went home again. It's tough with elderly parents when they are poorly or need care and we never had any family support with DD, but we're all adults. I do find it strange when grown up children find it so difficult not to have their parents to hand, but that's simply because I've never known anything else.

I lived around 6hrs away for 15 years. made the effort to travel down and they came to see me. However, since we lost my father it was harder for my mum and so I now live 5 minutes down the road (I was very lucky to find the dream job on the doorstep). However, I would not swop those years away for anything. I loved my life there and I love my life back here....just both different. You have to make the effort to get out and meet people and create a life so it is more challenging....you will rely on your friend base more than your family base at that distance. However, no distance is insurmountable in an emergency.

In some ways it’s hard - we will never be able to ask my mum to babysit, for example, she’ll never be able to come and keep an eye on DS when I’m sick and need to rest, and we can’t just casually do things like going for a walk together, or meeting up for coffee or something. I’ve never had that as I moved long before meeting DH or having DS, but it does make me a bit sad that we don’t have that as an option. And there have been times when I really could have done with the support - migraines, flu, that sort of thing. Struggling through with a baby / toddler isn’t ideal.

On the other hand it means I can crack on with my own thing without too much advice... I have a family of advisors, and they certainly mean well, but it can be a bit overwhelming at times!

We try to visit every couple of months and FaceTime most days so we are in touch, and as DS gets older he’ll be able to go and stay with Grandma and Grandpa, which will be nice. And tbh I love where we live now, much more than where I grew up. I just wish my family would move closer

It was easy before kids as I used to visit about once a month, 2 hours on the train so easy enough. Now I have 2 small children I find it hard to get to get there and I am really envious of friends with their parents nearby. Also I’m quite lonely here. I don’t know a lot of people and wish I had my mum nearby as we would meet up quite a lot.

Depends on how close you are and how often you like to see each other

I remember a TV programme once saying the ideal distance to live from your parents is close enough that you don't need to stay overnight when visiting each other but far enough away that you will ring before popping round - I'd agree with that (I know a friend who lived across the road from her mother whose mother got very annoyed and worried because the front door was locked (and key in the door) so she couldn't just open the door and come in - when in fact they deliberately locked the door when they had a quickie because she'd walked in on them before

Fine , my mum lives 3 hours away now and we just spend more quality time together than just ‘popping in’ for an hour or so now and again .
In-laws have pretty much forgotten us but meh ..

I would say it doesn’t get easier when they are teens as they get their own life/jobs/hobbies etc which can use up a lot of weekends. My dad moved away and we see him rarely now as he has busy life - depends on how close you are how much you will make the effort

Liberating!

Then they followed...one by one...if the last one comes we're off again!

I hate it - I miss them so much. I speak to my mum practically every day, and we go up to see them every few months, but nothing is the same as popping round for a cuppa. Plus it's more difficult to maintain a great relationship with siblings when you can't just pop round or go to the pub.

I'm really sad that I don't live near my family, and even sadder than my son only has a rare interaction with his grandparents and cousins.

Love it. Husband and I live 4+ hours away from his family and 4,000 from mine (the States).

Husband and I both have lived away from family for years. He met me when he was living/working overseas in the States. I know that my husband envies the amount of help that his siblings get (sister has never moved away and brother moved back from Canada a few years ago but lives 30 minutes away), but that was nipped when he noticed that his parents never offered and when we did ask we were let down at the very last min. Plus, when they visit us, they moan a bit about bil and having to watch the kids.

My parents are all right in small doses but their relationship is toxic and makes it difficult to be around them, however separately they’re fine. My dad is also one of those people who likes to lecture people and pop by unannounced because that is what he grew up with whereas my husband (grew up with the same) and I (didn’t) don’t like unannounced guests. My mum is a touch competitive when it comes to our children.

It’s less drama and quieter living away.

SIL, BIL and nephews are almost 2hrs away. When they were babies we never saw them because you can’t really drive more that 30-40 mins with a baby, then you have to stop for a break, so a 2hr journey could easily extend to 3hrs or more.

Now they’re older we still only see them once every 2-3 months because the round trip is tiring. We can’t just pop in, it has to be an organised full day trip. They have to stay over at Christmas and impose on someone because the round trip is too much. And tbh I tend to think THEY are the ones who chose to move away so why should WE have to put ourselves out to drive to them?