Not going to nursery.

[angieb89]

I have a two year old and she's never been to nursery. Me and my husband are very lucky to have the flexibility of work so we can share the are. I have my daughter Monday to Wednesday and he has her Thursday and Friday and together as a family on weekends.

I have so many people saying that she is missing out on not going to nursery. But surely if we have hat flexibility it shouldn't be an issue. I'd rather watch my daughter grow up than always be a work and miss important milestones just so we can pay for child care.

Would love for her to nursery but can justify the costs which increases because most nurseries won't allow you to have them there only one day a week!

I wouldn't send a child under three to nursery unless I needed to for work. They find it far more enjoyable once they start playing with their peers cooperatively. That's not to say they don't do well before then, but their actual enjoyment is more evident from three up.

Nursery has been amazing for my little boy but I think it depends on their temperament. Some kids are happy puddling about the house, some are up slinging their welly boots at you at 5.30am looking to get out the house. It depends on the home environment too. If you have a house full of family then that's different from the two of you sitting on your own together all day every day.

honestly, I didn't put DD into nursery until she was 3 and despite her vocabulary and speech being advanced her social skills were slow and I think it's because she lacked enough interaction with peers before 3, she was much slower to connect with the other kids when she started school. I did an infant psychology course before having her and knew how important this was especially before the age of three so I don't know why I didn't put her into nursery sooner, probably because I had no money too. But, yeah.. I would advise a couple mornings a week in nursery tbh.

My ds (2.5) has some friends who dont do any nursery and the difference is quite stark in terms of communication between piers, independence, role play

Yes but they're still babies, so there's no hurry. They'll catch up soon enough I'm sure.

I know parents who home school and their kids are perfectly normal sociable and well mannered.

I was made to feel awful by my nct group as they all used full time nursery and the virtues of socialising, french and yoga for 9 months old being constantly extolled made me feel I was failing dd. Mad!

I'm in a slightly different situation in that I work from home. I had to do my work once DP got home or at weekends. As the workload increased, it became completely unmanageable. So DS started at nursery at 2 years for 2 afternoons a week. We've already increased it to 4 days within a few months.

I would say, until just before 2, DS wasn't in the slightest bit interested in playing with other children, but I noticed that start to change. He became more curious about other children, rather than the toys they were playing with, so for us, I think him starting at 2 was good from that point of view too.

I think most people go back to work these days, and most children go to nursery. I do remember a few comments about "his language will improve when he goes to nursery" and "they come on so quickly once they start nursery" and this that and the other. Nothing deliberately malicious, but it can make you feel crappy, like they're missing out in some way. You can't win really, can you? 🙄 He can count to 10 and recognise all the numbers, so I don't think we've broken him.

I think if we'd kept him at home until he was 3 as originally planned, they only thing I'd do differently is more clubs and groups, as he does like spending time with other kids, and only sees his cousin occasionally. If he hadn't started showing an interest in other kids, I wouldn't have worried about it though.

As PP said, he's gone from never being ill to A LOT of bugs coming home. He only started in September but has had about a month off so far. Just recovering from a really nasty flu bug.

My advice would be, base your decision on what feels right for you and your family, not what other people think or say.

I'd rather watch my daughter grow up than always be a work and miss important milestones just so we can pay for child care.

I was with you until you said this.

Make your decision and stick with it. Casting this kind of judgement is a crap thing to do.

Your kid will be fine just being with you, and the nursery kids will be fine having been to nursery.

No need for her to go to nursery unless yiy need childcare until she is 3. I don't think she isnt missing out on anything as long as you play with her, take her out to playgroups and activities, The library the park etc.

My grandmother (who is over 80) still remembers how upset she was when she went to school for the first few times. She'd been with her mum day in day out from birth until she was 5.

I had been at home with my mum for 5 and a half years, the only time I cried on my first day was when my siblings got to go back after lunch and I didn’t.

The only thing she is missing out on is being exposed to germs and getting sick constantly. Seriously I think it's fine to keep her home until free hours kick in at age 3.

honestly, I didn't put DD into nursery until she was 3 and despite her vocabulary and speech being advanced her social skills were slow and I think it's because she lacked enough interaction with peers before 3, she was much slower to connect with the other kids when she started school.

It might just be her personality. The best teachers of social skills for the under threes are older kids and adults- being in a room with other kids the same age who are similarly pants at socialising doesn't necessarily bring them on as quickly as watching and interacting with older kids and adults does.

This isn't a judgement on anyone who keeps their baby away from nursery - but I want to make the transition to school as easy as possible for him.
Sorry I don't understand this argument. A child doesn't need to go to nursery at 2 to get ready for school at 5! Waiting until they are 3 when the funded hours kicks in is plenty early enough. If you want to send your child to nursery earlier that's OK but a child who doesn't start until 3 certainly won't miss out on anything.

I think waiting until 3 and the funded hours at preschool nursery is fine. That was the norm in the past, and even now the only people who I know who used childcare before that either needed to for work or for some other reason (eg I was quite unwell, and putting ds in for a couple of afternoons a week gave me a break). We did attend parent and toddler groups every week, so they still got to socialise with other wee ones.

Just thinking further.

Nursery/not nursery was a big thing when mine were little.

I remember being involved in a big argument on MN about 18 years ago about this.

I don't regret not sending mine to nursery or to school until they were five. However, I would say that you never know what's going to happen, or what will happen to you, and in retrospect I'm sorry I gave up my job completely when they were babies, as I am now divorced and unemployable.

If I could go back in time, I would probably put them in nursery enough to carry on working p/t. Then, though, I'd have thought anyone was mad who suggested that.

The positive side of it was that I was with them every single waking hour. This was about 13 hours per day. We didn't spend a single second apart until they variously went to school (they didn't do Reception as they are all summer born, and all went straight in to Y1). I could tell if there was something wrong with them just by a very slight change in their breathing or the way they smelled. They were absolutely like extra limbs to me. I have never known anyone as well as I know them. This knowledge and understanding of them is still useful now, 15+ years on.

However, I'm still unemployable and they are hurtling towards adulthood without a backward glance.

There is a happy medium to be had between days at home with you & getting valuable nursery experience but that can wait till she's 3yrs old or so: the 'pre-school' year. My son didn't go till then & we both had a blast for those first few years!!

I'm not too worried tbh. Just getting other people's opinions and sounds like nursery isn't the be-all and end/all! Thankfully!

I definitely plan on her going to ore-school! Absolutely. Especially now I'm 5 weeks pregnant I'm going to need some time just me and the baby. My daughter will be going in January!

She socialises with her cousins and a few of my friends kids and we go to soft play weekly. Used to go to toddler group but found it a little clicky.

Thanks ladies for all your opinions and advice :)

Ps- some people really do analyse everything you write on Mumsnet. I say ok thing slightly contradictory or accidentally judgemental and people bring you up for it

I apologies for anything that I have said that is confusing and judgemental! Completely unintentional!

Say something*

We did similar when dc were small. They then went to pre school. My feeling is No one will love your child than you. Why pay for nursery it it is working. Good luck with this pregnancy.

More than you

Child #4 didn't go to nursery or preschool etc. We even deferred her reception start to CSA as she's an end of August kid.

You'd never know. She took to reception like a fish to water, she's incredibly social and always making new friends. Considering she spent five years at home with me all day every day, she's confident, independent and loving it.

Do whatever works for you and yours.

I think the pre school is the important part after they’ve turned 3. My DD did a mixture of days with her childminder, pre-school and then home with me. Playgroups are not the same as you remain with them in the room so they don’t get to practice with you leaving them. My DD didn’t go until 3.5 years and even though she was used to going to a childminder from 1 year she did not like being left at the pre school for the first few months - it was bloody hard but we worked through it. I’ve definitely seen children have a similar response going into school and it must be very tough for the parents seeing their child screaming and hanging onto the school gates.

'I definitely plan on her going to ore-school! Absolutely. Especially now I'm 5 weeks pregnant I'm going to need some time just me and the baby. My daughter will be going in January!'

Can you not see the problem with this? Baby born and a month or two later you expect your child who's never spent a minute apart from you and is just realising she has to share you, to go out to nursery?

Your setup sounds absolutely perfect and is what me and DP would have liked to do ourselves! From our personal experience with DC1, kids only start benefitting from spending time with other kids at 2.5 or older. It was heartbreaking leaving DC1 at nursery most days before that and it was only at 2.5-3 that she started forming friendships and actually enjoying it. DC2 started nursery a couple of weeks ago, shortly after her first birthday, and I hate spending so much time away from her. (I would have probably considered working part time or being a SAHM if I had the option, but in our industry it's not possible to disappear for a long time and it took us a long time to get where we are; me and DP have similar jobs in the same sector.)

If I were you, I wouldn't change anything. Maybe take her to lots of playgroups at local children's centres etc., and do the free hours when she turns 3, if she does seem to enjoy that.

My 4.5 year old never went to daycare/nursery or anything like that. In fact she's only been babysat twice when I had funerals to go to. I took her to rhyme time at the library, play group and a little sport class for preschoolers. She has never missed out. She started Kinder two weeks ago and has settled really well and is loving it. She is bright, inquisitive, friendly and listens to the teachers.

If you need or want to send your child, then so be it. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping them out of more formal systems until they are older.