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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not spend much on DNs birthday this time.

58 replies

MyuMe · 16/02/2020 12:24

I've had enough.

I spend a small fortune on them because they are the only child in the family.

Last year was ridiculous. Presents, clothes, a day out. And it is never enough. I get guilt tripped because the poor little mites parents have divorced. They divorced when DN was 3 and have no memories of parents living together.

They expect me to give up my weekend come to the party, not only that help set everything up and make the food. Buy a load of presents and also take the kid out away from the party.

I would drop dead with shock if this lot bought me a card for my birthday.

And after DNs behaviour last year...open the presents and put them aside for the next one. There is no gratitude here and I'm sick of the reminders everytime I see them that it's their birthday soon and what am I getting them.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 16/02/2020 12:29

That sounds pretty extreme. A present would seem normal but not all the rest if you don't want to and don't feel it's appreciated. I would say you're busy that weekend and either will be away or will only be able to come for the party itself.

Are you a relatively high earner and therefore they've decided you are somehow morally obliged to splash out?

Original poster
MyuMe · 16/02/2020 12:35

Are you a relatively high earner and therefore they've decided you are somehow morally obliged to splash out?

Bingo

I wouldn't mind if they treated me with some respect but they don't.

OP posts:
CallmeAngelina · 16/02/2020 12:37

They can "expect" all they like, but you don't actually have to comply.
Send a card and a gift and make sure you're away that weekend next time.

Original poster
MyuMe · 16/02/2020 12:40

I will. I'll cap the gift at about £25.

They have got enough

OP posts:
Bringonspring · 16/02/2020 12:42

As long as you’re frustrating of them isn’t taken out on your DN. a nice present is fine and you can get something nice for £25.

Can’t blame DN for their rubbish behaviour though

Original poster
MyuMe · 16/02/2020 12:45

DN has come to expect it though

Has openly said to my face they wanted more and I must buy them lots of presents this time.

DN is rude along with them because their expectations have rubbed off of DN and now think I'm oblige to spoil them

DN won't see me this time.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 16/02/2020 12:47

That seems reasonable. And rudeness is not on. They can be told that you never get to demand presents from others, they are freely given or not at all.

1Morewineplease · 16/02/2020 12:50

Send a card along with a note explaining that you are no longer going to buy gifts due to previous rude behaviour.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 16/02/2020 12:50

Has openly said to my face they wanted more and I must buy them lots of presents this time.

If you're asked (either by DN directly or the parents) why you've not gone as OTT this year I would cite this as the reason why. If my child said something like that I would be absolutely mortified!

Frenchw1fe · 16/02/2020 12:53

My db and his wife actually won't let me spend much on my dn.
I wouldn't like that behaviour though.
They'll get the message when you cap it and book yourself away for the weekend.

Watermelontea · 16/02/2020 12:54

They’re bringing up an entitled child, and I think going back to a normal amount for birthdays and Christmas is the way to go to help to correct it.

Rosehip345 · 16/02/2020 12:56

We had all this with DN. It got to the point where enough is enough he was becoming a spoilt brat.

Ffw a couple of years and our own DDs birthday hasn’t even been acknowledged (January) never mind! A card would have been nice but tbh at least it means that we won’t be under the expectation of lavish gifts and parties any more!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 16/02/2020 12:59

Has openly said to my face they wanted more and I must buy them lots of presents this time. oxfam goat and a donation to a charity for less —entitled— well off children it is then.
And what a shame you have come down with something awfully contagious on the weekend of the royal party.

PenScribble · 16/02/2020 13:02

They all sound like CF to be honest, nephew included.

Cap the gift at £25 and make sure you're away the weekend.

RedskyAtnight · 16/02/2020 13:03

how old is DN?

Drum2018 · 16/02/2020 13:03

I'd send a card with a £20 voucher for Primark and I wouldn't make any effort to go to the party. Stop being such a push over and bowing to their demands. If they ask just tell them you have plans. If they dare comment on the fact you sent a voucher tell them it's the last gift you'll be sending due to their blatant rudeness.

Catsandchardonnay · 16/02/2020 13:07

How old is DN?

Thehop · 16/02/2020 13:08

I’d be sticking to “I want never gets” and putting a voucher for a charity donation in a card then going away for the weekend.

Or a small gift and, when asked “I love you very much but we’re not doing you any favours, you e started to expect it. I’ll gladly spend time with you instead watching a film or going to the park”

Original poster
MyuMe · 16/02/2020 13:11

If my child said something like that I would be absolutely mortified!

As would I. They denied it had been said though and accused me of lying.

Aside I have no interest in a child's party as i dont yet have children

OP posts:
Original poster
MyuMe · 16/02/2020 13:12

DN is 6

OP posts:
Poohpooh · 16/02/2020 13:12

Yep cap the gift and set a precedent of only 1 gift.

If you do go to the birthday, limit visit to a couple of hours.

BumbleBeee69 · 16/02/2020 13:12

OP have you posted about this before ?

Wafflehouse · 16/02/2020 13:18

6 and behaving like that? That’s terrible but I can’t blame the child. My dd was 6 this year and was really excited to get a £5 Amazon voucher from my sister. I think £25 is still quite a lot to spend, I’d cut it down and have a word with the parents about their greedy behaviour, it’s clearly rubbed off on the poor child.

TheMustressMhor · 16/02/2020 13:20

I've read this before quite recently.

Original poster
MyuMe · 16/02/2020 13:20

I might have mentioned it on another thread

My god you guys must be on here 24/7

OP posts:
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